Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Starring: Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, Christine Taylor, Rip Torn, Justin Long, Stephen Root, Alan Tudyk, Joel David Moore, Chris Williams, Missi Pyle, Gary Cole, Jason Bateman, Hank Azaria, William Shatner, Lance Armstrong, David Hasselhoff, and Chuck Norris
Grade: Classic

Dodgeball is the definition of the phrase, “They don’t make them like this anymore”.

Summary

In a commercial for Globo Gym, owner, operator, and founder of Globo Gym America Corp in White Goodman (Stiller) talks to the viewer about how ugliness and fatness are genetic disorders “much like baldness or necrophilia”, and it’s only your fault if you don’t hate yourself enough to do something about it. Pointing out his highly trained, quasi-cultural staff of personal alteration specialists and their competitively priced onsite cosmetic surgery that will turn your “Frankenstein” into a “Franken-fine“, he notes that you will still be you in a legal sense, but you will become a thinner, more attractive, better you that wouldn’t be possible without Globo Gym. White knows this because he’s also a client. A picture is shown of a 600-pound White in 1987 eating ice cream. To end the commercial, White spouts the slogan of Globo Gym: “We’re better than you, and we know it”. Fellow gym owner Peter LaFleur (Vaughn) wakes up on the couch to his dog Crash licking him. After he shoos him away, Peter catches the end of the commercial commenting, “Spare me”. Getting up from the couch, Peter plays his voicemail aloud. One message is from Doris of the Department of Water and Power. They’ve been trying to reach him, but his phone was disconnected. His water and power will be shut off by 5PM that day because of an 8-month overdue account. Another is from Seth from Videorama. Peter has several DVDs that are overdue such as Drunken Hussies 3, Backdoor Patrol 5, and Mona Lisa Smile. Uncaring, he drinks a Yoo-hoo, brushes his teeth, throws the Yoo-hoo bottle in the yard, and barely gets his car to start to go to work. He knows today is going to be a good day. Unfortunately, his car breaks down on the way to work, and he’s pushed the rest of the way by some locals. Finally, he gets to Average Joe’s Gym, his business that is placed right across the street from its fundamental opposite in Globo Gym.

Average Joe’s has a very different philosophy that Globo Gym. Much like Peter himself, it’s laid-back, friendly, and well, average. Peter has a great relationship with all the workers and all the clientele. He greets Owen (Moore) on the way in and can tell something’s wrong, so he asks him what’s up. Owen admits he’s trying this new voicemail dating thing, but no one has left him a message and it’s been two months. Peter is quick to tell him there is someone out there for everyone. In some cases, there’s two somebodies for one person, which is what he calls the “jackpot”. Owen appreciates it, and Peter continues on, running into regular gym member Gordon (Root). Gordon excitedly talks about his workout and asks if Peter caught the game last night, meaning the amateur curling championships on ESPN8: The Ocho. Naturally, Peter didn’t watch it, and Gordon tells him that he missed a great one. Peter questions how he even hears about these things, so Gordon shows him the magazine he’s reading, OSQ (Obscure Sports Quarterly). On the cover is a picture highlighting midget tossing. Moving on, Peter compliments him on his orange shirt and headphones and encourages Gordon to finish his workout. Next, Peter finds teenager and regular Justin (Long) tangled up in a machine, so he helps him out of it. He notes how dangerous that much weight can be, but Justin thinks it will be worth it when he makes the cheerleading squad to prove he’s not a loser. This confuses Peter because high school has clearly changed since he was a kid. In a flashback, Justin details what happened at last year’s tryouts, something everyone remembers and made him the laughingstock of the school. In it, Justin is judged by his crush Amber (Julie Gonzalo) and her boyfriend Derek (Trever O’Brien). Justin and Amber are nice to each other and wish each other luck. To give him a difficult time, Derek makes Justin’s partner the heavyset Martha Johnstone (Lori Beth Denberg). Justin lifts her but the weight is too much. She flops right on top of him in front of everyone.

Getting out of the flashback, Peter acknowledges how rough it sounded, but he tells Justin to not worry about the Amber situation, it will work itself out in the end, and he will laugh at all of it one day. Peter is laughing already.

