Starring: Wesley Snipes, Woody Harrelson, Jennifer Lopez, Robert Blake, Chris Cooper, and Enrico Colantoni, with a cameo from Vincent Pastore
Grade: B
It’s no White Men Can’t Jump, but it does the trick.
Summary
It’s Christmas in New York, but transit cops and foster brothers John (Snipes) and Charlie Robinson (Harrelson) are at work. Working undercover as a drunk, Charlie goes into the Wall Street subway station and sits on a bench. Two criminals slowly take off his jewelry, as Charlie acts as if he’s barely conscious. Not too far away is John, who’s getting ready to signal the other cops to move in on them. Eventually, the criminals find Charlie’s badge, and they start running, springing everyone into action. John handcuffs one and joins Charlie in the chase for the other, with the chase continuing on the train tracks themselves. As the transit station works on stopping trains for the cops to get through, Captain Donald Patterson (Blake) calls in to ask why they are stopping trains at all. Worker Kowalski (Skipp Sudduth) explains the situation to Patterson, but Patterson insists they send the revenue train from Wall Street anyway stating, “Nothing stops the money train”.
John and Charlie almost get hit by the money train and so does the criminal. Once the train stops, and the armed officers collecting the money for the train gather everything and are about to get on it at the stop, the criminal jumps back onto the platform towards them. Not knowing who the guy is, the armed officers shoot him to death before John and Charlie can explain what’s going on. This creates a standoff between these officers and John and Charlie, and it turns into a fight between them. Afterwards, John and Charlie are called into Patterson’s office, and he accosts them for being responsible for “his” money train arriving 46 minutes late. He sees it as disrespect because the revenue collection for the entire subway system is under his direct command. Charlie asks why he sent the train when he knew they were on the tracks, but Patterson tells him straight-up that he didn’t care about their situation. John pipes in and mentions how this young criminal was shot up unnecessarily by Patterson’s boys, but Patterson sees it as a positive because it tells the world not to fuck with his train. Patterson’s parting words are that he doesn’t like them and to not fuck with him because they will lose. Following their exit, John and Charlie talk about how much they hate Patterson and his obsession with his train. John talks about how bad he wants to take his train from him just to bother him, and Charlie is down, though John knows they can’t because they’re still cops. With this, Charlie explains how he already did and shows him the train figurine he stole from Patterson’s desk.
Charlie walks John back to his apartment, and Charlie is about to leave on account of him having a date. However, John thinks he’s lying and that he’s actually gambling again. Charlie insists he isn’t but asks for money to help buy John’s Christmas present. Well, it turns out John was right. Charlie is indeed gambling again. At a poker game, he runs out of money and tries to put his watch in the pot to make up for it, prompting the others to hang him over the side of a building and saying they will kill him unless John makes up for what he owes. John shows up in a hurry and holds a gun on Mr. Brown (Scott Sowers) and the others with him (Vincent Pastore being one of them). He says he has $300, but Charlie actually owes Brown $15,000, so John jokingly tells them to drop him. When they act like they’re going to, John finally relents. He gives them the $300 and offers the rest in the next couple of days. Thankfully, they agree. Right after, Charlie tells John how he has to an epiphany of sorts regarding gambling and promises he’s done with that life, though John doesn’t believe him. Later, John and Charlie are introduced to the newest member of their team, Officer Grace Santiago (Lopez). Naturally, they are both enamored with her. Soon after, they are on a similar mission as the one in the opening of the film. Only this time around, John is undercover as the drunk and Charlie is watching from afar alongside Grace. As they wait for someone to try and rob John, Grace talks about her decoy experience being six months in the outer boroughs, how she’s happy for this transfer, and that she was told how John and Charlie are the best, which Charlie admits is true. When she mentions she’s from the Bronx, Charlie inquisitively asks if she’s living by herself. She sees what he’s trying to pull and tries to remind him of the job they’re supposed to be doing.
