Conan the Destroyer (1984)

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Wilt Chamberlain, Grace Jones, Tracy Walter, Mako, Sven-Ole Thorsen, and André the Giant
Grade: A

Had John Milius directed the screenplay for Conan the Destroyer, there wouldn’t even be a question as to what the best film in the series was.

Summary

Once again as his chronicler and wizard friend Akiro (Mako) narrates, the events take place in the Hyborian Age, between the fall of Atlantis and the rise of the sons of Aryas.

Conan (Schwarzenegger) and his thief friend Malak (Walter) are hanging out in a valley of sorts, with Malak trying on some rings they stole. A group of soldiers appear, and they are flanked by Captain of the Guard Bombaata (Chamberlain). Immediately, Conan and Malak think the merchant they stole from sent this group on his behalf. One by one, each soldier rides by on horseback trying to catch Conan, but he takes them all out with his sword. He even punches a horse. After Malak swallows some gems just in case, he joins the fight too and starts stabbing people. Eventually, they throw a net on Malak and catch him. Conan continues to lay waste to everyone until Queen Taramis (Sarah Douglas) of Shadizar stops everything by riding up to Conan with Bombaata. Conan is aware of who she is, but he says she isn’t his queen. Taramis knows he’s Cimmerian, so he doesn’t have any rulers and doesn’t follow anyone directly on account of being a barbarian. Even so, she offers him a job, though he’s not interested. Knowing that he was praying earlier, she asks Conan what he desires most and puts him under a spell to understand his innermost thoughts. Conan thinks hard and imagines Valeria within the fiery tomb she laid last in Conan the Barbarian. Taramis asks where Valeria is, but he admits she’s sitting beside his god Crom. Valeria is the only thing Conan wants, but he knows Taramis cannot give him this. However, Taramis promises she can bring Valeria back from the dead if Conan helps her. With this, she wakes him up from his trance. He agrees and takes Malak with him to follow Taramis, Bombaata, and their crew. They ride through town and the entire place cheers for them, as Conan is famous now for his exploits.

They run into the camel he punched in Conan the Barbarian, and Conan apologizes to it. However, the camel spits on him, so Conan bops the animal in the head and knocks it down.

They reach Taramis’s kingdom, and Conan is with Taramis to discuss business privately. For starters, they toast a drink to the dreaming god Dagoth. Following this, Taramis lays out the details found in the Scrolls of Skelos. It is written that a woman child born with a certain mark must make a perilous journey to fulfill her destiny. Her niece Princess Jehnna (Olivia d’Abo) has this mark. She wants Conan to take Jehnna on this journey. They don’t know where though. Only Jehnna knows. From the day she was born, she has been prepared for this. There is a key she must find, and it’s a key only she can touch. It’s inside a castle guarded by wizard Thoth-Amon (Pat Roach). Seeing his reaction, Taramis calls Conan out for being scared of magic, but how can she blame him? What good is a sword against sorcery? Even so, Conan says he’ll find a way and asks what the key unlocks. Apparently, it unlocks a treasure, a jeweled horn. Unfortunately, only Jehnna can procure it and lead them to it. When she has it, Conan is to bring her back to Taramis and collect his reward. Just then, they are interrupted by Jehnna’s screams from her bedroom. She woke up because of a nightmare, so Bombaata and Taramis try to calm her down. Taramis has her go back to sleep to get ready for her journey by putting her under a spell. Privately, she talks with Bombaata who doesn’t think they need Conan. However, Taramis stresses that this task of stealing a key is tailor-made for a thief rather than someone like Bombaata. Bombaata is to go with though to ensure her safety and return, as well as to make sure her virginity is intact. She needs to be a virgin when she is returned, so she can be properly sacrificed. Also, when the key is in Jehnna’s hands, she wants Bombaata to kill Conan. The Elite Guard will follow them and strike at the right moment to help him.

Taramis doubles down by saying directly, “Conan must die.”

