Best Friends (1982)

Starring: Burt Reynolds and Goldie Hawn
Grade: C-

I’m not sure how this movie managed to snatch an Academy Award nomination for Best Original Song. The entire score for Best Friends was TV-movie levels of corny.

Summary

Hollywood screenwriting couple Richard Babson (Reynolds) and Paula McCullen (Hawn) work and live together. In the intro, they do a read-through and deduce the script is much too talky. After some minor discussion over Richard’s writing tendencies, they take a break to get intimate. Afterwards, they drive to the studio for a meeting with executive Larry Weisman (Ron Silver) about their work on the screenplay. It’s a book adaptation, but they’re not liking it and want to decline the job. On the way to the meeting, they discuss who is going to drop the news, and Paula convinces Richard to do it because he’s better with words than she is. In the meeting, they tell Weisman honestly that they don’t think it can work. Actually, Richard straight-up says the book stinks. Surprisingly, Weisman gives them credit for their honesty, as it was just a test. After Weisman lies to get out of playing tennis with a friend on the phone by saying his kid is sick, he tells Richard and Paula they are two weeks from wrapping up the movie they’ve been working on. He loves it and is excited about it, complimenting the two on their ending as well. He wants to work on a new project with them but abruptly leaves the room after trying on his new tennis shoes, with his secretary Carol (Peggy Walton-Walker) telling them he left. Paula asks Carol what Weisman really thinks of the movie, but she admits she doesn’t know because Weisman hasn’t actually seen it yet.

This is typical of working in Hollywood, so they’re used to it.

Carol asks the two about how since they are working on moving into a new house together, they’re probably getting married, but Paula quickly deflects and asks about the new restaurant that opened up across the street. Carol responds by saying she doesn’t know because she has asthma. At the restaurant, which has this weird jungle/plant theme that covers the place, Richard brings up how Carol mentioned marriage. Paula sees it as normal since it’s the typical conversation that follows the act of buying a house. On the other hand, Richard brings up how they already rent their house, lease their car, and live together, so he asks if there is somehow a lack of commitment between them. She argues that buying a house is commitment. Following this, they check out their new house, and Richard has reservations because this move feels a lot like they’re married. Paula reminds him they made an agreement a long time ago they would live together. If they changed their minds, then they’d see. Richard admits he’s changed his mind on account of his age, but she hasn’t. After talking about how marriage makes the statement that Paula is the one he’s going to end up with for the rest of their lives, Richard proposes to her. She doesn’t know what to say, so she instead says they’ll talk about it later, prompting Richard to storm out. At her friend’s (Valerie Curtin; the screenwriter who helped write the movie) place, Paula expresses how she’s worried she’s going to lose Richard. When asked by her friend why she’s afraid of taking the next step, Paula admits she thinks of life in three stages: you’re born, you get married, and then you die. In a way, she thinks she’s avoiding death.

Her friend hands Paula her sleeping baby to put in her crib, as Paula talks about she has already grown up without marriage, so she doesn’t need the extra bit. Another interesting point is that your whole life, you’re trying to find your personality and your individual self only to get married and be reduced to being referred to as someone’s wife. As they drink and talk, Paula does admit she loves Richard, so her friend notes she has to work to resolve things on her end to make sure the relationship isn’t destroyed. Then, the two start to drink too much and the conversation spirals into laughter. Later, Paula comes home to Richard and makes dinner while she talks about her uneasy feelings about her older parents potentially passing away. Oddly enough, her trick is to pretend they’re already dead to ease the pain when they actually die, something Richard is even put off by. Nevertheless, she’s worried enough to suggest a trip with Richard back East for her parents’ 40th wedding anniversary because she wants him to meet them. He’s not entirely sure about it and goes to take a shower. She follows him in. As she holds him, she says it’s time. She’s down to get married, though she doesn’t want to tell anyone. Richard is fine with this. The next day, Paula types up some more of a screenplay while Richard finds a chapel they can go to and get married in as quickly as possible. They land on one near the train station they’re using to go back East. Richard wants to fly, but Paula argues trains are romantic. They’re getting closer to leaving, and Paula is getting nervous, so she makes Richard promise that this decision isn’t going to screw everything up. He’s confident about it and calms her down. Plus, he thinks they’ll become better writers too, which Paula seems even happier about than their relationship. They get married at a Spanish-speaking chapel and go to the train right after.