Continuing his walk through the gym, Steve the Pirate (Tudyk) pushes Peter against the wall with a knife until he realizes it’s Peter. Steve admits he will be short on the payment of his membership this month, but Peter is fine with it and tells him to pay when he gets the money. Continuing his pirate act, Steve talks about how “The Dread Pirate Steve will be in no man’s debt” and talks about making a barter with him. In exchange for Peter’s kindness, he’ll be splitting his buried treasure with him, when he finds it of course. Peter tells him he’s flattered, but he’s down for just a few bucks here and there when he gets it. Steve thanks him and heads to the StairMaster, laughing off Peter’s advice to just say hello next time. Getting into his office, Peter finds Katherine Veatch (Taylor) of Hawthorne Stone sitting there and already begins flirting. Peter is unaware of her credentials, so she has to remind him that she’s a lawyer who works for his bank. He asks what law she studies while referring to her as “pretty eyes” and she jokingly responds, “Sexual harassment”. She also handles real estate and tax law though, which is why she’s there. Once they have a seat, Kate explains he’s in foreclosure. He thought he was in default, but she explains how he was when they sent the delinquency notices. Peter thought they were just warnings, and Kate says they were (Well, no one warned me”). Even so, Kate tells him he has 30 days to pay the balance of his mortgage, or he will lose the gym. Peter is fine with this and asks what he owes. To his surprise, it’s $50,000. He’s taken aback a little but begins to write out a personal check. He does say she might have to wait until the end of the month to cash it because he will have to switch some funds around and the charity he works with will have to take a hit. Kate is serious though and says she will have to review all of his financial statements and assess any tax liabilities. She asks if he keeps financial records, invoices, revenue reports, and taxable income and such. Peter does and shows her to his closet full of them.

They open the doors and a bunch of papers fall down because he’s never really filed them. Out of curiosity, Peter questions who would want to buy Average Joe’s. Naturally, it’s White Goodman.

Peter pays White a visit over at Globo Gym, just as White completes a set and his “Fitness Consigliere” Me’Shell (Jamal Duff) hypes him up. White tells the doorman to add three pounds to the scales in the women’s locker room before he goes home. White offers Peter a series of healthy snacks, but he declines. White wants to walk and talk and exits the office, slamming the door behind him instead of holding it open for Peter who’s directly behind him. Following this, Peter walks with White, and White knows why he’s here. He bought out the second mortgage on Peter’s gym and knows he only has 30 days to make $50,000. If he doesn’t, Peter’s gym becomes White’s. Peter acknowledges they have had their differences in the past, but White doesn’t appreciate him underselling it, reminding Peter about how he slept with three of his female trainers (“It was one night”). He also brings up when Peter sent him a strip-o-gram for Globo Gym’s one-year anniversary, which was a man. Peter bypasses this and wants to talk like professionals, but White doesn’t consider them the same because his gym makes money and Peter’s doesn’t. White’s gym is worth $4 million (“I have shareholders. You haven’t even got cupholders”). White considers Globo Gym an institution while calling Average Joe’s a skid mark on the underpants of society. He goes on about how he built this place from the ground up, along with a large inheritance from his father Earl. Nevertheless, White plans on demolishing Average Joe’s to build a new auxiliary parking structure for his members. He has no sympathy, even adding that he hopes everyone’s in there when he destroys the place. He has Me’Shell show Peter out and lays down in the tanning bed right after (“Turn it up high, Reggie. I want to burn!”). After work hours, Peter meets with Steve, Gordon, Justin, Owen, and employee Dwight (Williams) and tells them what’s going on. He opens the floor for suggestions.

Owen raises his hand. Peter tells him it’s more of an open forum and he doesn’t have to do that but encourages him to go ahead.

Spit balling, Owen suggests they pay it off in Canadian dollars and save themselves some money. Peter explains that $50,000 American would equate to roughly $70,000 Canadian, so this would be tough. However, Owen takes in a different direction and freaks out, questioning how they will be able to get $120,000. Gordon tells Owen you don’t add them together, but he also corrects Peter and says it would actually be $73,313. Dwight cuts off Gordon because none of it matters. They can’t come up with $50,000. They all start to agree, but Justin doesn’t want to hear it. He tries to inspire them because he doesn’t want them to just let Globo Gym take them over. To show them how important Average Joe’s is, he asks Gordon where he goes when his wife changes the locks. It’s Average Joe’s. He asks Dwight and Owen what they will do without Average Joe’s. Are they going to work at the airport again? Neither want that, though Owen only shakes his head because he saw how adamant Dwight was about it. Turning to Steve, Justin asks Steve where he goes to do whatever it is that he does. Steve just says Joe’s is the only place for him, furthering Justin’s point. Justin adds that he can’t go back to working out at his high school because they’ll just laugh at him there, stuff him in lockers, and make him eat clay. He needs Joe’s, and he knows they need the place too. Hearing this, Owen has an idea: Car wash! Unfortunately, they choose the same day a bunch of girls in bikinis do the same thing right across the street. Peter and the crew don’t get any customers except some weird guy who keeps paying Justin to wash his truck (“That’s it, boy. Get in there nice and deep-ly”). The day is a failure, and they get back to the gym to find a cutout of White planted directly in the gym as you walk in. It’s a motion sensor one as well, which spouts sayings from White. Peter reads the letter attached to the hand of the cutout, and it contains free 30-day trial memberships to Globo Gym.

