Romancing the Stone (1984)

Starring: Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, and Danny DeVito
Grade: B+

I’m not sure why in the tagline for the film, Michael Douglas’s character is referred to as a “soldier of fortune”. For the record, he’s an exotic bird smuggler that carries a gun. I’m not entirely sure how those two got mixed up.

Summary

Living in New York City, Joan Wilder (Turner) is a successful romance novelist. After finishing her latest book, with the intro of this film being an acted-out version of it, we see Wilder weeping with happiness over the emotional and romantic ending she wrote. Ironically enough, Joan is single, living with her cat in a one-bedroom apartment. That night, she celebrates with the cat by drinking some wine and falls asleep on the couch. The next morning, she is awakened to a phone call, but the person hangs up before saying anything. Quickly, Joan realizes she overslept and is now running late for a meeting with her editor. She rushes out the door but still has time to help this old woman neighbor up the stairs. Afterwards, the woman hands Joan a big envelope that was addressed to her because the mailman couldn’t fit it into her mailbox. She jokes that it’s a love letter. Soon after Joan leaves, some mysterious man tries breaking into her place. One of the workers that knows Joan tries stopping him but is stabbed.

Joan meets with her editor Gloria (Holland Taylor), and they discuss Joan’s relationship issues, or lack thereof. Gloria also asks Joan about her sister Elaine (Mary Ellen Trainor), who’s been in Colombia looking for her husband Eduardo’s body because he was recently murdered. Joan mentions that the envelope she got this morning was from Eduardo and that it must’ve been mailed before he was killed. Over in Cartagena, Colombia, Elaine tries to leave her house, but some kid attacks her and steals her car with her knocked out in the passenger seat. The kid drives her to some pier where she is kidnapped, brought onto a boat, and driven away. From a distance, the scummy Ralph (DeVito) watches the whole thing and goes to talk with his partner-in-crime (and cousin) in Ira (Zack Norman) who set up the whole kidnapping. Usually, these two sell antique trinkets and have enough to live comfortably, but Ira thinks this kidnapping thing will be big time money, even though Ralph is iffy on the whole situation. Back in New York, Joan gets back to her apartment to see that the whole place has been ravaged through. She then gets a call from Elaine in Colombia, as she relays a message from her captors Ralph and Ira. Elaine tells her that the envelope from Eduardo contains a treasure map, and she must bring it to Colombia. She has to get to the Hotel Cartagena in Cartagena, and she can’t tell anyone. Otherwise, Elaine may not get out of this alive.

Despite writing about adventures, Joan isn’t the most adventurous person and is woefully unprepared for this trip, but she has to save her sister, despite Gloria telling her not to. Joan gives Gloria her cat to take care of and heads off, with the guy that broke into her apartment tailing her taxi.

Joan lands in Colombia but takes the wrong bus to Cartagena once she’s duped by the guy who broke into her apartment. In fact, he joins her on the bus to keep an eye on her. Ralph, who was waiting at the airport for her, sees her on the wrong bus at the last second. Now, he has to find a way after her and he’s pissed. The next morning, Joan wakes up on the bus and wonders how close she is to Cartagena, not realizing she took the wrong one. She asks the bus driver how far they are, but it distracts him long enough to get into an immediate car crash. Eventually, all the patrons leave the bus in anger, and the guy that broke into her apartment tells her she can wait for the next one. Right after this though, he pulls a gun on her, asking for her purse. From a distance, exotic bird smuggler Jack T. Colton (Douglas) is walking by. Joan sees him as she wonders what to do. The guy sees him too, so he shoots at Jack to scare him away. Fortunately, this draws Jack in instead, and he chases the guy off with his shotgun. Afterwards, he sees the wreckage of the car crash, and he flips because it was his car and it contained all of his birds, meaning the entire source of his income.