The pseudo honeymoon has begun.

There are some minor mishaps here and there on the train, but nothing serious. Finally, they get to Buffalo, and it’s as cold and snowy as you’d expect, and Richard is already annoyed. Paula’s parents are Eleanor (Jessica Tandy) and Tim (Barnard Hughes) and arrive just as they do. They know Richard and Paula are married and greet them accordingly, though Richard is noticeably uncomfortable. They gather their luggage and Eleanor and Tim help, as Eleanor talks about how she doesn’t have any depth perception because of her recent cataract’s surgery. When they get to the car, Eleanor tells Paula to call Mary Theresa when they get home, but Paula doesn’t want to until she’s ready. By the way, this is never resolved. I have no idea who Theresa is. It’s just kind of forgotten about.

The four drive off, but Paula notices they aren’t going the right way home. Apparently, Tim wants to stop a funeral first for some guy he admittedly hated. Once they arrive at the cemetery, Tim goes by himself, so that’s when Eleanor brings up to Paula that Tim has been acting strange since his stroke. He hardly talks and she found his porno magazines, disgusting Richard enough to excuse himself from the car. Privately, Eleanor says there isn’t anything between her and Tim sexually and attributes it to being together for so long. At dinner, Tim and Eleanor both try to talk and tell stories to Richard at the same time. Paula laughs it off, but Richard is trying not to lose it. Before bed, Richard notes how the whole house is filled with single beds and how strange Paula’s parents are. He wants to sleep with her, but she admits she feels like a teenager in her childhood bedroom and doesn’t want to. They start kissing anyway when Richard starts things up, but Eleanor’s voice interrupts them. Paula excuses herself from the room because it would be too weird, and she’s right. Once she leaves, Richard angrily closes the window and gets into bed. Following this, Eleanor walks into the room, opens the window, and tucks Richard before kissing him goodnight and leaving the door open. Richard is starting to get pissed off without his freedom, but this “honeymoon” of sorts has just begun, and their days-old marriage will be tested. On top of that, they still have to visit Richard’s parents!

My Thoughts:

Very rarely, if ever, have I seen a romantic comedy where I have come to the conclusion that the two main characters should not end up together. Well, Best Friends is one of them.

The combined star power of Burt Reynolds and Goldie Hawn in their primes attracted enough interest for me to check out Best Friends, as the concept of a screenwriter couple proved to be an intriguing one. In addition to this, the married couple of Barry Levinson and Valerie Curtin wrote the screenplay, with elements of realism assuredly attached to what unfolds considering the source. Though the scenes in Los Angeles and Hollywood were done well, the actual romantic comedy parts that were the brunt of the movie left a lot to be desired and not only drove our characters up the wall, but the audience as well. By the time we get back to Hollywood for the climax of the movie, in a scene where Richard and Paula have to come together to finally finish their screenplay with the studio pressuring them to do so within a day, they are practically at each other’s throats. If these two aren’t having sex, they are arguing about something trivial. Actually, most of the movie is them being miserable over any bit of stress that comes their way. Clearly, they cannot handle what comes with an adult relationship as any inconvenience whatsoever that happens makes them question everything they’ve ever done in their entire lives to the point where we become exhausted with them. Sympathy be damned, Richard and Paula need to grow the fuck up.

Maybe there were some inklings of this being a problem like with Paula’s pessimistic three stages of life outlook (“you’re born, you get married, and then you die”), but her priorities and reactions to everything that unfolds are inconsistent at best. Despite the purchase of the house, she begins the movie having no interest in marriage and avoids talking about it anytime it’s brought up until she says “Yes” during shower sex. She is the one with the commitment issues, which would have been a refreshing perspective since the male character is usually the one with said problem. However, the rest of the movie has Paula doing everything she can to make the marriage work like taking advice and notes on how others have dealt with their marriages and seeing how she makes this work with Richard. On the other hand, Richard isn’t really interested in the opening minutes of the movie, proposes out of nowhere because of the circumstances while trying to convince us he’s sincere about it, and then puts little to no effort to make the wife he “loves” happy, other than accompanying her on this trip. Then, over a weekend (maybe longer, possibly a week at best), Richard bitches and complains until the audience is nauseated. There are scenes in romantic comedies where meeting the in-laws can be funny because they have their peculiarities that aren’t normal behavior, with the aptly named Meet the Parents as a prime example. In the case of Best Friends though, there’s not a single thing that happens with either character’s parents that wouldn’t be considered odd to anyone.