They both see two big bitches try to take the “drunk” John home with them, and Charlie laughs it off, despite John signaling for help while trying to stay in character. Finally, Grace takes it upon herself to go down and act drunk to scare the two off while acting like John is her boyfriend. Once she gets John back in position, she goes back to her post with Charlie. On the other side of the platform, a serial killer (Cooper) goes up to the token booth, sprays gasoline through the opening, and threatens to light the clerk on fire unless he’s given all the money. When she quickly gives him the bag, he lights the booth on fire anyway. Seeing the fire, Charlie tells everyone what’s going on and they all run in different directions. Grace chases the killer while John jumps onto the tracks, almost gets hit by two trains, and goes to the other side to help the woman in the fire. Shooting the glass of the booth and jumping through, John grabs the girl amidst the fire and slams the door to safety, with Charlie helping him put the fire out on her. Grace runs into the serial killer, but she gets her ass kicked before the guy escapes when he sees the other cops. That night, John goes to his usual bar and sees Grace aggressively playing pinball. He brings over some drinks and consoles her over losing the killer, and they start to bond over how they take their jobs a little too seriously. Just then, Charlie joins them and gifts Grace a rose in a beer bottle, and he takes his time to talk with her when John gets some drinks for them. After Grace leaves that night, it’s clear both men are infatuated with her and it’s already starting to divide them. It doesn’t help that John laughs off the fact that Grace didn’t keep the rose Charlie gave her.
Charlie starts to get pissed off with John always having to win and relates it to their mother loving John more than him. This prompts a huge blowup between the two until they are interrupted by a group of criminals trying to rob them at gunpoint. They pull out their guns too, and they all have a standoff. John and Charlie continue to argue though, so they end up pointing their own guns on each other. As they look like they’re about to shoot each other, the other criminals don’t know what to do and run away. Laughing things off, John tells Charlie he will bow out in the race for Grace, which Charlie appreciates. Sometime later, John, Charlie, and Grace are on the money train because the department said they need backup during the holiday season. Officer Dooley (Enrico Colantoni) makes it clear they don’t like John and Charlie, but John insists they didn’t ask for this assignment either. Once Charlie brings up how they beat the shit out of the other cops on their staff, the two groups almost get into it until Grace calms things down. Next, she changes the subject by asking how much they are taking in that night. Apparently, it’s around three to four million dollars, which practically has Charlie salivating. Following this, everyone is alerted to look through the windows at a disturbance, but it turns out to be nothing. Even so, one of the regulars under Dooley gets mad at John for taking his spot, and they get into a huge argument that turns into a fight with all of the officers pretty quickly. Grace even joins in. Of course, this leads to John, Charlie, and now Grace in Patterson’s office.
Though he gets in Grace’s face for a bit, Patterson dismisses her but keeps the other two, explaining that someone stole $25,000 off his train during the shift they were on. He knows Charlie is a gambler and implies they had something to do with it. He wants them to help find it. Just then, they are interrupted by an employee who discreetly relays a message to Patterson. With this, Patterson dismisses the two, so John asks why. Apparently, the money has already been recovered as a collection agent made a full confession. This is enough for Charlie to make a joke about Patterson’s lost money train toy that he stole, so Patterson gets in his face and promises to be there for Charlie’s next fuck-up. When they leave, John admits he thought Charlie stole the money too, but he doesn’t get too mad about it. As they walk, Charlie notices something. On the other side of the pond from them is Wollman Rink. Last night, the repair guys came up a ladder and into the park. With this, John realizes what he’s saying. If you stop the train near the rink, then use the ladder to climb up, you could hypothetically escape with the money because you would disappear into the park. John doesn’t buy it, but Charlie is convinced they can rob the money train of the three to four million. That night, they continue their discussion at the bar and John seems more open to it, especially since they wouldn’t have to deal with Patterson anymore. Coming up with a strategy, Charlie says they need to do it on New Year’s Eve because they have the rate hike on New Year’s Day, so it’s just going to be loaded down with currency. As Charlie gets more excited with the possibility, John calms things down and makes it clear they are not robbing the money train before excusing himself from the table.