Later, Conan, Malak, Bombaata, and Jehnna ride off on their horses to start their journey. As Jehnna and Bombaata ride behind them, Jehnna admits privately to Bombaata that she thinks Conan is handsome. Trailing behind them is the Elite Guard. Sometime after, they are in a forest and Jehnna wants to go one way, but Conan doesn’t want to listen. Conan knows they have to follow her because that’s how the journey is supposed to unfold, but Conan says they are facing magic threats. To defeat them, they need someone to combat the magic. Because of this, they go to get Akiro, someone who was huge in helping Conan in the first movie. They find Akiro tied to a wooden post about to be eaten by cannibals, and Conan runs through and slices them all to pieces. As Malak cuts Akiro free, he says the cannibals believed that if they digested him, his magic would be in their blood. In a simple and to the point conversation between the two, Conan says he needs Akiro, and he agrees to help without question. Following this, the group is back riding on their horses through the desert. Conan inquires Jehnna further about the key, but it’s not actually a key. It’s a jewel. It’s the Heart of Ahirman. It can only be worn by Jehnna. After this, they ride through a village and see a woman named Zula (Jones) cornered by several people who are about to attack her while she’s tied to a stake and trying to fight them off. Apparently, she came with a group of bandits to raid their village, and she’s now paying the price for it. The others are dead, and she’s the only one left. Jehnna tells Bombaata to save her, but he is insistent that thieves should be hanged. Jehnna then asks Conan to do something. As a response, Conan rides into the crowd and everyone stops what they are doing including Zula. Next, he uses his sword to cut her free from the stake to allow her to fight freely, and she’s grateful.

On the way out, Conan clonks two guys’ heads together Three Stooges-style.

After this, they leave the village just as Zula starts beating up the villagers threatening her. Then, she spits at them and escapes on a horse. Conan’s group sees her riding towards them, so Bombaata has them wait there. He goes and talks with Zula and tells her to fuck off, but she wants to come with and asks to speak to Conan. He refuses. She feigns riding off but turns right back at Bombaata with her staff, knocking him off his horse. She attempts this a few more times, but he slices her staff into pieces with his sword until she jumps off her horse and onto him. As they wrestle, Conan rides over and stops them. Once she pledges her loyalty to him and offers her life to protect him in case the opportunity were to arise on their journey, Conan smiles and welcomes her onboard. Later, they reach the castle of Thoth-Amon. It holds the key. Inside, Thoth-Amon can see them through the Heart of Ahirman and welcomes their future infiltration. Back outside, Jehnna is down to go right away to the castle, but Conan insists they go in the morning because they need their rest. Once everyone is asleep that night, Thoth-Amon comes outside his castle and shapeshifts into a ghost-like dragon bird, flies over to where the group is sleeping, snatches up Jehnna, and flies back to the castle. Turning back into his normal self, Thoth-Amon places the still-asleep Jehnna in a bed in a closed off room and says to her that she will touch the Heart of Ahirman in the morning. She will be the first to do so in a thousand years. Back at the hideout, Akiro wakes up and notices Jehnna is gone. He wakes the others up to tell them. Using his magic, Akiro is able to deduce that Jehnna has been taken to a castle by “A giant bird. A bird of smoke”. Conan has them all get into the boat to go after her.

Malak implies he should stay and watch the horses, but Conan orders him to come with. On the other side of the coin, Thoth-Amon knows they are coming, but he thinks they are too late.

They get their boat on the inside of this castle but can’t get in the front door. Akiro uses his magic to find out that there is another way inside by going under the palace. Of course, you have to go underwater to get there. So, they all jump in and swim their way to the back entrance. Climbing a massive winding staircase and going deep inside a cave, the group inch closer. Knowing this, Thoth-Amon hides behind a mirror. The group find the room with the Heart of Ahirman. Once Conan enters the doorway, a glass wall comes down and blocks the others from entering the room with him. Bombaata can’t lift the wall, so Akiro tries to use his magic on it. In the meantime, Conan is stuck in the room by himself as curtains raise into the circular room to reveal several red-robed figures. They all step forward and morph into one. Unfortunately, it takes the form of some reptile man-beast donning a cape and it attacks Conan. It starts beating his ass. Eventually, Conan manages to get his sword to take a swipe at this abomination, but it has no effect on him. In fact, it goes right through him. Conan leans back with his sword and breaks the glass to one of the mirrors by accident though, and this seems to have an effect on the animal man. Seeing the gigantic scar on the thing once he does it, Conan starts breaking all the mirrors in the room. The beast attempts a bearhug, but Conan gets out of it and breaks all of the other mirrors to destroy this thing. He leaves two, and he knows Thoth-Amon is behind one of them. He launches his sword through the one he picks, and it stabs the wizard directly in the abdomen. As he shows his dying self, Thoth-Amon goes to the center of the room and puts both hands on the Heart of Ahirman and disintegrates. Jehnna wakes up in her room and calls for Bombaata. Right away, Bombaata uses his weapon to break through the last glass wall to get to her.

