Blade: Trinity (2004)

Starring: Wesley Snipes, Ryan Reynolds, Jessica Biel, Kris Kristofferson, Parker Posey, Triple H, Natasha Lyonne, Patton Oswalt, James Remar, Dominic Purcell, and John Michael Higgins
Grade: B-

Even though the idea was used for comedic purposes, the villains revealing to Hannibal King that they have been experimenting by injecting the vampire gene into dogs and other animals could have turned Blade: Trinity upside down Pet Sematary style if they wanted to. What a missed opportunity that was. It could have been 101 Dalmatians if they were Nazi zombies from Call of Duty!

Actually, scratch that.

Now that I’m saying it out loud, it’s a good thing they didn’t do this.

Summary

In a narration, Hannibal King (Reynolds) talks about the story of Dracula and how some old English guy saves the day in the end with crosses and holy water. According to King however, the movies are full of shit. It all started and ended with Blade (Snipes).

In the Syrian Desert, vampire Danica Tolas (Posey) travels with her team of vampires, which includes her brother Asher (Callum Keith Rennie) and bodyguard Jarko (HHH), in a helicopter to an ancient tomb. Upon getting inside, Danica removes a stone square from the ground, and the ground opens up to an underground area. They travel down, and Danica notices the 4,000-year-old cuneiform carved into the walls. Jarko questions why they are there, so Danica explains this is the cradle of civilization. She thinks Dracula (Purcell) would have been comfortable here, but Asher thinks it’s yet another dead end. One of the team members gets a reading on his device however, and they look over a hole in the ground that just came up by itself. A hand comes out of it, grabs the guy, and cuts off his head. This monstrous version of Dracula ascends from the hole, and the whole group begins to freak out. Danica drops her lantern in the middle of the chaos. In some random city, a warehouse is blown up and several vampires run out. They are being chased by Blade. Using some new weapons, Blade takes several vampires out and contacts his weaponsmith and mentor Abraham Whistler (Kristofferson). Whistler is driving a semi-truck, and he honks his horn when he’s close to the bridge Blade is on. They time it perfectly for Blade to jump off the bridge and land onto the back of the truck, though he falls off of it and onto the hood of a car. Even so, he jumps from the car to the back doors of the truck and jumps inside. He drives his signature black car out of the truck, as it was parked inside. Next, he turns it around and drives through traffic at high speeds due to his nitrous oxide that he had installed. He catches up to two vampires who are on motorcycles. They shoot at his windshield, but Blade doesn’t flinch. He runs over the first guy, and then he hits the next guy with his car, so they land inside. Blade shoots him while he’s in the passenger seat.

The other guy who he initially hit is on the hood, but Blade just shoots through his own windshield to kill that guy. Blade finds the next car and makes him crash. The main guy crawls out of the car, and Blade shoots him as soon as he steps out. The public is around and begin to run.

Blade notes how he staked the guy with silver, so he questions why he isn’t ash. It turns out that he’s not a vampire. He’s just a “familiar” who set him up. He takes out his false fangs to show him. In the distance, Danica is standing by a building and records everything. Just as the man dies, a helicopter spotlight appears on Blade, and the cops show up. Blade is able to escape, but Danica uploads the footage of Blade killing the man to the internet. Blade gets back to his hideout with Whistler, and Whistler is not happy about Blade’s recent recklessness, especially with what happened tonight. He reminds him that killing vampires is clean. They don’t leave evidence behind since they turn to ash. On the other hand, killing humans is messy. He hopes nobody identified him. Moving on, Whistler shows him a new device he made that will act as a new delivery system for his serum. It’s an effervescent inhaler. All he has to do is bite down on the mouthguard, and the delivery happens automatically. He says some friends of his have made it, though Blade laughs at the idea of Whistler having friends. Following this, the news of Blade killing the familiar is everywhere. Witnesses are being questioned on the news about him, and the FBI has identified Blade as a person they need to pursue. At FBI Regional Headquarters, FBI Agent Ray Cumberland (Remar) is watching the news report and going over everything he can find on Blade, including Danica’s video which captured the whole event. Agent Wilson (Michael Anthony Rawlins) interrupts to tell Ray they have a lead. In a high-rise somewhere in the city, Danica goes to her group to ask what the monster has been up to. Asher says he’s just been constantly feeding on whoever is in there with him. He’s been through 5 people so far. They question whether they have enough security, but Danica explains that they didn’t capture him. He allowed them to take him in. Danica decides to go into the room where they are holding him alone.

