DC League of Super-Pets (2022)

Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Kate McKinnon, John Krasinski, Vanessa Bayer, Natasha Lyonne, Diego Luna, Marc Maron, Keanu Reeves, Thomas Middleditch, Ben Schwartz, Olivia Wilde, Keith David, Yvette Nicole Brown, Alfred Molina, and Dan Fogler
Grade: D+

I know he just voices the character here, but does anyone else think that John Krasinski would actually be a decent live-action Superman? No? Just me?

Summary

Years ago on Krypton, the planet is about the explode. Jor-El (Molina) and Lara (Lena Headey) put their baby son Kal-El into a spaceship to save him from what is about to happen. Before the ship takes off, their dog Krypto jumps on board with Kal-El. Jor-El tries to stop it, but Lara says their son will need a friend. Jor-El relents and tells Krypto to watch over their boy. The ship takes off just as Krypton falls apart.

In the present day, Kal-El, better known as Superman (Krasinski) still lives with Krypto the Superdog (Johnson). They are just as inseparable as they were when they were young, and Krypto accompanies Superman on every mission he has. After a montage of them fighting crime together, Superman hangs out with Lois Lane (Wilde) in the park once she finishes up her report for the Daily Planet. Anytime the two get close, Krypto intervenes unknowingly, so Superman throws his Batman squeeze toy by some other dogs he sees in the park to distract him. As Krypto finds his toy and acts like it’s a personal mission in doing so, the other dogs point out the obvious to him in that Superman was just trying to get rid of him for the moment, so he can have a moment alone with Lois. Krypto doesn’t believe it until he sees them kiss. Then, his heart drops. He feels like he’s about to be replaced by Lois as Superman’s best friend. Interestingly enough, Lois notes to Superman that Krypto probably feels left out, so they should consider getting him a friend. At a local animal shelter, we see the world of the pets that exist there. The group consists of dog Ace (Hart), Wonder Woman superfan and pig PB (Bayer), jittery squirrel Chip (Luna), the ancient and partially blind turtle Merton McSnurtle (Lyonne), and the somewhat distant and outwardly diabolical guinea pig Lulu (McKinnon). Ace tries to use the distraction of the delivery truck driver to escape, but the owner (Brown) stops him before he could leave his cage. Pivoting, he talks to the other animals, who he considers to be his best friends, about taking them to this mythical farm where they can roam free and don’t have to answer to anyone.

They are excited about the prospect, but they are still equally excited about the possibility of becoming best friends with a new owner just as well, something Ace isn’t interested in. They are interrupted by Lulu who promises that her “device” she created will set her free, though everyone passes her off as crazy because they have heard her talk about this device before.

Outside, Superman as Clark Kent has Krypto wait outside, so he can go into the animal shelter to find Krypto a new friend. He talks to the owner about the situation and says he’s going to propose to Lois tonight. The owner suggests Ace but sees he’s nowhere to be found, forcing her to suggest Lulu. Just then, we see Ace escaping through the window and into the alley. He promises to come back for his friends once the shelter closes. Unfortunately, he runs right into Krypto and falls. They get into some conversation, but once Ace refers to what he’s doing as a “prison break”, Krypto springs into action, capturing and holding Ace until he’s thrown back into his cage by a worker. During this scuffle, Krypto tries to hurry the whole process along because he thinks Superman is “missing” him, so Ace reveals to Krypto that his beloved owner is looking at buying a pet to hang with him just so he can get some space. Again, Krypto refuses to believe this. As Ace and all the animals sit in their cages depressed, a young kid comes in to look for a pet. Almost immediately, the girl picks a kitten and leaves. Later, Superman and Krypto see Lex Luthor (Maron) is using some machine to drag a meteor toward the city. It’s actually orange kryptonite, and it can give Luthor the powers of someone like Superman. As Luthor talks his plan out on the roof of his building with his bodyguard Mercy Graves (Maya Erskine), Superman and Krypto show up. Superman demands he let go of the meteor, so Luthor responds by dropping it onto the city. Krypto stops it mid-air, and Superman helps him with it. They try to send it back to space, but Luthor puts them into a force field of sorts.