This begs the question why he didn’t do that in the first place, but I digress.

As Conan and Bombaata reach Jehnna, the others pull the robe off the spot where the man-beast died. In his place are shards of glass. Conan, Bombaata, and Jehnna join them, and Jehnna grabs the Heart of Ahirman and places it in the bag Bombaata holds. Right after this, Thoth-Amon’s castle starts to self-destruct from the inside out, so the group runs to escape. This time, they can go through the front door to save time. They manage to get to the boat and escape just as the entire kingdom is devoured into the ocean. In the forest, the group is attacked by Taramis’s Elite Guard. Jehnna is almost taken, but the group fends them off. Once Conan kills the last guy, Bombaata takes a swing at Conan, but Jehnna stops Bombaata. Conan asks why he attacked, but Bombaata argues that he thought Conan was going to hurt Jehnna, which makes zero fucking sense since she wasn’t even close to him. Now, Conan is getting suspicious and asks him why Taramis’s soldiers are attacking them, but Bombaata says it wasn’t by her orders. Even so, Conan is onto him.

Though he intends on seeing this mission through to see Valeria once again by securing this jewel-encrusted horn to bring back to Taramis, it will be no easy task if there is a plot against him happening from within along with everyone else trying to stop him at the same time.

My Thoughts:

Vastly different in tone and style from its predecessor, director Richard Fleisher takes Conan the Destroyer down a much different route than what fans are accustomed to. Highlighting the larger-than-life comic book nature of its characters and turning the fantasy elements up even more, the Conan sequel succeeds at bringing in a wider audience with a bit more silliness mixed into the violent nature of the famed barbarian universe. Conan purists may be bothered by its further deviation from its source material, but I land in the other camp. Though John Milius’s direction was significantly better than Fleisher and the gravitas of the original will always hold a special place in my heart, Conan the Destroyer was better. By default, I’d argue it’s the best film in the series.

Being arguably the most head-to-toe jacked he’s ever been for a movie role, Arnold Schwarzenegger really comes into his own as Conan. He’s still no Sylvester Stallone as an actor (that’s right, I’m a Stallone guy), but his performance this go-around is much more akin to the style he perfects over the years to become a worldwide movie star. A great example of this is when he just cuts off the villainous sorcerer mid-speech with “Enough talk!” and does this hilariously slow wind up before throwing a knife at a bad guy’s chest in the most unexpected way possible. It’s that action hero charm stemming from the one-two punch of a kill and a catchphrase that Schwarzenegger made a living off of, and it makes our muscle-bound protagonist better than ever before. Turning Conan into more of a hero, the barbarian is now famous across the lands. His skills are well known and though it’s not mentioned, we have to assume he’s beloved because of his killing of Thulsa Doom. Regardless of his warrior exploits, he’s enlisted for his skills as a thief, as the job is to steal a few things to complete Princess Jehnna’s journey now that she is of age. He’s convinced to do so because Queen Taramis says she can bring back his beloved Valeria. Doing this whole death-defying mission for love helps tone done the (at times) sadistic and brutal nature of Conan and makes him more of a traditional hero compared to how he was in Conan the Barbarian, fitting the friendlier direction of the sequel. Though he comes closer to a He-Man style of hero rather than the savage he used to be, I don’t hate it. When you take the two films into context, Conan being a bit more toned done because he accomplished his lifelong goal of revenge seems like a pretty logical progression for the character. He can still be ruthless against his opponent, but his personality doesn’t have to be nearly as cynical as it used to be.