Changing to a more human form after he is done feeding on his last victim, Dracula or “Drake” as he’s later referred to, tells Danica they shouldn’t have woken him up, but she says they had to and his plight for sacrament can set them free. He chokes her and questions why he should care, but Danica argues that his people need him. Throwing her down, he says they are nothing more than shadows of their former selves. He thinks they have fallen far from where they were at back in the day. Danica points out how times have changed and the humans have a new hunter, Blade. Drake correctly guesses they want him to kill Blade. In the city, Whistler buys a newspaper talking about Blade’s recent murder. Unbeknownst to him, the FBI are watching him and where he’s going. Ray and Wilson are in their car and spot him. On Bentley Tittle Live, forensic psychiatrist and author of The New York Times bestseller Human Health: The Whole Being Breakthrough in Dr. Edgar Vance (Higgins) and Chief of Police Martin Reed (Mark Berry) are on the show with host Bentley (Eric Bogosian), and they are there to take calls from viewers. Bentley asks Reed what he thinks about the rumors going around about vampires. Reed isn’t buying it, saying they would have found them by now if they existed. He says if people want to be concerned, they should be worried about someone like Blade. He refers to Blade as a sociopath who they have been pursuing. Vance calls Blade a troubled individual who is under the impression that there is a vast conspiracy of vampires that live amongst them. All three men laugh. Blade is watching the program and is not laughing at all. Whistler shows up, gives Blade the newspaper, and gives him a faux congratulations for becoming famous. Whistler details how his face is everywhere and the media is eating them alive. Blade doesn’t care, but Whistler says he should because he’s public enemy number one according to the outsiders. Blade sarcastically comments that he didn’t know this was a popularity contest, but Whistler stresses how they’re putting together a PR campaign.

They can’t just worry about vampires. Now, they have to worry about the rest of the world too. Blade thinks he’s worrying too much, but Whistler retorts that this is the reason they are still alive. Still, he hits him with a reality check. He apologizes for getting old on Blade, but foresees Blade being surrounded by enemies. They can’t win this war alone.

Abigail (Biel) walks alone with her grocery bag and a baby strapped to her chest. Some vampires attack her while she waits for her train, but it turns out to be all part of a plan. The baby is actually a doll, and it sprays garlic into one of the vampire’s eyes. Next, Abigail springs into action and takes them all out. Back at the hideout, Whistler feels his ring while he sits in private and Blade meditates. Once he sees Blade up and ready in his armor, Whistler grabs a gun and joins him, asking him what’s going on. Blade says it’s exactly what Whistler was worried about. The FBI storms their place, and Whistler starts open firing. At the same time, he begins shutting down all the computers so they can’t get a hold of his work. He’s shot in his bad leg but is still able to turn off another computer. He reloads and goes back out there. He takes out some more guys but is shot again. Meanwhile, Blade is taking on several at once and taking them all out. Whistler crawls over to the last computer and shuts it off before sitting on the ground. The FBI has guns on him and tells him not to move a finger or he’s dead. As a response, Whistler flips them off, yells at Blade to get out of there, and hits the button of a detonator that blows up the entire building. Blade is surrounded but becomes emotional enough to surrender. After this, he’s interrogated in a room by Ray and Wilson. Wilson lets him know Whistler is dead. Ray asks how many people Blade has killed, guessing around 50. Blade says the exact number is 1,182, though they were all familiars who work with vampires. Naturally, they don’t take him seriously. Vance walks in and states how he’s there to give Blade a psychiatric evaluation. Vance has Ray and Wilson leave, and he sits down with Blade to ask him questions. Blade brushes them off until Vance asks what he knows about vampires. Blade says they exist. When Vance asks if Blade is one of them, he shies away. Next, Vance asks if he gets sexually aroused from drinking blood, as he thinks vampirism has strong connotations of sexual confusion.

Blade doesn’t answer and just looks around the room. Vance asks if he was close to his mother, and Blade nearly jumps at him, making Vance flinch.