The kryptonite meteor falls until Aquaman (Jemaine Clement) uses a wave of water to catch it before it crashes into the ground. Right after, Cyborg (Daveed Diggs), Wonder Woman (Jameela Jamil), the Green Lantern (Dascha Polanco), and The Flash (John Early) show up to assist Superman and Krypto. As Superman and Krypto take hold of the meteor again, Luthor puts on a super suit and tries to obtain a small piece of the rock to get its powers. He manages to get this small chunk of the rock, but it doesn’t work right away, confusing him. Then, Batman (Reeves) shows up and lays him out with a punch. The piece goes to Krypto, and he launches it into space.

Meanwhile, a piece of the orange kryptonite is still obtained, but it’s by Lulu. Her device actually works! She is able to bring the small piece of rock all the way back to the shelter while still in her cage, and she drops it on the floor. In doing so, a wave stems from it that seems to affect all the animals. Lulu then explains that she used to be Lex Luthor’s pet who he tested on, though she considers them both to be scientists who were searching for the ultimate power. Along the way, there were some missteps. When they gathered the red kryptonite, all her hair fell out. The purple one gave her uncomfortably vivid dreams, but “they” knew the orange one was going to be different. She blames Krypto on messing this whole thing up. In reality, Superman and Krypto saved the day, and Krypto specifically saved all the animals that were being tested on by Luthor. Lulu is the only one who didn’t understand this and thought she was a part of the “team” rather than a test subject who Luthor didn’t care about. When Krypto saved everyone, he took Lulu straight to the shelter where she is today. Since then, she’s been planning. She’s actually much smarter than Luthor realized too. She is the only one who knew that orange kryptonite doesn’t work on people, only “pets”. The now superpowered Lulu breaks out of her cage and flies across the room, destroying the place in the process. She refuses to help any of the others, except a random cat, and slams the door behind her as a fire breaks out. The animals start to panic as they try to escape.

During this mess, PB squeezes up against the bars of her cage and manages to shrink in size by accident. Soon after, she realizes she can also increase in size too. She has superpowers. Ace realizes he has super strength and invulnerability after breaking out of his cage and not getting set ablaze, despite his tail being on fire. The two save Merton and Chip too, with them having the powers of super speed and the ability to shoot lightning respectively. Once the foursome escapes, we cut to Krypto back at the house with Superman. He’s excited to watch TV with his owner but is annoyed to find out he’s going on a date with Lois instead. He tries growling at Superman, so he calls him a bad dog and it hurts him. Superman leaves but opens the door one more time to tell Krypto he left his Batman toy in the hallway, throwing it into the room before exiting. Krypto goes into the bedroom and cries with headphones on, listening to “Bad Blood” by Taylor Swift while watching TV. When Superman gets outside of his door, Lulu stares back at him and goes on a monologue, though he can’t understand her because she’s an animal. Even so, she has regular green kryptonite on her, and it weakens Superman badly, to the point where he can’t even call for the distracted Krypto. Superman gets thrown out of the building by the powerful Lulu, and Lois sees it from a distance and calls the Justice League. Superman and Lulu fight, but Lulu manages to stab him with the kryptonite. Back at the house, Krypto goes into the kitchen and sees a cheese snack left for him hidden in his favorite Batman toy, so he eats it and decides he isn’t mad anymore.

Following this, he is alerted to what’s going on after hearing Superman’s cry for help and jumps off the balcony after the two. Unfortunately, he lost all of his powers as well and crashes into the ground below. Lulu actually hid a piece of kryptonite in the cheese he ate. As Lulu tells Krypto that he took her away from Luthor so now he’s taking him away from Superman, she tears a piece of Superman’s cape off and wears it as her own. This is just the first step of her plan. She takes Superman away and Krypto is immediately hit by a car trying to run after them. Sometime later, he wakes up, though he’s severely injured. He wonders what to do, so his collar flashes a message from Dog-El (David), Krypto’s father. When he was just a puppy, Dog-El recorded all of his knowledge in his collar. He tells Krypto that he needs to save Superman, though Krypto isn’t sure how he’s supposed to do this without his powers. Dog-El says not having powers isn’t his problem. The real problem is Krypto himself. The message concludes before the confused Krypto gets a follow-up to this blanket statement. As Ace, PB, Merton, and Chip relax together in the park and think aloud about how awesome the farm is going to be that Ace always talked about, Ace tries to backtrack a bit. Before he can explain himself, they are interrupted by a beaten up and exhausted Krypto. After he sees them mess around a little bit, he realizes they all have superpowers now. While admitting he doesn’t have his powers anymore, he asks for their help in saving Superman, but they refuse, especially Ace who is still mad at him for getting him locked up in the shelter after he initially escaped. Then, the group changes the subject to talk about the farm, but Krypto starts to poke holes into the clearly made-up description of the place. Stopping him before he’s exposed, Ace pulls Krypto aside to admit the truth.