John looks outside and finds Grace dancing by herself to the salsa music playing, so he joins in and dances with her. Eventually, they slow dance too and almost kiss until John pulls back once he remembers what he promised Charlie. He pivots and says he should get back inside because he doesn’t want their coworkers talking and such. She’s disappointed but looks like she understands because of how well he approaches it. As he leaves, he sees Charlie bringing over drinks to Grace. The next morning, Charlie shows up in John’s apartment to wake him up, using the keys John hides, and is excited to tell him that he was out all night and into the morning with Grace. He hasn’t even been home yet to shower. When John asks if he kissed her, Charlie falls asleep. After this, John goes to the gym at the department to get a boxing workout in and Grace shows up. Following some back-and-forth between them and a snide comment from John, she challenges him to a boxing match, so they get in the ring. He plays with her at first, but she’s throwing real shots while talking out in the open about how he backed off her because Charlie is crazy about her. When she gives John shit for caring more about his brother than himself and calls Charlie a known fuck-up, John hits her and knocks her down. They both apologize and imply they like each other and should pursue it, prompting Grace to sneak in a quick sucker punch to John’s face. At the end of their shift, John gives Charlie $15,000 in an envelope to pay off Mr. Brown and adds that he wants to meet up with him at the bar the following night. Elated, Charlie thanks him and agrees.
On the subway, some old lady bumps into Charlie and apologizes. When it comes to a stop, Charlie sees a criminal pickpocket some man and handcuffs him before he leaves, giving the guy his wallet back. After talking about how keeping your valuables close to your chest as being optimal, he can’t find the money John gave him. He realizes the old lady pickpocketed him! Sadly, the doors close before he could pursue her. He goes to Mr. Brown’s place and gets the shit kicked out of him as he tries to explain what happened. At the same time, Grace shows up at John’s place and they have sex. Afterwards, Charlie goes to John’s place and sees John in bed with Grace and storms out. John tries to explain himself but to no avail. He also tells John he lost the money too, as he walks away. The next day, everyone’s at one of the subway stops in hopes of trying to catch “The Torch” (the serial killer from earlier), with Grace undercover as the token booth clerk and John being the lookout. Charlie shows up late and he’s mildly drunk from the night before. The Torch recognizes Grace and sees another undercover cop. Pivoting, he pushes some stranger on the tracks as the train shows up, killing the guy. This sends the cops into a frenzy, and John leaves Charlie in charge of lookout, so he can investigate what happened. As this goes on, Torch approaches Grace in her booth, shoots the gasoline at her, and holds the match up. Just before Torch is about to set her ablaze, Charlie sees what’s happening and calls it in. He runs out with his gun and the distraction allows for Grace to fire at the guy, though he ducks. John gets word and runs back over to them.
Charlie and John go in high pursuit but get separated, as Charlie has to save two kids from getting trampled by a horse drawn carriage. Eventually, John catches up to Torch and through their scuffle, John manages to set him on fire before the maniac is nailed by a subway train. Unfortunately, the entire operation is deemed a big enough mess to put Charlie’s job on the line, and Patterson is right there to tell him. He offers Charlie a chance to beg him for help to see if he can pull some strings, but Charlie refuses after Patterson’s insulting demands. So, he fires Charlie. When John tries to defend him and Patterson insults Charlie enough for John to flip out on him, Patterson fires John too and leaves. Finally, this is enough for John to flip out on Charlie for having to save his ass on so many occasions and tells him to get out of his life. Though these brothers are at odds, the circumstances they find themselves in make robbing the money train a real possibility, though this is more on Charlie rather than John.
My Thoughts:
Though we only have two examples, something needs to be said about how good the oddball pairing of Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson was. The way they play off each other is so effortless. Chemistry like this can’t be generated with just any two actors. At first, audiences may have just thought that White Men Can’t Jump was an anomaly that was more of an example of everything connecting like pieces to a puzzle. On the other hand, real fans of both stars know something was there between them that made the experience special. Thankfully, Money Train gave them another chance to team up together, and it firmly proved that Snipes and Harrelson were just a match made in heaven. With just two movies together, I can confidently say I would’ve watched this pairing in any conceivable story scenario imaginable. It wouldn’t have mattered how good the overall production is, with this film being a prime example of this. Our stars are that good that they could have continued doing team-up movies for the foreseeable future and there would have been an audience for it because they are engaging enough talents to carry a movie and elevate the material. Look, no one is saying Money Train is some untouchable masterpiece, but is it an entertaining buddy cop movie to watch on a random weeknight? You bet your sweet ass it is. With just our stars bantering back and forth and constantly trash talking each other, you would think these two are childhood friends the way they co-exist on camera, making them tailor-made to play close but obviously mismatched foster brothers and cops. Watching them navigate through the seedy, crime-filled subway stations of New York City while managing money issues, love, and temptations is just as compelling as it is funny.