*We learn later that along with the birds and everything else contained in that vehicle, he lost around $15,000. *

The man that terrorized Joan runs and commandeers the first car he sees. Of course, it’s driven by Ralph. Now, he’s forcing Ralph to drive him at gunpoint. In the meantime, Joan begs Jack to take her to a nearby phone once he tells her how far she is from Cartagena. They are able to come to an agreement of $375 of traveler’s checks for Jack to do it. Considering he lost nearly everything he had in that car crash she caused, it’s the least she can do. Ralph drives the man straight to a law enforcement office, and it turns out that the evil guy that caused everything is Colonel Zolo (Manjuel Ojeda), Deputy Commander of the secret police. Next, the rain hits, and it’s excessive. After Jack convinces Joan to travel lighter (by throwing her suitcase off a cliff), the two fall down a mudslide. Back at the police station, Ralph calls Ira to flip out on him because they are both very aware of Zolo and his dealings. Plus, Ralph is a known wanted man in the area and can be caught at any time. Ira relays this message to Elaine, who’s still on the boat with him in captivity. Apparently, Zolo is the man that killed Eduardo. On top of that, he basically has an entire army backing him.

As Jack cuts off Joan’s heels with a machete so she can run in them, Zolo shows up with his small army and starts shooting at the two, with Jack realizing that he previously shot at a cop. Freaked out, Jack tells her that the deal is off as they run. After following Joan’s lead and swinging across a cliff to another like Tarzan, they are able to escape. Though they are free now, their adventure together has just begun.

My Thoughts:

There were a lot of adventure pictures coming out of the 1980s that get unfairly compared to Indiana Jones. Some do deserve the comparison because they’re shameless copies, but Romancing the Stone has that splash of treasure hunting fun come into play much later in the film. Here, the focus is more on the relationship between our two leads. It’s just like in the title. The “romancing” comes first, and the “stone” comes second. Essentially, that is the entire makeup of the film. Raiders of the Lost Ark and its sequel Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom played with the relationship fun, but the films were still focused on the treasure first and foremost. Since this is in the treasure hunting subgenre though, it is a bit surprising that the “stone” referred to in the title takes such a backseat. I’m not sure if it helps the movie or hurts it, but in terms of romantic adventure movies, Romancing the Stone does the job it set out to do.

Joan Wilder is a fun character to get behind. She’s a naive romance novelist that writes about an idealistic relationship with the perfect man. As good as she is as a writer, capturing the hearts of many people worldwide, she herself can’t seem to find a man. She’s not confident, isn’t very tough, and has no life outside of her work. She’s basically the exact opposite of the characters she writes about. On top of that, she’s going into Colombia of all places. This a woman that has only dreamed of leaving the country. Now, she’s being forced into a country in South America against her will, and she has no idea what to say, act, or do. The only thing she knows is that she has to go to save her sister. It’s a very interesting hook, but they get your attention early on with all these odds stacking up against our unprepared main character.

Now, let’s throw in Jack T. Colton.

Apparently, the “T” stands for trustworthy.

This was a star-making role for Michael Douglas. If you remember, besides 1979’s The China Syndrome, Douglas didn’t have that huge mainstream role that made him a sought-after star just yet. Sure, he had movies in between that time frame, but he didn’t have the one that really put him over the top. Romancing the Stone kick-started him into the A-List and for good reason. Not only did he prove he could be a lovable leading man, but he shows his natural charisma, ability to be a badass action hero, and at the same time can easily play the object of desire for our sympathetic protagonist. I love Douglas in these types of roles. He’s in that category of realistic action heroes with guys like Bruce Willis and Denzel Washington. They possess real emotions, look like normal people, and come off as total cool guys in any given situation. I know this isn’t news to us now how cool Michael Douglas is, but in 1984, we just found out. He’s got this antihero vibe about him where he’ll do Superman things but with the attitude of John Constantine. This is a far cry from the Arnold Schwarzenegger-type of hero. I know Sylvester Stallone was considered for the role of Jack, but Douglas fit the Colombian atmosphere so well, it’s hard to imagine Stallone in this scenario, especially in terms of romance. Yeah, he’s got the looks of someone Joan Wilder would write about, but he doesn’t have nearly the same personality, especially the under-the-radar, not-afraid-to-get-messy one you need to have in an environment like this.