He made it up to give the others hope because he knew they had no chance of getting adopted. Krypto sees his point and offers to take him and his friends to his farm, as long as they agree to help him save Superman. Ace agrees and the rest of his friends join excitedly. It’s time for the League of Super-Pets to have their first mission! However, with their best dog in Krypto not having his powers, and the rest of the animals still learning theirs, it will be a major uphill battle in taking down the powerful Lulu. Later, Lulu creates an army of guinea pigs by giving them all superpowers. After they kick the shit out of Batman, they take down the rest of the Justice League who are subsequently captured. Krypto leads the reluctant pets into battle, but they get molly whopped. Lulu even tosses the power-less Krypto across the city like he’s nothing. Instead of capturing the rest of the team, Lulu doesn’t consider them threats and laughs them off as she leaves the scene. Now, it’s time for our heroes to regroup and try and get back out there to save the Justice League. Sadly, everyone’s confidence is at an all-time low.

My Thoughts:

From the blocky animation that makes the film look like a high-budget television movie to the predictable beats, DC League of Super-Pets is nothing special. Sure, it may succeed in entertaining kids and is mildly amusing, but it doesn’t strive to be anything more. No one is saying this film should have looked to set a new standard for animated movies going forward, but it was so annoyingly simplistic in almost every aspect that the final product felt bland. Despite all the possibilities and all of the superhero characters and IP at their disposal, there was a startling lack of imagination. Even if (very) young children are entertained by it, it’s so formulaic that anyone aged in the double digits may start to find the pets’ antics somewhat boring and their problems miniscule.

For instance, Krypto is the loyal dog of Superman, but we are told he needs to learn a lesson in the midst of all this chaos. What is this lesson? He has to learn to let go because he doesn’t give Superman enough space. Why is this that big of a problem? Are we supposed to believe Krypto is selfish enough to have to learn this lesson? He’s a fucking dog. Loyalty is in their DNA. We’re supposed to believe this is his biggest fault and the lesson he has to learn just because Superman is on the verge of marrying Lois? This is a non-issue at best. He doesn’t even need to learn to “let go”, as Ace puts it. All that needs to be explained to Krypto is that Lois is more than likely moving in. Their living situation won’t change. If anything, he’ll get love from two people instead of one. It’s not like Superman is telling the dog to move out of his house now. It’s just “Hey, make some room”. Did he need to go through this life-changing experience to understand this very basic issue? I doubt it. This is just lazy writing. I can’t buy this as this “detrimental flaw” that Krypto needs to learn to move forward in life. He can’t get his powers back without him figuring this very basic lesson out? Is this not a massive overreaction? The screenwriters don’t even fully commit to this idea either, writing in a corny “dog taking a shit” joke to explain that Krypto finally passed the kryptonite he ate in the first act. This joke is enough to lessen the impact of the ENTIRE message of the film and what the character has to go through to become a better hero and dog. So, on top of his biggest flaw being fucking stupid and a moot point at best, the payoff where the character “learns” is even worse because he doesn’t actually learn anything! He just shits out a rock.

Do you get why this is stupid now?

There needs to be more flaws within his personality because being “too loyal” isn’t really as bad as they make it out to be. Since he’s a dog, it’s actually understandable if anything. If this is his only problem, it’s just corny, unless the screenwriter has a deep hatred for dogs and is using this film to attack their personalities, though this would be a stretch. It would be hilarious if true, but we know it’s not. It’s just very basic screenwriting. Look, we’re not asking for the substance of a Pixar movie because that would be too much for the intended focus of the story. However, is asking for a little more character development, or problem of any sort regarding our main character too much to ask for? Of course, should we even be surprised this one-dimensional protagonist is written this way knowing Dwayne Johnson is playing it? The guy refuses to look weak even in animated dog form! His performance is about as average as they come and only looks worse in the post-credits scene when Krypto meets Black Adam and his dog. Johnson plays all three, essentially talking to himself, and they all sound exactly the same. Once again, if this wasn’t Johnson metaphorically stroking his own cock for the world to see, I don’t know what is.