The lone exception is Tim trying to fuck the maid, and Eleanor knowing about it, but that’s it.

Literally all of it is normal “old person” behavior. Oh no! Richard’s mom likes taking a lot of pictures! You mean like every mom ever? Shut the fuck up. Oh no! Richard’s family is loud and obnoxious! Guess what? So is EVERYONE ELSE at a family get-together. Oh no! Paula’s parents talk at the same time while telling stories since they are excited to meet Richard. Okay? Yeah, that’s pretty common. Can he really not hide being annoyed? Does everything bother him that much? It’s not like Paula’s parents get a lot of visitors. They’re just excited to meet the man that married their daughter. Sure, it’s understandably irritating that Eleanor opened the window when he was cold and left the door open before she left, but all she did throughout these two actions was express how happy she is for him before kissing him goodnight. Can you not take the good with the bad? Her intentions were thoughtful, and he could easily close the window and the door as soon as she left without pissing and moaning but these are used as key examples for his unhappiness. Simply put, Richard is a little bitch. There is no other way to explain it. From the outset, he knew he was going to Buffalo, New York. This isn’t a surprise, so why is he so shocked at how cold it is outside? He’s the one who didn’t pack as much as a hat, and we’re supposed to feel for him? Dude, this one is one you. I understand if you bring up being cold for meaningless conversational purposes because you’re not used to it but bringing it up constantly comes off as whiny. Suck it up. You’re not going to live there. You’re just visiting the in-laws temporarily. This isn’t suffering. All of this consists of normal adult happenings that almost every married couple has had to go through at some point in their lives. Only in Best Friends, it’s nowhere near as bad.

There’s a breakfast scene where Eleanor makes Richard grits because he’s from Virginia, but she didn’t know he hates the food. Instead of just sucking it up and eating it because it’s really not that big of a deal, he’s so fucking pretentious that he refuses to eat it and hides it in his napkin. Really? Is anyone else bothered at how little he tries to make things go smoothly? Can you not be out of your comfort zone for two fucking days? Are you a child? If you complain at every instant without even trying to fit in, you’re going to make the experience even worse, which makes your partner even more anxious. Eating a food you don’t like that the host made is not this god-awful task Richard makes it out to be. Unless he’s allergic, which he’s not, he’s just being a massive cunt. It’s as simple as that. Then, he throws a fit because he can’t have sex with Paula in her parent’s home, and the fact that everything is single bed. Big deal! He can’t wait a fucking day?! He’s not “sexually deprived” like how he states. He has sex with Paula all the time back home. A few days won’t kill him. If Burt Reynolds is the same age as the character, then he’s 46 years old! He’s not a teenager! Stop being a needy little bitch. If she doesn’t feel comfortable doing it in her parents’ home, is it really that big of a deal? What’s the difference between the week before and the day they are there? Do you have that little of patience and self-control that you can’t just go to bed by yourself for one fucking day? If anything, Paula feeling weird about it is totally understandable. How selfish and narcissistic can Richard be? He’s miserable from the second they leave the train, and it continues for the entirety of the movie. He’s just like, “I’m cold! I’m not used to being sexually deprived!”, and it’s just not funny. Seriously, grow up. IT’S A WEEKEND! You can’t “suffer” for a fucking weekend?

Early on, you just want Paula herself to tell him to shut the fuck up.