When reading the character descriptions of both John and Charlie Robinson going into this production, you can’t help but notice how well the casting was nailed. Woody Harrelson has always had that likable but rough-around-the-edges look to him, and he’s a naturally funny guy. Degenerate Charlie being the brother you have to watch out for because of a serious gambling addiction and because he has a penchant for screwing up his own life lines up with Harrelson’s strengths seamlessly. The reason the viewer can’t turn on him, despite how many times he royally fucks up is because the charismatic Harrelson has always been quite the charmer onscreen no matter how unconventional he looks as a movie star. The always smooth Wesley Snipes plays John, a role fitting for the superstar. John is the more successful of the two brothers because he doesn’t have any known vices, he’s a ladies’ man, and he does everything he can to stay on the right path. The only problem with John, though it’s an endearing quality to have, is that he does everything he can to help his brother and thinks more about him rather than himself. No matter how many times Charlie messes things up by saying or doing the wrong thing, the protective John will be there to clean up his mess. Despite his known faults, he loves his brother for everything he is. He’s not blind to Charlie’s gambling problems, but he can’t sit back and just watch him fall apart, trying his best to help in any way he can. Even though Charlie can’t grasp the concept, John leads by example in hopes to pressure his brother into stopping his habits. Even so, he doesn’t overstep his boundaries by preaching to Charlie, though the viewer can tell he wants to because he’s getting exhausted covering for him. Regardless, John is a true brother, and the audience can’t help but admire him for it, especially because we know there are a handful of times where Charlie is just a recipient of bad luck.
What are the chances an old lady was going to pickpocketed him on the subway the one time he planned on paying off his debts?
When Charlie is held by his ankles over a building by Mr. Brown and his gangsters because he owed them money, John showed up with a gun and threatened everyone. When they kick the shit out of Charlie later in the movie, John shows up to Mr. Brown’s strip club and beats the holy hell out of everyone there including Brown, knowing that it would make him a target too. Hell, even when Grace spars with John in a boxing ring and starts talking shit about Charlie, John punches her in the face in defense. These foster brothers are closer than most siblings, and it’s nice to see a relationship like this being played out onscreen. Now, with most siblings, there are still issues between the two, with the main one being who gets to go after Grace. From a story perspective and to develop the characters even further, making this more of a love triangle between John, Grace, and Charlie would have been very interesting, especially with the brother dynamic thing going on. However, this is only teased once she’s introduced. In reality, Grace is only really interested in John, who initially bows out of the race because Charlie really wants her and knows he doesn’t have a shot if John pursues her as well. As a testament to the film’s realism, Jennifer Lopez’s Grace falls for the better-looking John and he attracts her even more when he tries to push her away. Again, the film plays out the more realistic angle, but I just thought it would have been a lot cooler had Harrelson’s Charlie have somewhat of a chance with Grace at first by attracting her with his unpredictable style and sense of humor, god-awful haircut notwithstanding. A lot of comedy could have come from it, and the wedge between the three could have made for an intriguing side story development as they still attempt to work every day with each other as law enforcement officers in the same operation.