I’m so glad Black Adam failed just so he can shut the fuck up.

Because Johnson doesn’t seem to have chemistry with anyone else, Kevin Hart was hired to play Ace, making this movie way too similar to The Secret Life of Pets than we’d like to admit. When you consider all of the other similarly premised animated movies we have seen over the years, the “pet humor” of DC League of Super-Pets feels very redundant.

Similar to how Batman has always been the more compelling character compared to Superman, Ace is in the same boat compared to Krypto. Though we don’t necessarily become huge Ace fans or anything, his character arc gives us a little more to latch onto in terms of the story to make us understand things from a shelter dog perspective. Unfortunately, Hart was just miscast. This dog is tougher, is much deeper, and has a more emotional backstory than any of the other animals, but Hart doesn’t sell it how he should. He doesn’t fit the characterization or character design of Ace. Though he did the comedic stuff decent enough effect to get by, he didn’t fit the basic description of the character or how it was written. This was just a classic case of “Let’s hire a known star to voice this random character” that has become such a prevalent problem in modern animated films. Additionally, the emotional depth wasn’t there either. They wait too long to tell us why Ace is closed off and they try super hard to push this Toy Story 2, Jesse-like flashback to make us feel for Ace, but it’s done a thousand times worse comparatively. With that being said, I adored Ace’s line following his retelling of the story saying, “Worst day of my life, but I wouldn’t change a thing about it”. This was a great way to show how misunderstood an “aggressive” dog can be when put in an unwinnable situation, with Ace saving a toddler from falling down the stairs by biting the kid’s arm and pulling it back from the staircase and the parents (not knowing what happened) just assumed he bit the kid for no reason. It was a small inkling of what the screenplay had potential of being, but we only get a couple of moments like this at best. It’s as if they were too scared to add a sliver of emotional storytelling because it would take too much away from the comedy. Even when Ace explains his sad backstory, the scene is filled with jokes before and after it, lessening the impact of this “big” moment even more.

At the very least, you could have given more spotlight on Ace’s lesson being that he needs to love and trust again. In a way, this is sort of the lesson he gets, but it’s not nearly as defined as it should be. It’s more just about Ace gaining another friend in the end. Regardless, he had more to learn than Krypto did, but Krypto is painted as the main character that needs to learn how to “let go”. Again, it’s just not as big of a deal as they made it out to be. In addition, they focused on the wrong character and miscast the co-star no less. Honestly, there was just a series of bad decisions here.

I will say that I caught myself laughing both times Ace hit his head on Wonder Woman’s invisible ship. I’m a sucker for slapstick. What can I say?

The rest of the movie consists of references, in-jokes (Batman referring to “whoever Morgan Freeman played” as a friend was gold), puns, and jokes making fun of the members of the Justice League. It felt like the kind of fun Adult Swim used to have when they would make fun of all the Hannah-Barbera characters in shows like Space Ghost Coast to Coast and Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law just because they owned the IP. The same approach was done here with the Justice League in making fun of them like when Aquaman is fed fish food or Cyborg admitting he can’t do anything because he’s in airplane mode. Some of it works and some of it doesn’t. It’s pretty hit-or-miss. The running gag of Aquaman saying “I am Aquaman” got funnier and funnier to me though. I’ll give them that at the very least. Now, it’s not that we need edgy humor to laugh or anything, but considering they let Merton cuss (with a censored bleep), and they have that hilarious cutaway with Krypto launching Lois Lane across the globe out of anger purely because she exists, I just expected there to be a better script in terms of story, humor, and dialogue than what we got. Sadly, the truly funny bits are few and far between, and the dialogue is weak and somewhat cheap for a high-budgeted animated film.