Plus, he’s a bit of a celebrity in this world now. With this in mind, Conan being a little more likable is a good thing, and had the franchise continued, the continued logical progression would have been more in this direction for the character. The old Conan would have gone back to Shadizar for revenge against Taramis and Bombaata, but he wouldn’t have made it a point to save Jehnna like he did here. This Conan however made it known that this was the objective above all else, and that is the difference. The other two were just obstacles who were going to try to stop him. You can see it in his face when he figures out their plot. He accepts it and rises above it because he knows what the right thing to do is. It’s a Conan who is starting to become worthy of his eventual destiny as a king. Unfortunately, they failed to develop him in other ways like establishing how broken he is on the inside because Valeria’s death still bothers him. Despite this being a major plot point that drives the action of our main character, Conan reveals only a sliver of his true feelings for a few seconds when he’s drunk and Jehnna tries to flirt with him, bringing up how Valeria is his queen. This is entirely a screenplay issue because as great as it is for an adventure/fantasy movie, it misses its opportunity on plenty of occasions to further the character development of our star and to strive for something more than just blockbuster worthy entertainment than young boys will flock to. Then again, I’m not sure if Schwarzenegger would be up for the task to convey these emotions anyway. In his defense, Conan is a Cimmerian, so it’s not like he’d be crying anyway. I’m just saying one deep conversation to express his internal thoughts would have done wonders to build his character. Considering the fact that he’s potentially sacrificing the world to get Valeria back, him explaining what she meant to him, expressing a little bit of emotion, or having SOME dialogue with someone like Akiro that goes deeper than surface level stuff would have made a tremendous difference.

Akiro literally tells Conan that THE WORLD could possibly end with the use of the jeweled horn and Jehnna’s sacrifice, which is all a part of a foretold prophecy, and the unflinching response from Conan is, “Death to the world. Life for Valeria”. That’s pretty insane to sacrifice the entire planet for one woman who he had sex with one time, right? Shouldn’t there be some time dedicated to convince us of Conan’s devotion to her? Even when Akiro straight up says that the prophecy ends in Jehnna’s death, he just says, “We shall see”. You’re telling me Valeria was that important to you? I don’t buy it.

The respect Conan commands in this movie is fitting of the character’s legend too, which I loved. Everyone knows who he is, and Zula goes out of her way to pledge her loyalty to him, so this only furthers this notion that Conan is the guy. Going along with this, I adored the final scene in which Jehnna offers each member of Conan’s team a job in her kingdom. They are all interested in the offer, but each person looks back at Conan to see if he will allow it. They are that loyal to Conan, and respect him for what he’s done, that they all look to him for the nod of approval, despite standing across from a queen. To quote Thulsa Doom, “That is power”. The departing sequence and final epilogue was exciting too, and it really hypes you up for the sequel that never came but of course, “That is another story”. On a minor note, the running gag of Conan punching animals is hilarious to me. I’m glad it continues here, along with his minor back-and-forth with Jehnna like when she wanted to go to Thoth-Amon’s castle immediately. She exclaims “I’m the leader here!”, but his playful response of “Lead in the morning. It will be better”, just so they can get some sleep first was great.