Then again, as fun as this would be from a character development perspective, this was never the movie Money Train was trying to be. Jennifer Lopez as Grace was an added bonus to insert more depth into the movie but intensifying the love angle would have made this an entirely different story. Truth be told, I’d still argue both parts could have been balanced if the writing was pristine, but it wouldn’t be an easy job. Plus, it’s not why the movie was being made. The whole point of Money Train is the heist. The action is what is selling the picture, not the faux love triangle. That’s just a little extra to keep things interesting until we get to the action set pieces. Even with this goal in mind, it does take a considerable amount of time to get there, and a lot of random hurdles that aren’t really resolved or amount to a whole lot of nothing takes us away from what’s supposed to be the focus of the movie. For instance, as much as I liked the cool “brother” moment of John beating up a bunch of gangsters on Charlie’s behalf, this should have raised the stakes immensely, but John is relatively calm afterwards. He’s just mad at Charlie for putting him in the position to have to do that. Even when it’s time to rob the money train, it’s all Charlie’s doing. John is only roped into it because he was trying to stop him but had to join in because they were about to be caught in the subway by the cops unless they started driving away. Obviously, John would look like an accomplice, so he had no choice. No words are needed to explain why his hand was forced. Additionally, it’s very obvious as to why Charlie initiates the whole idea. He owes thousands to bad people, he got fired, he has no savings, etc. It’s pretty simple.
Even so, paranoia needed to be more of a factor. John can still be cool under pressure for the most part, but he can’t just beat the living hell out of Mr. Brown and his crew and not expect immediate retaliation. As much of a badass as he is, John should be freaking out, grabbing Grace, and telling her they need to get out of the city before Brown comes to kill him because it’s not just about Charlie anymore. John’s life is threatened just as well, giving him even more of a reason to relent to the premise of the story instead of him refusing vehemently until he has no choice. If John were to look for Charlie to come with him and Grace to escape the city, despite them being at odds during this timeframe of the movie, he could go back to his own apartment to find the money train toy as a gift like how things played out within the story to signal to John that he’s robbing it. With this bigger role given to the Mr. Brown subplot, this scene would give even more meaning to the moment as the desperation and looming threat of death involving them both brings John more into the chaos alongside his brother. When he finally catches up to Charlie in the train, tighter dialogue about both of their situations could tie up the rest of the loose ends and lead to a more complete finish. Then, Brown could tail Grace’s car into the subway, and it could lead to an even bigger climax where Brown and the gangsters get into a shootout with Patterson’s guys when they were originally chasing Grace. During all the commotion, John, Charlie, and Grace could escape into the night. This way, a major supporting character/subplot in Mr. Brown is given a meatier role to make more sense of the implications of John’s actions that grew bigger than the writer intended. Otherwise, it doesn’t make sense. There’s no way these gangsters are backing off two dipshit foster brothers because one of them happens to know martial arts. With the way things play out as is, the ending is illogical because Brown’s existence should be hanging over their heads. They shouldn’t be joking around with each other. The job isn’t finished yet. They’re still targets.
In addition to this chaotic solution of the third act, this course-corrected finale would also fix’s Grace inclusion a bit more, as her importance to the production seem to tail off considerably in the third act despite being a major contributor to the fallout between our two stars. At the very least, she should’ve been there during the New Year’s celebration in the closing moments since she knew all the details as to what actually happened. Righting the wrong of the Mr. Brown subplot allows for her to be as big of a part of the action as the other two and including the shootout in the subway would’ve been exactly what it all needed. It still comes to the same conclusion but in a much better way.
For the most part, the dialogue was great. I can’t praise the back-and-forth banter between John and Charlie enough. It’s about as close to Will Smith and Martin Lawrence in Bad Boys that you can possibly get and that’s a major compliment. Every exchange they have are well-written and consistently funny while being right in-tune with who they are. Both guys are filled with quips left and right that light up almost every scene that needs it like Charlie insisting that he’s done gambling, so John says he’ll bet him $10 he can’t, prompting Charlie to fire back with, “Make it $20!”. That’s gold, and this type of humor is sprinkled throughout to keep things amusing no matter how intense the action or drama can be. The buddy cop elements carry the movie, along with the action sequences. What brings down Money Train is the mismanaged components of the rest of the screenplay like Grace, Patterson, and so many other ideas being thrown that could be different movies in and of itself. With Grace, they introduce her well and her placement in-between the two makes sense. However, as I said before, she takes a massive backseat in the third act once she is firmly in a relationship with John, which doesn’t make much sense. If anything, her role in the story should increase too, but she’s given nothing to do. Additionally, they just forget what brought her together with John in the first place. Grace is the one who influences John to drop Charlie. Grace is the one who demands that John start thinking about himself rather than his family and does so just so she can be in a relationship with him. Then, when John reveals to her that he knows Charlie is robbing the money train and is going to be in a lot of trouble, she has the audacity to tell John, “Charlie is going down and you are the only family that he’s got!”