Owen thinks it’s cool, so Dwight explains to him how it was sent as an insult. Gordon suggests they sell the memberships for cash because the car wash actually cost them money. Peter is down to call it quits (“… but if an impromptu car wash doesn’t save us the $50,000 we need to save this place, then I guess it just isn’t in the cards”). He admits if there was any way to get $50,000 in 30 days short of robbing a bank, he’d do it. Dwight says they could sell blood and semen. Steve isn’t sure about this, but Dwight is quick to say it wouldn’t be mixed together. Moving on, Peter appreciates the enthusiasm, but he thinks they should look at this the Irish-wake style and remember the good times. He passes out a beer to everyone. Justin drops his. Once he picks it up and opens it, it splashes in his face. Even so, Peter begins his toast to say goodbye to Average Joe’s, deeming it a hell of a run. He goes to turn on “The Thong Song”, but Gordon stops him. He has a real idea. They could play dodgeball. Peter thinks everyone’s too tired to play around, but Gordon explains they can actually do it to raise the money. There’s a tournament in Las Vegas. He actually feels dumb that he didn’t think of it before. He reads about the Las Vegas International Dodgeball Open every year in Obscure Sports Quarterly. It’s open to any team that wins a regional qualifying match. Dwight questions how winning a dodgeball tournament will get them the money, so Gordon reveals the winner gets a cash prize of exactly $50,000. Peter isn’t sure because none of them even know how to play, but Justin interrupts to say he does. They learned in PE last year, as they showed them an old instructional film about it. Dwight asks if he can get his hands on the film, and Justin is sure of it. Peter wants everyone to be serious, but Justin reminds him what he said. Peter did say he would do anything to raise the money. This is that anything. All of them are on board, so Peter relents (“You guys had me at blood and semen”).

Back at Globo Gym, White is in his office with electrodes attached to his nipples and a donut in front of him. He tests himself by grabbing the donut and teasing himself with it before shocking himself (“You want it, don’t you, fat boy?”). Me’Shell interrupts to say Kate is here to see him. He tells Me’Shell to give him 30 seconds before sending her in. White uses a pump to make the bulge on his jumpsuit look bigger, grabs the dictionary, and runs upstairs.

Once Kate is let in, White comes down the stairs reading the dictionary and acts like he wasn’t expecting her. She reminds White that he asked her to come there, but he still acts aloof. Perplexed, she asks if he’s reading the dictionary, and he again acts like he wasn’t trying to be seen (“You caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too”). They sit down, and he asks if everything is going swimmingly with his acquisition of Average Joe’s. She confirms while mentioning how there’s still a lot to do so she has to go back, but she’s thrown off by White’s painting of him literally grabbing a bull by the horns. He tells her it’s a metaphor for how he handles business but also tells her it actually happened. He tries to be welcoming and wants to make sure Kate doesn’t think of him as her boss, but Kate assures him that she doesn’t. She explains that she’s contracted by the bank and was assigned to White’s account. White reduces this to her working for the bank and the bank working for him, which would make him her boss in a way. He begins to flirt with Kate and talks about not being shackled by the employer/employee relationship, sitting on his desk to accentuate his bulge in front of her. She tries to ignore his advances and even says she prefers it at Average Joe’s. White can’t believe she likes it over there with the “freaks” over in “Loser Town”, but she points out that they are people just like them. White laughs at her, adding that this is what he loves about her. She has a personality. He sits down closer to her and suggests they mate, or date rather. She throws up in her mouth a little, prompting White to reply that some cultures only eat vomit (“I never been there, but I read about it, in a book”). Kate stands up, turning him down and stating she doesn’t date clients. With this, White brings Me’Shell in to escort her out. Before she goes, White tells Kate to make sure everything goes well because he can tell they are up to something at Average Joe’s.

Once she leaves, he deflates the bulge.