It’s very clear that the idea for this film is centered around the ensemble, but sans for a few jokes, we don’t care about anyone other than Krypto, Ace, and Lulu. They are the only ones who have dedicated character arcs and explained stories. All of the other characters are one-note jokes that don’t do enough for the audience to care about. In addition, neither PB nor Chip are funny whatsoever. We’ve seen similar characters and personalities done better in a hundred other animated films. Giving the animals superpowers doesn’t automatically make it funny like the film would otherwise suggest, though the guinea pig army is the closest argument this has to being false. However, this is just because the deadpan responses from Mark (Schwartz) and Keith (Middleditch) were mildly amusing. With all of this being said, Merton was funnier than everyone in the movie combined. Anytime they cut to her, she hit us with another hysterical line reading of confusion and censored cussing that garnered a laugh every single time. For example, in the middle of the first fight, she goes too fast and ends up in a field somewhere asking, “Where the f*** am I?”. Then, uncaring, she eats a leaf. There’s a chance that some may not laugh at a single thing in this movie if they’re not in the right mood, but I guarantee you will laugh at Merton’s antics. Natasha Lyonne’s trademark raspy voice was perfect for the near-blind turtle and every notable quote or joke came straight from her hilarious performance (“There was a period in the 60s when I was just an alchemist”). When she’s just given glasses to solve her seeing issue and she comes to the realization that her friends aren’t turtles, there’s no way you don’t chuckle.

This is the type of fun that the DC League of Super-Pets goes for more often than not. It doesn’t always work, but it worked for Lyonne’s Merton. She’s an absolute gem. Also, considering the material given to her, Kate McKinnon was pretty solid too. Both women outshined the leads and virtually everyone else in the film.

The third act is very disappointing. On top of Krypto not really learning the lesson this whole movie was based around, the action of the huge “climactic” battle was bloated and overdone to excess. They try their best to make Lulu seem like this villain who’s strong enough to take on the entire Justice League and the League of Super-Pets to the point where she almost wins, but I just couldn’t suspend my disbelief at this point. Yes, you heard me right. I can buy Batman getting his ass kicked by a bunch of superpowered guinea pigs, but Lulu fighting off eleven superheroes at once Thanos-style? I don’t buy it for a second, even if she trapped Superman with more kryptonite to make it look like they would get their asses handed to them without him. If anything, it only begs the question why Lulu doesn’t do the same thing to Krypto like she did Superman. Also, you’re telling me they needed that elaborate of a plan to save the Justice League in the first place when they’re trapped in those human cages? If the building they are in were to hypothetically crash into the ground, the only people who would probably suffer blows are Batman and Lex Luthor. All of the other heroes are pretty much invulnerable. Though the plan of the animals was thoughtful, no one in the situation should have been as worried as they were acting. It just wasn’t that big of a deal.

Whether the fighting scenes were in a team-up scenario or a one-on-one, it wasn’t very good, the action is never as exciting as it should be for a comic book film, and the ending feels like a boss battle in an average video game rather than the spectacular finish of an animated film (what it should be trying to be). Sadly, I’ve seen much more enthralling video game cutscenes than the ending we got here. To give you a good indication on how the third act’s superhero action was handled, I can confidently say that the fight with evil cat Mr. Whiskers was better than the climax with Lulu taking on ten superheroes at once. Also, I hate to nitpick, but how does Lulu know that orange kryptonite doesn’t work on people and only on pets? There’s no reason given. She just says she knows this. How the hell did she figure this out when she’s been in a cage for most of her life? How does not a single other person figure this out before her?

In all honesty, the whole movie is just ten minutes too long. The story and the dialogue needed to be much tighter, and the point of the story needs to come in faster. Since they wanted to make this a goofier film, they didn’t need to drag this thing out to the extent they did. If they felt the length was needed, then the screenplay just needed to be better, plain and simple. Speaking of which, did we really need two credits scenes? Did Lulu really need an ending like that? She didn’t deserve shit. Did we really need Dwayne Johnson’s bullshit as Black Adam? Again, not at all.

DC League of Super-Pets was a misfire. In a sea of animated films, especially one’s centered on pets, this movie falters behind them all in a hurry. Despite having some of the most recognizable superheroes on the planet involved, an all-star cast from top to bottom, freedom by Warner Bros. higher-ups to do whatever was needed to make this something different and special, and a loose comedic feel that is bound to entertain purely by circumstance, this movie is painfully average. It settles on every front from the joke-telling to the action, to the details of the screenplay. Even the art style of the animation is lazy.

Well, at least we got to see how Keanu Reeves would be as Batman, so there’s that.