The tiresome conversations and moments continue with the visit with Richard’s parents in Virginia. Richard didn’t tell his parents he got married, which is understandable since it literally just happened days before. However, why are Richard and Paula so surprised at everyone’s reaction at the dinner table? It’s like they can’t believe that Richard’s family has the audacity to be mad at the two for not telling them about the biggest moment of their entire lives. Do you see how overblown Richard and Paula’s reactions to everything are? Richard’s parents have a right to be shocked and angry. I understand Paula being a bit tense with everyone talking at the dinner table at the same time because it’s hard for her to understand who is saying what, but she almost completely shuts off instead of trying to engage like this is some sort of agonizing torture. If this is your first time meeting your husband’s parents, and this whole trip was YOUR idea, the least you can do is pretend to enjoy yourself. This is just the beginning of the unraveling of the Paula character, as each minute of screentime adds to her case of unlikability that rivals Richard’s efforts. First of all, she looks at Richard mad as hell when he reveals the news of their marriage to everyone. Why? She knew his family didn’t know before they walked in the front door. Did she believe they were going to be jumping up and down in excitement after not being invited to their only son’s wedding? Was there a better time to reveal this information? I don’t think there was. Doing it over the phone would be disrespectful, so Richard did the best he could considering how little of time they had. Why does she look at him like “I can’t believe you just did that”?

Following this, her neurotic tendencies start to come out. When they’re alone, she’s complaining about needing air and has trouble opening up the window. Well, you’re wearing a turtleneck with a sweater on top of it. Do you think that’s helping? Richard’s mother Ann (Audra Lindley) hits Richard and cries for not telling him about his marriage to Paula, and we’re supposed to be like, “Man, what’s up with these parents, am I right?”. No, this is once again completely reasonable behavior by the parents in these situations, regardless of how annoying she can be with her tendency to take pictures of everyone. Her forcing Richard to take a picture of her to remember the “Worst day of my life” was very funny though. The next day, one of the very importance scenes that make an impact on the story is Paula’s telling expressions when noticing how Ann serves Richard’s father (Keenan Wynn) food and such and how she is expected to do the same as a married woman, which she’s not fond of. In a real relationship, this sort of thing can be worked out through general communication, but for some reason, this moment is an unofficial deal-breaker and subconsciously dejects Paula from the rest of the trip. When faced with a visit from Weisman, where he wants them to fly back to California to finish the rewrites on their screenplay, she wants to do so immediately. Now, not to compare one’s suffering, but Richard went through a hell of a lot more at Paula’s house than Paula did with Richard’s house, especially up until that point, but she’s already willing to throw in the towel when the shoe is on the other foot. To the viewer, the female character in Paula who started off as strong and independent completely gave up on everything she was working towards as soon as she was the one who was facing adversity. Since Richard is already a prick to begin with, the audience has no one to root for.

The question becomes, “What is the goal here?”.

After this, it’s just a downward spiral. Obviously, it’s understandable Paula is uneasy about going to this party to celebrate the two getting married, but again, you have to suck it up. First of all, Richard’s parents already went through the trouble of putting one together on short notice because they love them. Second of all, they were the ones who were given the news of Richard and Paula getting married late, so it’s the least Richard and Paula can do to make up for it. All they have to do is show up, engage in meaningless conversation for a bit, say “Thank you” a bunch of times for a few hours, and head home the next day. Third of all, Richard already went to Paula’s parents’ “40th Anniversary party”, which turned out to be just a dinner between the four of them that they all got dressed up for. All Paula has to do is return the favor, and she’s downright refusing it. Honestly, fuck off. At the party, Richard does his part, but Paula storms off after a couple suggests she think about kids since she’s not getting any younger. Okay, that’s a shitty thing to say. No one is arguing that, but the fact that she can’t privately express her feelings to Richard without making a scene is just obnoxious. When he makes matters worse and grabs her arm, so she yanks it and hits a guy, you are left to one conclusion: Maybe these two should call it. It only makes matters when worse when instead of thoroughly hashing things out after such a public blowup (the normal thing to do), Richard just gives her a Valium and says, “I don’t want another scene like we had tonight”. It’s like he had to remind the viewer that he’s still an asshole and was offended that Paula was trying to steal his thunder.