Right after, Vance tells the other agents Blade is psychotic, which doesn’t surprise Ray in the slightest. For his safety and the public’s, Vance makes a recommendation to transfer Blade to a psychiatric hospital, but Ray refuses this because Blade is connected to a laundry list of federal crimes. Reed says this is his jurisdiction and chooses Vance’s recommendation over the FBI’s, so Ray and Wilson storm out. After this, Vance loads up a syringe to knock out Blade and notes how Blade is a hybrid, which is why he kicked it up to 2,000 milligrams. As Blade begins to slow down and Vance continues to talk shit to him, Blade realizes Vance is a familiar. Vance confirms and shows him the glyph on his wrist. He’s been a familiar for 5 years. Vance goes in a room and shakes Reed’s hand. It turns out Reed is a familiar too. Just then, Danica and her crew show up and are let into the interrogation room to kill Blade. They begin to unlock his cuffs just as Hannibal King breaks through the window. King kills one of their guys and gives Blade the special inhaler to bring him back up to full speed. Jarko attacks King while Danica and Asher escape. Blade wakes up to full strength and kicks Jarko through a wall. This allows King to run into the hallway. Blade grabs his armor and sunglasses and heads out too. As Blade and King take out attacking guards, Abigail shows up and takes out some too. King refers to her as “Whistler”, as it’s her last name. It gets Blade’s attention, and he follows the two. They get cornered on both ends of the hall by guards and vampires alike, so they use a different hallway as cover. King gives Blade a gun. He uses it for a moment, but he stops once he finds an opening in the ceiling and jumps upwards into it. This pisses off King because this was supposed to be a rescue mission. Abigail uses her modified electric bow to shoot silver arrows off the walls to take out bad guys, and King uses this as his cover to shoot more.

She even shoots one right through a closed door to kill a vampire. King and Abigail run right out the front door but are stopped by incoming cops. Blade breaks out of the window of the building and lands perfectly on the ground. He went back to get his sword. Just then, Dex (Ron Selmour) picks them up while they’re being shot at and they’re able to escape. Jarko chases the truck, but Abigail shoots him in the face with an arrow to stop him. During the drive, they finally explain who they are. Taking in the context clues, Blade realizes Abigail is Whistler’s daughter. They get back to their hideout, and Blade brings up how he thought the vampires killed Whistler’s family. Abigail confirms they did. She was just born later out of wedlock. When she became of age, she tracked Whistler down because she wanted in. She’s been doing it ever since. After King refers to the place as the “Honeycomb Hideout”, Blade asks how they bankroll their operation. King jokes that he dates a lot of older men, but Blade doesn’t have a sense of humor. Next, King introduces Blade to Hedges (Oswalt) and Sommerfield (Lyonne). Sommerfield is the one who built the serum inhaler for him. Sommerfield’s daughter Zoey (Ginger Page) also stays there. With this, King says their group is called “The Nightstalkers”. Blade says it sounds like a rejected name for a Saturday morning cartoon, so King jokingly replies that the Care Bears were taken. Moving on, King tells Blade they operate as sleeper cells. When one team member goes down, someone replaces them to pick up the slack. Dex says they are Blade’s reinforcements, but Blade considers them amateurs. He points out King’s lack of armor and the sticker on his chest that says “Hello, My name is Fuck You” because it’s a joke to him. He questions if they all think this is a joke. King argues they just saved him, but Blade isn’t impressed in the slightest. Abigail interrupts to say Whistler meant for the Nightstalkers to help Blade. Like it or not, they are all Blade has.

Blade questions what they know about vampires, so King shows Blade his glyph above his waist. King used to be one.

Back at Danica’s high-rise, she is flipping out over King being involved. Jarko is there too and finally pulls the arrow out of his eye socket. Danica is furious because they had Blade right there. She kicks some random woman next to her. Danica doesn’t want to hear Asher talk about how he told her so, but Asher gives her shit anyway. He says they got caught with their pants down, but Jarko takes it a step further (“They pretty much fucking ass raped us!”). One girl asks if Drake has been told, and he has. Drake enters the room and is now interested in joining their team. Showing Blade the camera footage of Danica, King reveals he used to date her despite her many red flags and notes “Her fangs are located in her vagina”. He points out Asher and Jarko as well before detailing how he picked up Danica at a bar and was with her for five years. Eventually, Abigail found him and Sommerville cured him. Now, King kills vampires (“And that’s basically turning a frown upside down”). Abigail says they need to pool their resources, but Blade is still not interested in the team idea. Abigail tells Blade “He” has come back. King shows Blade Marvel’s The Tomb of Dracula comic book, but Blade laughs it off. King insists Dracula is real. With a piece of his armor, they were able to extrapolate what he looked like. King pulls up a computer program to show Blade. Apparently, Dracula has gone by many names over the years. The Babylonians worshipped him as “Daygone”. Now, they call him “Drake”. If you believe in the legends, he was born in ancient Sumeria. Nobody knows the specifics of his origin, but they do know he was the first of his kind, the patriarch of hominus nocturna. He was born perfect and has never had to evolve. He was cutting a bloody path through the ages up until when he randomly disappeared. Then, they heard a rumor the vampires were searching for Drake. Some say he’d been sleeping through the ages and that he retreated from a world he’d become disgusted with.