At Average Joe’s, the guys watch the instructional dodgeball video Justin got from his high school. It’s black-and-white and probably from the 1950s. The narrator takes little Timmy (Cayden Boyd) away from painting a picket fence with lead-based paint to a Chinese opium den. This is where dodgeball was invented in the 15th century “by opium-addicted Chinamen”. Back then however, they would throw severed human heads at each other instead of the ADAA (American Dodgeball Association of America) approved balls they use today. After Timmy takes a hit of the opium in the video, they show how the game is played. Then, seven-time ADAA All-Star Patches O’Houlihan (Azaria) greets Timmy as the narrator spouts his credentials. Patches lets the viewer in on the rest of the rules and also gives Timmy the advice of picking the bigger and stronger kids for his team so they can all gang up on the weaker ones. To show this, he points out a young kid name Winston. Timmy throws the dodgeball at Winston’s face, and it smashes his glasses, making him fall. Patches laughs aloud. Before the video finishes, Patches lets everyone know the five “D’s” of dodgeball.

Of course, these are dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge.

Following the video, Gordon tells the group he signed them up for the sub-regional qualifier. It’s tomorrow at the Waldorf rec center. Everyone’s nervous because they haven’t even practiced yet, but Gordon reminds them they have to qualify for the Vegas Open. Tomorrow’s regional is their last chance. Peter calms them down and says the best way he’s learned about a sport is just by playing it anyway. Uninterested, Peter goes to his office to do some Mad Libs. Peter goes into his office, and he finds Kate looking into his files, jokingly asking if she has an office of her own. Frustrated, she points out how much better hers is than his, adding that she definitely doesn’t have 30 years of financial transactions devoid of any filing system known to man. Peter sarcastically brings up how it’s hard to believe he only has a semester of junior college under his belt. To show an example of how badly he’s running the place, Kate brings up how he hasn’t collected any membership fees in 13 months. She questions if its apathy or if he really just doesn’t have a goal in life. He replies that if you have a goal, you might not reach it. However, if you don’t have one, then you are never disappointed (“… and I gotta tell you. It feels phenomenal”). She sees how it makes sense, albeit in a sad way. Peter argues that what’s really sad is six grown men playing dodgeball. The rest of the guys go back inside the gym, and Dwight makes fun of the cutout of White on the way out. They have defaced the cutout already. Nevertheless, it was put there for a reason. In the eyes of the cutout are surveillance cameras that White had installed. Me’Shell plays the video back for him, so White knows about their dodgeball plan. Still, he doesn’t think they have a shot in hell of saving Average Joe’s. The next day at the qualifier, Peter shows up late, but they haven’t started yet. Owen sees that Gordon’s family came to watch, but it makes Gordon nervous.

Peter notes how his kids take after him, so he explains how his Asian wife is their stepmother. He got remarried three years ago and she was an internet mail-order thing. He says everything has been working out great and greets his wife, but she puts an “L” to her forehead to call him a loser, though he thinks it’s an “L” for love. Dwight tries to explain what it means, but Peter cuts him off. Moving on, Gordon says there are only two teams in this qualifier. All they have to do is beat this team to get to the Vegas Open. The team they are playing is Troop 417, a girl scout group. Kate comes to watch. Sadly, Average Joe’s gets their asses kicked. Peter gets the only elimination, but the girl he hit acts like she’s injured. He asks if she’s okay, but it’s a distraction and another girl eliminates him. When they go to announce the formal winner, the host is interrupted by a note. He announces that during the AADA-required random drug screening, one of the player’s urine from Troop 417 tested positive for three separate types of anabolic steroids and a low-grade beaver tranquilizer. Because of this, they are disqualified. The girls all know who it is, and one member throws her hat at her yelling, “Goddamn you Bernice!”. Bernice starts crying. Because of this, the winner of this year’s Dodgeball Regional Qualifying Tournament and Grammar Jamboree is declared to be Average Joe’s Gym. The guys start going crazy in celebration. That night at the bar “The Dirty Sanchez”, Kate is with them while they celebrate. Peter flirts with her and says it’s okay to admit why she came to watch. Kate argues she was in the neighborhood and thought he could use a cheering section. Peter suggests she join the team, but she turns him down. He turns it around and says it’s obvious that she digs him (“You’re hooked on LaFleur. I’ve been through this many times. I’m sorry. You can’t stay away from me. I’m so stupid”). She admits in brief moments that he’s not the worst but can’t finish her thought because White enters the bar with his Globo Gym team members.

Peter: “Oh, hey White. I didn’t think that Nazi camp got out until eight. Did you decide to skip arts and crafts?”

White: “… Yes, I did.”

