The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special (2022)

Starring: Pom Klementieff, Dave Bautista, Chris Pratt, Kevin Bacon, Karen Gillan, Bradley Cooper, Vin Diesel, Sean Gunn, Michael Rooker, and Maria Bakalova, with a voiceover cameo from Kyra Sedgwick
Grade: C+

Kevin Bacon watching 1964’s Santa Claus Conquers the Martians in his home has James Gunn written all over it.

Summary

In an animated sequence, a teenage Peter Quill puts together a Christmas tree with Kraglin Obfonteri (Gunn). Yondu Udonta (Rooker) approaches, and Quill tells him about the Earthly tradition of Christmas and how him and Kraglin got gifts for all the Ravagers, including Yondu. Yondu flips out though because he sees sentiment as a sign of weakness, telling Quill and Kraglin to get rid of the tree and the gifts. Otherwise, they’ll be forced to clean the latrines for the rest of the year. Before leaving the room, Yondu destroys the tree and declares he hates Christmas.

In real time, we see Kraglin telling this story to Mantis (Klementieff), Drax (Bautista), and Nebula (Gillan), with Drax thinking the story is hilarious. Kraglin notes that it’s Christmas time on Earth, so it’s bringing back some memories. This is where we learn from Nebula that the Guardians have purchased Knowhere from the Collector and use it as their home base. Nebula and Kraglin leave, noting how much work they have to do to make Knowhere a livable place. As Mantis and Drax talk about how sad the story was, we see Peter Quill (Pratt) going about his day. At the same time, we see Rocket (Cooper) working with the Guardians’ newest team member Cosmo the Spacedog (Bakalova). Quill runs into Bzermikitokolok (Rhett Miller of the Old 97’s), who asks him for help on the accuracy of this Christmas song him and his band made. They sing it for Quill and a crowd of onlookers, but it’s so far off base, Quill leaves in disgust. Mantis talks to Drax about how important Christmas probably is to Quill and how Yondu ruined the holiday for him. She thinks she should do something to make him feel better because she’s secretly Quill’s sister, a secret only Drax knows. She hasn’t told Quill yet because she feels he would be reminded of all the horrible things Ego did to him if she admits Ego is her father too. With Gamora being long gone, Mantis thinks that if she “saves” Christmas for Quill, he’ll be happy.

They discuss a potential present for Quill, but Drax suggests getting a special person instead. It can be someone Quill has talked about his whole life: Kevin Bacon. They’ll go to Earth to get Kevin Bacon and bring him back to Quill as a living Christmas present!

As you would expect, kidnapping a celebrity to take to an alien planet across the galaxy is a flawed plan in many different ways.

My Thoughts:

Though it’s not as useless as I Am Groot, The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special isn’t the most necessary MCU production.

The good about this special is that we know time is running out on the Guardians of the Galaxy franchise, so getting the most out of them while we can is a positive. Truthfully, none of us are ready to say goodbye yet. I know I’m not. As fun-loving and warm-hearted as this special is, I still can’t help but think this was a borderline waste of time. There are only three reasons as to why this holiday special is important to the overarching MCU storyline, or why Disney will stress that you need to watch this before Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. It’s because Cosmo the Spacedog has officially joined the team, their base is now on Knowhere, and Mantis is technically Star-Lord’s sister. This isn’t a spoiler or anything either, as all of this information is given to us pretty early into the special.

There, I just saved you 40 minutes of time. If anything, you should thank me.

The Kevin Bacon inclusion isn’t nearly as funny as they make it out to be, despite it being a majority of the plot. All of the humor coming from it was as predictable as could be. The only thing that was kind of amusing was their reactions when they find out Bacon is an actor and not a freedom fighter. There’s also the humorous callback to the end of the first Guardians coming from Kraglin’s speech to Bacon, saying how Bacon (in Footloose) saved a whole town with dancing, which inspired Quill to save the galaxy with dancing (when he distracted Ronan the Accuser). Also, if you’re watching this for Star-Lord, you may be disappointed. Though Quill being there drives the plot, his role is relatively small, with Rocket and Groot’s roles being even smaller. This is more of a Mantis/Drax spinoff. If you like the humor of these two, then you’ll still get some chuckles out of the experience. Personally, I like both characters, so I didn’t mind that part. They both bounce off each other very well, and it’s always funny when Mantis gets mad at Drax. I just wish with Drax and Mantis being the focus here, and Groot having his own show, we could finally get the Rocket spinoff I’ve wanted for a while. Then again, this is pretty much Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, so everything worked out I suppose.

Also, I enjoyed seeing Yondu one more time, even if it was in animated form.

The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special hits all the beats of a television Christmas special you’d see in the 70s and 80s, complete with two musical numbers that are surprisingly catchy but obvious filler. It may not carry much action or intensity of a Guardians production we’re accustomed to, but it’s still a fun showcase of some of our “B” characters of the franchise. It’s pretty harmless but nothing special either.

It’s not necessarily boring or anything. In fact, it has a handful of entertaining moments. I just can’t say it would be worth watching again after a single viewing, and that’s even if you are in the Christmas mood.