The personality is key here because this is what inevitably attracts Joan. When we can’t see Jack’s face when he’s first introduced, we are reminded of the similar look in character we saw in Joan’s book in the opening of the film, implying Jack is the man she’s looking for. As we know though, looks can only get you so far and the attraction is not immediately there. This fits someone like Douglas more so than a Stallone or a Schwarzenegger. We know we’ll get there eventually because we’ve seen this type of movie before, but watching the chemistry build between them is the fun part.

Besides the fun chase sequences, the chemistry was evident in the cargo plane scene. There, we get one of the very few honestly-written dialogue scenes between them. It’s carefully crafted, with everything playing out between the two characters feeling so natural, you can see why the sexual tension starts to build.

Weed and alcohol will do that though.

You can see why it works and by the time they finally get to the phone for Joan to use, we kind of feel the same way she does. He’s not going to leave after all this is he? Of course, for the sake of the movie we know he won’t, but based off how Jack is, I wouldn’t doubt it. The character is written to be just distant enough to tease you into thinking he still might screw her over, especially when he makes a copy of the map. Thankfully, he offers to buy her dinner at the very least, giving us this perfectly placed dance sequence. This is where I realized how much I enjoyed watching the two together. How can you not want them to succeed? I’m not going to lie, I felt myself smiling ear-to-ear when they got on that dance floor. Plus, Michael Douglas has some good moves! You can tell the fireworks between them were sparking and ready to shoot off. I mean this literally too. Fireworks started going off in the background as they kissed. It’s a little cheesy because of the obviousness of it all, but it’s a well-intended mirroring of Joan’s fantasy books and her real romantic life. It never comes off as cringeworthy. It always fit the tone of the film, even with so many on-the-nose moments.

Another great example would be that the jewel they are chasing is called El Corazón, meaning “the heart”. Is that not obvious that this “heart” they are trying to steal is essentially a metaphor for Joan chasing Jack’s heart and vice versa? To really top it off, they should’ve made the jewel a bright red ruby! That would’ve made more sense. Then again, the emerald they do grab is absolutely beautiful. It’s so simple too. The treasure is just one big rock. It’s not some complicated artifact with a wild backstory or an intricate design. It’s just a sizable rock that’s in perfect condition and yet, I loved it. Simplicity is the key here in more ways than one. It’s enough to make you understand why it’s so coveted, but it’s also not wild enough to overshadow the characters. It’s just there to intensify the action, have something priceless all these colorful characters can chase, and make this entire adventure worth it.

We’re not here for the treasure, we’re here for the romance. Usually, that idea would steer me away from a movie like this, but that wasn’t the case here. I enjoyed these two together and seeing how they grow as people by being with each other.

Not sure if this bothers me too much, but I did feel like it was incredibly easy to get to the treasure. There weren’t any traps set or anything like that. It seemed like as long as you had this map in your possession, anyone could’ve gotten this jewel easily. The only hurdle someone may have had would be the language barrier but considering these two managed to get there, anyone could do it. A little more imagination or danger in the cave scene would’ve gone a long way. To try and avoid as many Indiana Jones comparisons as they could, it is possible they just decided to go this route and double down on the fact that the jewel isn’t the main goal. This way we know El Corazón isn’t the “heart” of this picture, Joan and Jack’s love is.