The original film had trouble with its lack of acting experience from the principal cast, but that’s the risk you take when you hire a bodybuilder, a surfer, and a dancer as your three heroes. Instead of trying to change things up, they take the risk again in Conan the Destroyer but this time they succeed, putting together the most eclectic cast you may ever see on film. Behind a much-improved Arnold Schwarzenegger is one of the greatest basketball players that has ever lived, in his only acting role no less, in the imposing Wilt Chamberlain. The novelty of this alone makes Conan the Destroyer special. The character design of Bombaata is so cool, and Chamberlain does well with what is asked of him. He was a natural with that mace of his and watching him choke a bad guy into the air that only accentuates his size onscreen was ridiculously badass. Behind Conan himself, he’s my favorite character of the entire series. From the all-black attire, to the extremely cool name, to the fact that he sleeps standing up for some reason, to a top three basketball legend dead-or-alive playing him, Chamberlain’s Bombaata is a presence that cannot be ignored. Watching him fight alongside Schwarzenegger’s Conan as they take out hundreds of soldiers together before fighting each other in the climactic one-on-one were two all-time moments that I will always cherish as an action hero and NBA fan. Just watch Bombaata once Conan walks into the room to stop Jehnna’s sacrifice. It was on sight as soon as they found each other, and it’s a moment that can never be duplicated. I’m mad Wilt wasn’t in any more movies. Making him an action movie star like Jim Brown would have been awesome. Those fight scenes showed a lot of potential for what Wilt could have been had he pursued it. Also, the irony of having Wilt Chamberlain of all people guard Princess Jehnna’s virginity is hilarious. This had to have been a tongue-in-cheek reference to Chamberlain’s reputation, but if it was unintentional, that honestly just makes it funnier.

Being a wrestling fan as well, this sequel gets even more points for having André the Giant play the Dagoth monster that comes to life in that absolutely bonkers climax of the movie. When everyone in the room realizes they made a grave mistake and have missed their window to avoid catastrophe (following Zula killing a priest with one hell of a spear throw) and that storm accompanies the rise of Dagoth, it’s hard not be freaked the hell out of the sight of the beast that comes alive. Very rarely do you see a scene where the heroes and villains let out a collective “We fucked up” expression at the same time, but it fits here. In hindsight, it’s amusing to think that those random followers thought bringing back this abomination to rule the world would allow for them to rule beside him as a “Thank you” for resurrecting him. We know Akiro is telling the truth when he tries to warn them that they will die because Dagoth’s evil is too great and no one can control him, but it’s even simpler than that. It’s just a giant, unintelligible behemoth that lives to destroy everything. It’s like trying to speak diplomacy with King fucking Kong, and who better to play this resurrected colossus of destruction than André the Giant! Obviously, they couldn’t publicize this casting because André is in costume and you’d never know it was him unless you looked it up, but the thought of a prime André the Giant fighting Arnold Schwarzenegger, right after the screen icon just kicked Wilt Chamberlain’s ass, is too cool for words. This is pop culture awesomeness at its finest! Honestly, they should have just made the Dagoth monster André in some monster makeup just so they could have promoted it that way. An angry André is just as scary as an ancient monster. Just ask Hulk Hogan.

Fellow former pro wrestler Pat Roach does a great job as Thoth-Amon in a wild ass sequence, and the prolific Sven-Ole Thorsen is brought back to play another faceless villain. Honestly, they should have found a way to bring back Ben Davidson in a different role just to say their cast consisted of two professional wrestlers, two bodybuilders, a model, an NBA great, and an NFL great. I don’t think such a thing has ever happened in the history of film. I like that the Conan franchise looks for outside help like this to legitimize and beef up their roster of badasses. The Red Sonja spinoff continues this by bringing back Thorsen and Roach, and even the remake in 2011 added Bob Sapp!

On top of that, model and singer Grace Jones is shockingly good in her first mainstream film role and also looks like a natural playing this unpredictable and loyal warrior who wants to assist the legendary Conan on his journey after he plays a part in helping her escape death. She’s fierce and striking in the role. It was yet another star-making performance that we see unfold before our very eyes. In the midst of her abilities as a female action hero, she even had some moment to display her humor too, which she handled impressively well like her being freaked out by the sight of rats and all the others looking at her like, “Get over it”. This may also be controversial, but I liked her role a lot more than Sandahl Bergman and her contributions to the first movie. In his review, Roger Ebert described Jones as having “rock star charisma” in her performance, and I couldn’t agree more. This supporting cast trumps Conan the Barbarian‘s by far. She also gets my respect for managing to ride a horse in a thong. That can’t be easy. Jones is completely committed to the role of Zula in what could have been another throwaway supporting role used to help Conan like Subotai. Instead, she is a major addition to the team that actually contributes through performance. Look, we all respected Subotai for what he did to help Conan in the first movie, as well as respectfully crying on his behalf at Valeria’s funeral because Conan refuses to cry because of his Cimmerian upbringing, but the character and Gerry Lopez’s performance never made a good enough impression to make an argument for him to be brought back.