According to their information, they know Danica’s team found Drake in Iraq six months ago.

Meanwhile, Drake walks through the day and night of the city, enters a vampire-themed store, throws one worker through the window and bites the other. Back at the hideout, Blade questions why they would wake up Drake now. This is what Abigail has been trying to figure out. King says the vampires used to talk about some “Vampire Final Solution” when he was among them, but he could never figure out why they would want to destroy their food source. They have always had plans for the human race however, so he knows Drake’s return is part of it. King isn’t liking the odds, noting how they can kill a few hundred every year but there are tens of thousands at large. He thinks they need a new tactic, so Sommerville suggests a biological weapon. For the last year, Sommerville has been working with synthesized DNA in order to create an artificial virus targeted specifically at vampires. They’re calling it “Day Star”. They could wipe them all out in one single move. However, it’s still spotty and they need a better strand of DNA to work with. They need Drake’s blood. Because Dracula is the progenitor of the vampire race, his DNA is still pure. It hasn’t been diluted by a hundred generations of selective mutation. If they get his blood, they can boost Day Star’s viral efficacy to 100%. With this, they walk Blade over to their weaponsmith, Hedges. Hedges shows them an electronic pistol with explosive rounds and a concentrated burst of UV light, along with a superpowered shotgun. King mentions all the incredible functions of the gun and then sarcastically adds, “Of course, it doesn’t have the range of a sword”. As you would expect, Blade doesn’t find this funny either. Hedges interrupts to show Blade the UV Arch. It’s the electrically charged bow Abigail was using earlier. She says it’s half as hot as the sun and cuts through vampires like a knife through butter. King says they’re still trying to separate the fact from fiction regarding Dracula. Shapeshifting is a possibility, though Hedges assures Blade it doesn’t mean a bat or wolf or something.

Another human could be possible though. When he tries to get into details, King asks Hedges if he’s ever been laid. Hedges confirms and makes sure to note that they have been women.

Blade decides to join them, and he heads into the car with King and Abigail. He notices Abigail on her laptop, so King explains that she’s making a playlist because she likes to listen to an MP3 when she hunts. King jokes that he’s more of a David Hasselhoff fan, and Blade just stares at him. The three spend the day finding familiars and beating the shit out of them for answers. Eventually, Blade hangs one upside down above a parking ground and demands to know who his master is. The guy says he doesn’t know who it is but gets a phone call. Blade grabs the phone from him and sees its Vance. With this, he gives the phone back and drops the guy to his death. Afterwards, King tries to mess around with Blade, commenting how he should see somebody to talk about his problems and should consider blinking once in a while. Blade and Abigail stare at King, and he apologizes. The three storm Vance’s office, take out every guard on the way up, and break in to find Vance standing by his desk. However, King sees the real Vance on the ground. The one that is standing is actually Drake, as he shapeshifted. Drake turns back into his regular self and dodges a bullet from Blade. Drake pushes the table at Blade and grabs King, using King as a shield. Drake realizes Blade is the hunter everyone talks about. King tells Blade to shoot him. Drake grabs a silver stake off of King and stabs King with it. Next, he pushes King to the ground and jumps out the window. Blade jumps out the window after him, and the chase goes through the city sidewalks and through several apartment buildings as they jump from one building to another The Bourne Ultimatum style. Eventually, Blade barges into one tenant’s room and he’s told Drake stole her baby. He continues his pursuit and chases him up a flight of stairs, finding Drake on top of a roof holding the baby. He knows Blade’s weakness for humans and threatens to drop the baby off the roof. Blade asks why he killed Vance, and Drake chalks it up to Vance outliving his purpose. After this, Blade asks how he’s able to survive the daylight. Drake explains that he’s one of the more unique vampires, as he’s the first.