White bypasses Peter and comments how he wasn’t aware he was paying Kate to socialize. Kate points out how she’s off the clock. White incorrectly uses air quotes to reply, “Well isn’t that ‘convenient’ for you and the clock”. White sarcastically congratulates them on their disqualification victory and then introduces them to the team he has winning the Las Vegas Dodgeball Open, his own team. They consist of Blade (Rusty Joiner), Laser (Kevin Porter), Blazer (Brandon Molale), Me’Shell, and the unibrow-sporting Fran Stalinovskovichdaviddivichski (Pyle). The Average Joe’s guys are in shock at Fran, but Owen is in love. White tells them that in Fran’s home country of Romanovia, dodgeball is the national sport. Her nuclear power plant’s team won the championship five years running, which makes her the deadliest woman on Earth with a dodgeball. He gets a dodgeball from Blazer, and he hands it to Fran to show them. She whips it at some random guy in the bar and knocks him out. White tells them that this was just her change-up. In the bar seeing all of this is an older, wheelchair-bound Patches O-Houlihan (Torn). Even so, White lets the Average Joe’s know that they are the Globo Gym Purple Cobras “and we will, we will, rock you”. After they do their snake-like taunt, Justin comments to Dwight that the guy that got hit by the ball might be dead because he hasn’t moved. Gordon questions how White’s team can be in the Las Vegas Open because they haven’t won a regional qualifying match. White reveals that the Dodgeball Chancellor (Shatner) is a personal friend of his that he helped shed some unwanted poundage before beach season. Peter tries to calm things down and just says they were trying to celebrate as a team. White laughs this off commenting, “Team? What team? Your best player thinks he’s a pirate!”. Steve gets up from the table angry, but Peter gets in-between them. He tells White that Steve is more of a pirate than White will ever be. Plus, they don’t know who their best player is. They’ve only had one game.

After a war of words, White shoves the waitress into their table and she drops the tray of food over all of them. Following this, White leaves with his team.

In the parking lot, Patches rolls up in his wheelchair and approaches Peter to tell him that was the worst display of dodgeball he’s seen in 40 years. Peter thinks he’s just some crazy guy, but Patches tells him who he is, and he announces himself as Average Joe’s new coach. The next day, Patches shows up and takes command of practice from the outset. Putting the group in a line, he assures them that if they master the five “D’s”, no ball can hit them. Justin notes how he doesn’t have a ball, but this is by design. Pulling out his sack of wrenches, Patches declares that if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. He whips a wrench at Justin and nails him in the face, dropping him. Peter questions if this is completely necessary to which Patches responds, “Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?”. Peter assumes not, and Patches agrees. However, he does it anyway because it’s sterile and he likes the taste. Moving on, he knows Peter is the leader, so he tells him he needs to learn how to do this dance in the dark. He gives him a bandana to wear as a blindfold. With this, they get into training, as they only have three weeks before the Las Vegas Open. Kate comes in at some point to see them doing suicides and movements while having wrenches thrown at them. They take notes, go through drills, and jog for miles. They do start to get better, and they’re finally able to catch some of the balls shot at them by Patches’s machine, with the exception of Justin. They even have to dodge traffic, with Gordon getting hit by two cars. In one study session, Patches spots Dwight sleeping and throws a wrench at his head. At one point, Patches gets mad at Gordon for not showing a killer instinct. When Gordon says he’s not an angry person, Patches punches him in the groin to try to incite him, but it doesn’t work. As the others help Gordon up, Kate walks by and picks up a ball. To everyone’s shock, she whips it at the cutout of White and breaks the head off it. She admits she was in softball for eight years.

Dwight thinks she’s a lesbian, but Peter dispels this. Either way, Patches says she can play. Back at Globo Gym, Me’Shell prints out the images from the surveillance camera in the cutout to show White what Kate did.

At Average Joe’s, the guys plead with Kate to play. She thinks White is a creep too, but she’s under contract and it would be a conflict of interest if she were to help. At Globo Gym, White is having his “private reflection period” where he watches a video of some chef (Oswalt) talking about pizza while he shoves a pizza slice down his pants. Me’Shell walks in without knocking and White flips out on him for it. Getting past this, Me’Shell shows him the pictures of Kate. Seeing that they are getting better and Kate can throw, White realizes he has to woo Kate sooner than nature intended. That night, White wears an all-white leather suit and shoes with a purple ascot and shows up to Kate’s home. She meets him on the porch and asks how he found out where she lives. He relays it to the Freedom of Information Act (“The hippies finally got something right hahaha. Just kidding, but not really”). He sits her down for a moment to tell her the “good” news. She’s fired. He called the bank to tell them she was stealing and drinking on the job, and they bought it. They signed someone else to his account. Kate can’t believe this and asks why he did such a thing, so he reveals that he’s here to begin his courtship with her. Disgusted, she questions if he really fired her just so she would date him. White doesn’t see an issue with it (“You are a crazy little man”). He still tries to put the moves on her and gets a little aggressive. Thankfully, Peter shows up to intervene and tells him to leave. Taking the loss, White tells him that after this tournament, Peter’s gym, his life, and his girl will all be his. White then tries to kiss Kate, but she slams his head on the wall. Peter tries to help White up, but he angrily moves away from both of them. He tells Kate it’s over between them and declares that nobody makes him bleed his own blood. He snaps his fingers and Me’Shell shows up on a moped in the street waiting for him.