What? Yeah, we all know that.
YOU are the one who convinced John to get Charlie out of his life! Now, you’re flipflopping and taking Charlie’s said even though YOU convinced John to take YOUR side on the matter? Who are you bullshitting? This is not a woman being convinced that Charlie is a good guy and realizes that she played a major part in the two brothers having a fallout, regretting her comments from before and wanting John to rectify the mistake so Charlie doesn’t find himself in prison or dead. This would have been great character development that gives Grace some time to evolve her own character and give her a reason to help both men, but that’s not what this moment was. This was purely a writing contradiction that actually makes Grace look like a manipulative liar, who keeps switching to the right side of history for her own benefit. Also, why would John immediately tell Grace that Charlie is robbing the money train? Does he really trust her with that type of secret? They’ve only been together for a few weeks at most. Movie logic and general logic would tell you that John should frantically run out of the room when it clicks in his head that Charlie is robbing the train and scream, “I got to go!” instead of telling his weeks-old cop girlfriend from the Bronx that his brother plans on stealing $500,000. As good as real-life murderer Robert Blake played the antagonist in Donald Patterson, he’s not given a single reason as to why he’s so obsessive over his meaningless job. He’s constantly saying things like, “No one stops the money train” and is incessant on his need for the train to be on time with the money delivered with zero hiccups whatsoever, but there’s no inclination as to why he’s so militant in his approach, why he dislikes John and Charlie, why he’s willing to have innocent human beings die just so his train gets to its stop on time, and why he’s okay with fellow cops even dying if he maintains his streak of doing his job at a high level.
Is there any benefit to his approach other than strengthening a good reputation? Is he up for a massive raise or something? Does he have an obsession with trains? Did he have some kind of issue with people screwing around during his time in the academy which is why he doesn’t like the main characters? I don’t know. There’s no rationale for his weird behavior at all. He’s just a prick who loves his job. That’s not enough of a reason however as to why he’s so willing to put lives at risk. He has to have some sort of objective or reason as to why he goes this far, but none is given. At most, they could have teased an interaction between him and Grace where she spurns his advances and that’s why he takes an issue with her as well, but nothing happens. He’s just a prick to her too because she associates with two other people he dislikes for no logical reason. For how well our stars are written with clearly defined roles and enough depth to make the audience latch onto their relationship, it’s strange how poor the quality goes down from there regarding the rest of the cast. Grace is a huge drop off from them, but she benefits from two thirds of her presentation being done well. On the other hand, Patterson is a one-dimensional villain with no redeeming qualities or details of any kind other than the fact that he’s their boss and is looking for a reason to fire them just because. Lastly, there are a lot of ideas just thrown in here, with each one being used as a subplot with the idea that it could bolster the meat of the story. Instead, it teeters the line of being a little too bloated and loses sight on the main plot such as them redirecting their operation to catch a serial killer, Charlie’s gambling and dealing with gangsters, and the love angle. I’m not saying that all of this shouldn’t have happened because each subplot keeps the movie from being boring since there’s so much at play.
Unfortunately, it’s just not balanced well enough because by the time John beats down Mr. Brown and everyone else during that awesome fight sequence at the strip club, you’re so far removed from the heist that you don’t even remember that this is what it’s all leading to. Thankfully, the excitement surrounding the attempt at robbing the money train was exactly as advertised. The whirlwind of emotions you go throw in that ten to fifteen minutes of anarchy in the train station was fitting of centering the movie around it, and it makes us love our two ill-fitting brothers even more by the time it’s all over.
For the action comedy and buddy cop genres, Money Train hits all the right buttons to entertain from start to finish. It’s not as complete as it has the potential of being, but there’s no way a moviegoer comes out of this regretting turning it on. Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson are just as fantastic as they were a few years prior, the action is thrilling, the humor keeps things light and amusing, and the finish is worth every bit of the buildup.
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