There are a lot of other scenes and moments that try to prepare us for a potential split or a potential strengthening of the relationship in spite of what’s going on, but almost none of it is compelling, emotional, funny, or remotely entertaining. It’s just a hodgepodge of nothingness. There are scenes like Richard hanging out with his dad to stare at ducks as they say fuck all about what it takes to make a marriage work (as they just walk around it without saying anything specific) and goes nowhere. Despite the amount of time it takes up, the only thing we take note of is Richard’s face when his dad asks if he loves Paula, as he just looks away and stops smiling. The hospital scene when Paula admits to embarrassing Richard and his family is dangerously underwritten. What could have been a crucial conversation to define where the line is drawn is just Richard agreeing with Paula that she fucked up instead of acknowledging how he too played a part in this weekend’s downfall since he chose to drug her instead of you know, talking things out. Then you have moments like the breakdown back in Los Angeles, which is chronologically a day later, proving how wrong they are for each other. There’s a rainstorm and somehow, Richard’s parked car is flipped on its side when the rain was nowhere near that bad. Then, the two argue some more, naturally blame each other, and Richard moves out only for the climax to inexplicably reconcile the situation. The only scene that really hit the nail on the head of the “trapped” feeling Paula starts to get is when she tears up once her father Tim says he wishes for their marriage to be as happy as theirs. She knows the state of her parents’ current marriage and it isn’t what she originally thought it was, showing the potential for what could happen between her and Richard. Sadly, this was one of the only scenes that was meaningful enough for us to care, but it only affected her and her point of view.

Richard never has this emotional moment, which is why we couldn’t give less of a damn about his outcome by the time we see that fake sunset.

The behavior of our leads can only work if the wackiness of everything else is tuned up to make the characters look like they’re the normal ones for the sake of comedy, but it’s not. They just look like self-serving assholes who can’t stand to be in an a slightly uncomfortable situation for more than a second. You start to realize that when there is literally ANYONE else in the room with Richard and Paula, something or someone incites anger between them. It’s like no one is good enough to exist in their presence. In reality, these two are an extremely toxic couple with high standards and don’t mesh together because neither is willing to compromise in any situation for longer than an hour. Basically, they are the problem, and they should not continue this relationship for the sake of both of them, their mental health, and their working relationship. This weekend, the first time they have an obligation as a couple, proves it. If you can’t suffer for the sake of your partner by just visiting and meeting their families and playing nice, especially considering they may only have to see them once every few years or so because they live so far away, then you fucking suck as a couple! There is not a single moment where Richard asks Paula how he can make things better or what he can do (in a sincere manner) to make her feel at ease. The one time Paula attempts to ease the situation because she feels like she’s screwing things up, Richard gives her a Valium to calm down, which leads to an accidental overdose the next day. If you have to resort to taking drugs to get through a couple of days of meeting your spouse’s family, you have to split up. It’s really that simple. This is the ONE test they had as a couple and they failed miserably, which is why the ending was completely illogical based on everything else preceding it. When you get to the point where you break a window out of pure anger and shove your wife’s face out of it until she cries, I’m not sure how one can come back from this.

An ending similar to 2006’s The Break-Up was desperately needed here. Sometimes, things aren’t meant to be. It’s the only way these two egomaniacs can coexist in a situation true to life. Considering the fact that the writers for the movie in Levinson and Curtin split up after writing Best Friends, it only strengthens this argument because the soul of the screenplay were two real-life people with a similar situation, and even they couldn’t make it work. Do you think these fictional characters could somehow beat the odds considering what unfolded over a span of a few days? Not a fucking chance.

Best Friends isn’t terrible, as there are a lot of instances of snappy and quotable dialogue and solid jokes written here and there like during Richard’s many outbursts or Paula admitting that what he says following their final argument “…Could have been the best exit line of your life”, which was even more amusing because the door was locked, and he couldn’t leave for it to be an exit line. Plus, the “break an egg” apology was a cute moment. So, there are elements that keep it comedic, but most of it gets bogged down by the miserableness of the characters and the series of events that are their first test as a married couple, a couple that apparently never had an issue before they made things official, which I doubt. As time goes on, the humor is less noticeable, the stress rises, the flipflopping of our main characters’ thoughts on marriage proves weary, the arguing between our two “romantic” leads reaches a point where it’s not entertaining anymore and just dreadful, and our main characters become less and less likable as a result. By the end, you come to the same conclusion the characters do: They don’t belong together. But you see, we stand on this point because it’s a natural and logical solution. Nevertheless, Hollywood can’t help itself but prefer the “Hollywood ending”, even when it contradicts the entirety of the story.