He hops on the back of it and flips them off as Me’Shell drives away. Peter smells cookies emanating from Kate’s house, so he walks in without asking her and sees the unicorn-themed house, which never gets a payoff by the way. She just likes them. Nevertheless, they have some wine and Peter asks her to reconsider joining the team as a personal favor to him. He says she will sort-of have her own changing room and offers an envelope containing two expired movie passes and a coupon for a free back rub from Peter. He jokes that if she plays her cards right, it could turn into a full body. Kate laughs it off and turns down the gifts. However, she does want to see White’s face when they win that tournament. She’s in! The Average Joe’s have leveled up just in time for the Las Vegas Open. Still, this tournament is going to be quite the uphill battle.

My Thoughts:

Uproariously funny from start to finish, endlessly quotable, and led by the two of the best comic actors of their generation, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story is a film that defined an era of comedy. Not only is it one of the best sports films ever and one of funniest movies of the 2000s, but it’s also one of the funniest movies of all time.

For many, one of the best eras for the comedy genre were the 2000s, when the “Frat Pack” reigned supreme. Once the Saturday Night Live alums began to cool down and Jim Carrey started to space out projects while venturing more into dramatic territory, the talented group of comic actors and performers took over comedy in film for a period of time with some of the most outrageously funny movies to ever grace cinemas. Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, and Luke Wilson, along with outliers like Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, and Jack Black, would churn out hits and cult classics left and right. Arguably the best example of the Frat Pack at their peak is 2004’s Dodgeball. There is a reason it’s played on television virtually every week. Legitimately one of the most laugh-out-loud comedies of all time, Dodgeball is a masterclass of the genre. There are only a select few films that can generate laughs no matter how many times someone watches them. Even those that are considered to be among the greatest ever can run their course or even run the risk of becoming that film that isn’t as good as one may have remembered it to be. However, first-time writer/director Rawson Marshall Thurber’s classic is able to avoid this by a wide margin. With a unique premise, and an array of memorable characters, gags, one-liners, and all-around silliness, the “Grade A” screenplay follows the underdog story formula right out of an instructional book on how to write a screenplay, but enlivens it with a fresh coat of paint by spotlighting a sport never covered on film, inserting plenty of eccentric humor and well-defined characters to fill in the cracks, and hiring elite performers to put it all together.

When we say that the barebones of the screenplay is the prototypical example of the underdog story, we mean it. It checks every box. It’s the evil corporate mega gym taking on the friendly, small scale local gym. It’s two team captains who are polar opposites of one another. One is the intense, egomaniac villain who legitimately thinks everyone outside of his world is lesser-than, and the other is the lazy, laid back, positive, savvy, natural born leader everyone gravitates towards. It’s the team of champion, overconfident athletes taking on quite literally average Joes, which is only further symbolized by the aptly named gym the protagonist runs. Speaking of which, Vince Vaughn embodies the “everyman” character archetype that runs the place as Peter LaFleur. Though Vaughn is at his best as the fast-talking loudmouth, his performance as one of the most chill heroes that audiences have ever come across is probably his most endearing. Just like how Peter is written, Vaughn is fantastic as the cool gym owner and friend to all, who fosters a welcoming and low-key environment for anyone who enters Average Joe’s Gymnasium. Unambitious and completely content with where his life is despite obvious financial struggles, Peter is one solid dude that is hard not to like. He can reiterate the team motto being “Aim low” and turn it into a calling cry simply because of his innate charisma that commands the room. All the workers love him, the gym goers adore him, and he’s a natural conversationalist who can win anyone over with his smooth talking, cool guy attitude, and laidback approach with everyone he comes into contact with. Along with being satisfied with who he is, Peter has spent years unintentionally channeling this energy into his workplace, creating this culture in his gym for the outcasts, the shy, or the weird to make sure they feel at home and stress-free at Average Joe’s. Garnering a reputation because of how good of a guy he is, Peter also reinforces this culture of Average Joe’s just by being around in general.