Mako’s Akiro makes sense to come back because of Conan’s ironclad argument of them needing a wizard since they are going against another sorcerer is on point. However, the way they went about things to reintroduce him was poorly done. Akiro having to be saved from a group of cannibals who were about to eat him? That was cool, but the conversation between Conan and Akiro following it was eyerolling-ly stupid. These good friends haven’t seen each other since the events of the first movie, and he was one of the two people who was present at Valeria’s funeral. Hell, he played a part in bringing Conan back to life after painting those temporary tattoos on him and conjuring up spirits to help him fight after he was legally dead following his crucifixion. Instead of the two having a small conversation to catch each other up on their lives or one of them asking how the other is doing, Conan just simply tells Akiro he needs him, and Akiro doesn’t even question it or ask for further details. Though I know Akiro probably feels like he owes Conan one because of the cannibal stuff, the two not having one measly conversation to express how happy they are to see each other is just a poor decision from a screenwriting perspective. They could have turned Akiro into a confidant as well as an important member to Conan’s team in their mission, but they waste the opportunity and turn him into an expositional character with nothing important to note. Again, one deep conversation that acknowledged or implied the mental hell Conan has been through after Valeria’s death would have made the world of a difference for the story and character development for both men, but it never gets past surface-level dialogue, which is unfortunate. The screenplay is just riddled with a lot of inconsistencies, missed opportunities, and a lack of explanation that stops it from having a better legacy in a lot of the fans’ and critics’ eyes. For example, why does Taramis insist Conan must die upon completing the mission? She is adamant about this when speaking to Bombaata before he leaves to begin the journey, but it’s never explained as to why it needs to happen.

She doesn’t have history with Conan, nor does he say or do anything that would imply he could be trouble for Taramis. There’s no motivation for her as the villain other than he could possibly get mad at her lies and try to fight her, though I don’t think this is a strong enough reason. Plus, if it was that simple, why wouldn’t she say that? It’s an explanation that could literally be a single sentence, but there is never a reason given. She’s just like “Fuck him. He has to die”, and we just accept it. Bombaata even seems weirded out by her orders. Then, there’s the sequence inside Thoth-Amon’s glass/ice castle. As I said in the summary, when the group is trapped behind a glass mirror, which leaves Conan by himself in the room, they try to lift the mirror. Bombaata is carrying a giant mace with him but doesn’t attempt to use it until after Conan kills the Man-Ape. Why wouldn’t his first instinct be to use the weapon he carries in his hand almost 100% of the time? You could argue that Bombaata had his instructions to kill Conan anyway, so he wasn’t too keen on helping, but the mission wasn’t even halfway done. They still needed him, so it would make no sense for Bombaata to turn on him then. At some point, you can throw logic to the side in the heat of battle, but Bombaata using his mace to break the glass is literally the first thing anyone would think to do in that moment. Considering he finally gets to this conclusion anyway once the fight is over with, this stalling is even more illogical. On top of that, wouldn’t one of the three people with him suggest such an option to him? Did he really not think to use the only weapon he brought? Does that not seem insanely stupid to you? How come Akiro’s magic was useless in the matter of lifting the mirror but just breaking it with a physical object worked easily? How backwards is that? Once they leave, they feed Akiro the additionally dumb line of saying that Thoth-Amon’s kingdom was all an “illusion”.

What? It wasn’t an illusion at all! They were inside the fucking thing, it ran hundreds of stories deep, there was a gigantic winding staircase, an underwater entrance, and they could physically touch all of it! When the castle is devoured by the ocean, it collapses, and almost kills them. If this were an illusion, then NONE OF THIS COULD HAVE HAPPENED! What a moronic line!