I love the question of whether Jack would take the treasure and run, or if he would go back to save Joan like he promised. The excitement levels rise exponentially as Joan heads over to meet Ira, even if we knew deep down Jack was going to be there in some capacity. This all sets up a wonderful climax where we finally get all the main characters in one room, all with different motivations and different allegiances and guns drawn. Despite the characters coming off as a bit one-dimensional because of the nature of the movie at first, we don’t realize how well they are written until it’s that calm before the storm, and your mind starts racing to see who’s going to do what based off how we know them. It’s chaos, and I thought it brought the movie up a whole letter grade because of how well the third act was handled. You get Zolo getting his arm taken off by a crocodile and still fighting, Ralph and Ira’s soldiers fighting government officials, Joan having to fight off Zolo after he manages to see her knife throwing ahead of time and block it, and Jack having to decide whether to continue fighting a crocodile that possesses the emerald or saving Joan. It’s such a great payoff that makes the movie worth the watch.

Danny DeVito brings his slapstick to the show, and it works in leaps and bounds. This movie wouldn’t have been nearly as good without him. His side adventure, going after our protagonists, is quite entertaining. He helps the humor of the movie immensely with his constant complaining to Ira and perpetual bad luck. He’s great as the slimy, money hungry prick. He’s so funny that at times, Ralph can be almost too likable as a tertiary villain. He also made Ira look like a chump in terms of personality. Though I will say that after the third time Ira said “Look at those snappers” when talking about the crocodiles, I started to laugh. The Colombian backdrop was a nice touch too. It still gives us that jungle look that seems to be a key for treasure hunting movies, but it also gives us an extra sense of danger because of the chaotic environment that the area could be for outsiders. Every American character that lives there tries to keep a low profile, do their thing, and move on. Otherwise, trouble will loom over them. Jack is a perfect example. He was minding his own business until he stared for a moment at Colonel Zolo. As a result, he was shot at. Not that Colombia is like this all the time or anything but for the context of the movie, this is the world-building they are trying to get over with the audience and it works. We feel the dangers of Colombia creeping in now that we are with Jack and Joan as they explore the landscape. In a sense, we as the viewer are like Joan. We are walking into a brand-new area and are hoping to get around without knowing the language or anyone there. Thankfully, we aren’t nearly as helpless as Joan seems to be early on, but you see my point.

Seriously though, why did she bring heels to a terrain like this? Minimal research at best would tell you that you should wear running shoes and appropriate athletic wear! I understand her sister being in peril is very sudden, but I’m not sure what she was expecting dressed like that.

Regardless, Kathleen Turner still churned out a fun performance with a character that has a lot more personality and depth than her contemporaries do in adventure films like this. As sheltered as she is, it’s fun to see her grow throughout this movie and become stronger and more confident by the time the climax comes around, as well as how madly in love she becomes with the naturally cool Douglas (and vice versa, though he’s not as outright about it). One of the final things said in this movie is that Joan has turned from a hopeless romantic into a hopeful romantic.

What a great way to put it.

The romance doesn’t feel forced and neither does the humor. It all fits naturally together. This is when you know you have a winning formula, regardless of the thrilling action. It makes you want to see this adventure through. Compared to its sequel in The Jewel of the Nile, Romancing the Stone feels like it has much more substance, is more romance-focused, and is a bit more serious. I don’t mean that it’s a serious movie in totality, it’s just that The Jewel of the Nile is more noticeably light-hearted. Romancing the Stone is a very fun romantic action comedy, with a great cast of characters, two well-matched leads, and lots of excitement. Basically, it’s an all-around good time. Even with its issues, I’d still argue that it’s one of the better movies of 1984.

Also, the crocodile skin boots at the end of the movie were a nice touch.

Fun Fact: Sylvester Stallone was considered for the role of Jack T. Colton, but he turned it down in favor of Rhinestone. Good job man. Clint Eastwood, Jack Nicholson, Paul Newman, Burt Reynolds, and Christopher Reeve were all considered as well. Bob Hoskins was offered the role of Ralph, but he passed on it. Thankfully, Danny DeVito is almost exactly the same person anyway. Debra Winger and Jessica Lange were both offered the role of Joan.