When you bring that positive energy in, it’s infectious, which is why Peter keeps everyone’s spirits up with encouraging words of advice and motivation, never once having to push people to their limits like his opposite in White Goodman. Even when he’s late for their first match, Dwight asks Peter if he had a bad morning to which he replies, “They usually follow good nights, Dwight”. He never dwells on the bad stuff or makes things about himself. That’s Peter LaFleur. Peter doesn’t pressure his customers to “better” themselves nor does he make them feel guilty about their progress, or lack thereof. Even in the closing minute of the movie where he makes a commercial for Average Joe’s, he continues with his authentic approach with people that defines his character telling the viewer, “You’re perfect just the way you are, but if you feel like losing a few pounds, getting healthier, and making some good friends in the process, then Joe’s is the place for you”. He may not understand people like Steve the Pirate, but he doesn’t judge. If that’s who they want to be, he gives them a wink and a nod and wishes them the best. Vaughn is phenomenal in the role and doesn’t get enough credit for immaculately portraying the likable, positive, slacker protagonist without forcing the persona in the slightest. He truly is Peter LaFleur in all his glory. Just like you’re a member of his gym, Peter’s nonchalant and genuine personality attracts the viewer and wins them over in mere minutes with his daily interactions with everyone. For what is asked of Vaughn, it’s a wonderfully underrated performance. The only reason it doesn’t get nearly enough attention that it deserves is because of Ben Stiller putting on one of the greatest comic performances of all time on the other side of the pond. Channeling his “Tony Bobbins” character from The Ben Stiller Show and Tony Perkis Jr. from Heavyweights, Stiller cranks it up a notch or ten as the antagonist White Goodman.

Everything Peter and Average Joe’s are, White and Globo Gym are not.

Embodying the Napolean complex to obscenely funny levels, White refuses to be anything less than perfect, whether it’s in his personal life or his business. Building his empire from the ground up (along with an inheritance from his father), White has turned Globo Gym into a highly successful publicly traded company. As the owner and face of the brand, the insecure White keeps himself to a high standard, which is why he sees everyone else as losers, especially those at Average Joe’s. His hair is perfect, he makes sure to maintain his tan, and he’s in great physical shape due to his constant torture-based training to ensure he won’t relapse to the tub of goo he used to be all those years back. White is driven and wants to dominate in every facet of life. If there is a weakness in his game, he directs all his energy to stomping it out. If a person is his target and in his way of succeeding, the same rule applies. He holds grudges to the bitter end, considers himself the prize, will cut any corner to get ahead including getting Kate fired so she would date him, and he creates an atmosphere at Globo Gym that is essentially the intense, toxic gym culture that everyone outside of “gym bros” hate. It’s pretty much why Planet Fitness rose the ranks as a major gym corporation. Actually, Average Joe’s lax aura does resemble Planet Fitness in a lot of ways. Even so, in his best role to date, Stiller revels in playing the ultra-serious, cocky, over-the-top antagonist to perfection. Everything he does with his speech pattern, his voice, his mannerisms, and his energy help make him the flawless foil to the witty and lovable Vaughn. Realistically, he’s one of the greatest cinematic villains of all time. Still, White is just as hilarious as he is deliciously evil. Every line delivery is funnier than the last with White Goodman. Days and even years after watching it, you will find yourself quoting Dodgeball not only because of him, but there are some jokes that you don’t appreciate until years later due to the sheer number of hysterical lines in every single scene.

In subsequent rewatches of the film, you end up finding a new favorite that you didn’t pick up on the first time such as White arrogantly telling Peter, “Stick it in your ear LaFleur. I wouldn’t sell you your gym back for all of King Midas’s silver”. It’s comedic brilliance from paper to performance. Ben Stiller being able to do all of this with a straight face is probably the most amazing thing about the film. How did he manage to get through a take screaming phrases such as “That’s pure poppycock!”, “Cram it up your cramhole LaFluer!… Prepare to be humiliated on cable television”, “You’re going down like a sweet muffin!”, and hearing Peter mention to his teammates about money won being a lot sweeter than money earned and replying sarcastically, “Now, he’s a philosophizer”? It’s hysterical from beginning to end, and the consistent humor that has the audience on the floor laughing isn’t strictly attributed to the two leads either. Everyone in this ensemble contributes in a major way. This cannot be stressed enough. Not to be outdone by her real-life husband in Stiller, Christine Taylor is fantastic as the cute love interest. We can talk about the Angelina Jolies and Jennifer Anistons of the world, but you’d be hard pressed to not have a crush on Taylor by the end of this film. Her role as the intelligent, tough, athletic, and funny Kate caught in a love triangle, with one part of the triangle she has no interest in, is just as instrumental to the movie’s legacy as the two stars. For a one-off, Christine Taylor has one of the hottest performances coming out of that decade without even trying. Besides this, the commentary provided by Gary Cole and an against-type Jason Bateman is riotous and should not go unnoticed (“We’ll separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, and the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian”). Cole playing it straight as the usual play-by-play guy and Bateman as the brash, surfer-speaking color commentator is the 1-2 combination that is exactly what a sporting event like this needs, especially one that is “greater than the World Cup, World Series, and World War II combined”.