Now, as much criticism as Conan the Destroyer gets for being more humorous in tone, it’s a bit blown out of proportion. First of all, Conan the Barbarian took itself way too seriously anyway, so this was the right way to go. Secondly, it’s not that goofy other than the one scene where Conan is drunk and Mako’s campy performance that is so idiotic at times, you can’t tell if he’s doing it intentionally or not like him making weird and comedic noises to act like he’s using his hands for something. Part of the blame goes to Richard Fleisher for not framing Akiro’s attempts at magic in a more careful manner since they could have been momentous in the eyes of the viewer. Sadly, the direction doesn’t match the intensity and seriousness of the actions of its characters outside of Conan and Bombaata. The biggest thing Akiro does is duel with an evil sorcerer as they both use each other’s minds while he stands on the outside of the dragon head statue, but it’s not treated nearly as important as it should be for such a defining moment for the character. Additionally, Tracy Walter’s attempt at being comedic relief Malak was terrible. They feed him some decent lines, but his timing is off, and the delivery isn’t what it needs to be. Him trying to flirt with Zula could have been a solid source of entertainment, but his attempt to make a move by applying that paste on her to stop her infection from spreading came off as creepy rather than amusing. It was a good idea for character actor kings like Walter and Mako to round out the cast, and for their characters to have a fun little friendship, but them being as disappointing as they were from a performance aspect was a surprise since they have the most experience of the cast by far.

Besides this, this sequel is still just as violent as the first movie and some of the imagery involved in the adventure is Rated-R worthy, at least for that time period. The Dagoth monster coming to life and attacking Taramis’s entire palace is legitimately terrifying. The lighting, the storm going on, and the climactic music in the midst of it all was fantastic, and Pat Roach as the freaky Man-Ape monster hybrid is a serious shock to the system that catches you off guard. Once you get used to it, it’s a bit cheesy but still endearing, much like an alien monster from Star Trek: The Original Series.

Regardless, Conan the Destroyer is quite the fantasy film. Once again, the budget for the production and set design is used in all the right places and adds magnificently to the overall presentation. Taramis’s palace in Shadizar was awesome and placing a bunch of peacocks in there was a very cool detail, as was Thoth-Amon’s previously mentioned ice castle. The sets looked like action figure playsets, and it’s a joy to watch these characters navigate through them all. The dragon statue opening and closing, which allowed for the heroes to escape with the horn of Dagoth was stunning, the sorcery, the action sequences, violence, the palaces, the jewels, the mythology, and the end-of-the-world scenario complete with your classic virgin sacrifice gives us a wonderfully entertaining adventure that magnifies the potential of what Conan could be. They even bring back Basil Poledouris banger theme “The Orgy” leading up to the climax to signify this is going to be huge, and if you’re a Conan fan, there is no doubt that the hair on your arms starts to raise in that moment. I also liked the decision to put that glossy look over a few of the scenes involving the treasure. It feels special. There’s a certain aura attached to it that gives out a sense of nostalgia.

Despite many faults that its predecessor didn’t have, Conan the Destroyer surpasses the original movie in overall entertainment value due to its commitment to making this sword-and-sorcery epic the colorful comic book come to life that it always had the potential to be. Supported by a great cast of the most random mix of celebrities and athletes put to film possibly ever, violent action sequences that still satisfy superfans of the legend, a humorous tone that fits the ridiculousness of the story and makes up for the lack of depth, which subsequently results in a more welcoming movie, and a great dedication to imagination within the sets and the story to fully entrench you into the world of Conan, a prime Arnold Schwarzenegger leads us through the strange and bizarre happenings of Hyboria and overcomes the step backwards of Richard Fleischer’s direction to give us a staggering spectacle of creativity, inventiveness, and so much fun. When I look back on the sword-and-sorcery and fantasy genres to discuss the best, Conan the Destroyer is the preeminent example and blueprint on how to do it right, despite being riddled with campiness and certain details that threaten to ruin your experience at times. Again, it may not possess the event-like aura that the first movie has, but there’s so much to like in this sequel that it tips the scales in its favor.

It’s one of those movies that makes you feel like a kid again, capturing your imagination enough to where you have the sudden urge to go out and buy the action figure set if it exists.

Above all else, that is power.