The hilarity only increases with their side comments in each game like watching the Kamikazes play and Pepper mentioning, “I don’t know how they can play in diapers Cotton. I never could”. Once Pepper starts stating the obvious and Cotton just deadpans it because it’s that dumb, you will be dying (“They have to forfeit” – “Bold strategy. Let’s see if it pays off, Cotton”). Even better than that is when the Average Joe’s get the wrong uniforms and walk out to a stunned crowd. The shocked Cotton calmly stating, “Oh my sweet Jesus” while an equally stunned Pepper adds “That’s rad” was gold.

Outside of the main cast, they even nail the cameos without taking the movie into a too over-the-top direction. David Hasselhoff being the coach of the German team is amazing, and the combination of Chuck Norris and Lance Armstrong in the third act was genius (“I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn’t have anything to regret for the rest of their lives. Good luck to you, Peter. I’m sure this decision won’t haunt you forever”). Neither are cutaway gags either. They are both short and sweet appearances, but the two are trusted to complete the puzzle in pivotal roles and it works (“I won that tournament… fucking Chuck Norris”). Dodgeball is a rare feature film in which everything they tried from a comedic standpoint worked. Do you realize how incredibly difficult that is to do? Additionally, Alan Tudyk steals every scene he’s in as a guy who thinks he’s a pirate, and Owen’s lack of identity and having no memory of who Steve is before the game, along with falling in love with the ugliest woman imaginable, will have you cackling. Justin Long injects a youthful energy as the awkward teen, and Stephen Root shines just as much as he did in Office Space. When you mix in an award-worthy Rip Torn as the offensive, wheelchair-bound dodgeball legend Patches O’Houlihan who echoes the infamous theory “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball” that will live for an eternity, every last person in the cast helps complete the all-around effort of the production. It’s an ensemble at its finest. Had the Academy Award for Best Casting existed in 2004, Dodgeball would have been a shoo-in to snatch it outright.

The Peter LaFleur/White Goodman dynamic is one of the best hero/villain stories out there. This is no exaggeration. We’re talking Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. We’re talking Batman and the Joker. We’re talking Rocky Balboa and Ivan Drago. This is the conversation of good versus evil that Vaughn’s Peter and Stiller’s White belong in. Their chemistry is insanely good, as evidenced by literally every exchange of dialogue they have (“I’ll take my chances in the tournament” – “Yeah, you will take your chances”). You can’t get enough of it, and White planting seeds in Peter’s mind about how much pressure his teammates put on him and always look to him to solve their problems was outstanding writing in its simplicity, doing a great job in making the audience doubt the finish. Furthermore, it’s capped off by an electric third act and climax where the two finally meet in Sudden Death after a double fault final play elimination, the first time it happened in the sport’s history since the Helsinki episode of 1919 “and I think we all remember how that turned out”. Though some of the details are questionable because they have to stay in the small triangle on the court, which begs the question as to what would happen if they both miss, but it doesn’t matter. The hero and villain facing off in Sudden Death for all the marbles, the two knowing how high the stakes are, and trash talking because of it while the spotlight is on them, is one of the best examples of good versus evil ever displayed on the big screen, and it’s a sequence that garners chills (“You look awful fat in those pants”). The subsequent blindfold moment was a risky decision that could have been stupid, but they managed to make it iconic.

Seriously, it’s peak comedy.

Keep in mind, this is a film so good that it not only makes you question why this presentation wasn’t the standard for the actual sport moving forward, a real missed opportunity too because winning that scepter would be awesome, but it inspired the creation of the real-life channel, ESPN8: The Ocho. Why they didn’t keep the slogan however is beyond me (“If it’s almost a sport, we’ve got it here”).

Everyone loves a good underdog story, and Dodgeball is one of the best in existence. An absolute masterpiece of the genre, the ridiculously funny film should be somewhere on everyone’s lists as one of the greatest comedies of all time. At this point, saying otherwise is blasphemous.

And for the love of God, stay for the post-credits scene.

As always, thank you, Chuck Norris.