Hearing this, Blade realizes this is why they brought Drake back. The vampires believe they can become Daywalkers through Drake. Drake begins to insult humans and questions if they could ever grasp the concept of being immortal, but Blade tells Drake that he’s not immortal. He’s heard hundreds of vampires make the same claim and he’s killed every one of them. Drake humors him but says it will more than likely be the other way around. He throws the baby in the air towards Blade, forcing Blade to catch the baby safely (“Coochie coo”). Once he looks back, Drake is gone.

Yeah, it’s just getting started.

My Thoughts:

In a stark contrast from the first two films in the series, Blade: Trinity does the unexpected and inadvisable. It tries to be less Blade-like, distancing itself from the niche style that made it popular in an effort to become more commercially viable. The presentation is visibly brighter, the cast around Wesley Snipes are bigger names and stars who were hired to expand its box office, the tone is lighter, there’s a lot more humor, and the narrative tries to get bigger by having the famed vampire hunter face off against cinema’s most famous monster in Dracula, while also dealing with the fact that the underground character has now been exposed to the public for the first time. Despite the incorporation of many of these tricks to ensure widespread profitability, it ironically had the opposite effect and became the worst earner and worst reviewed movie of the series. It’s still fun in a lot of ways, but it’s true that it didn’t feel like Blade anymore. Blade: Trinity loses or never tries to maintain its previous identity, a crucial element to the franchise’s success. Instead of bringing back Guillermo del Toro after what he did with Blade II, the decision was made to allow screenwriter David S. Goyer to take over directing duties for the third film following Oliver Hirschbiegel turning down the job to direct a movie about Hitler instead (see Downfall). The decision wasn’t particularly shocking, as Goyer is an avid comic book fan and already wrote Blade and Blade II. Sadly, his vision didn’t align with the previous foundation laid, reaffirming the theory that becoming a larger production doesn’t always equate to success. While the two previous installments were dark, sleek, cool, serious, and very much its own style, Blade: Trinity falls into the expected traps of a mid-2000s action comedy. It’s not bad per say, but when such a strongly specific aesthetic and tone is laid with the first two movies, which is widely known as a major factor in gaining the franchise’s audience in the first place, it’s probably best not to stray too far off the path unless the vision and direction is something truly earth-shattering and is in the hands of a capable and experienced filmmaker.

With Blade: Trinity, it’s clear that this was not the case.

As much as we love ensemble action movies and team-up films filled with movie stars, there still needs to be a fundamental understanding of why the previous Blade movies worked in the manner they did. No matter what happens, the titular superhero needs to be the focus. In effect, it’s just as much of Wesley Snipes’s film as it is Goyer’s. In Blade II, there was still a team aspect to the movie, but there was never a question as to who was in charge. Blade still interacted with the team members and they had their moments, but they were all utilized to prop up Blade’s heroism and helping in showing different sides of him due to the situations they were facing. In Blade: Trinity however, the protagonist’s growth is halted and even regresses in a lot of ways. Instead of aiding the superstar superhero and giving him something different to play off of while giving him more opportunities to give the fans what they came to see, there’s notable disconnect between what is being attempted and what the main actor is allowing to go down. In real life, the story behind the scenes of Blade: Trinity is talked about more than the movie itself, as Snipes’s unprofessionalism has been reported by many. However, the actor’s gripes with the production are vindicated to some degree. Along with him being correct on the director not being right for the job, there were a lot of elements inserted into this third movie that didn’t fit the Blade franchise. The biggest culprit of this criticism is Ryan Reynolds’s performance as Hannibal King. As big of fans as we are of the actor, especially during this timeframe, watching the Blade films in succession practically pinpoint him in particular as a large part of this third movie’s problem. As you would expect, Reynolds brings his Van Wilder shtick to the production as Blade’s major co-star, Hannibal King. For a lot of movies, Reynolds’s onscreen persona works and has given him a hugely successful career and dedicated fanbase to boot.

Nevertheless, his attempt at being Deadpool before Deadpool and trying to steal the picture from under Snipes is quite agitating after seeing the previous installments. We’re not against humor in a Blade picture and a sarcastic and cool co-star is usually welcomed, but this was one of those instances where it became so much, you can see why Snipes was taking an issue with Reynolds’s style. Really, it just wasn’t Blade. Had this been a different movie and characters entirely, it may have been fine. However, this is the third movie in a series starring the titular superhero. You don’t have to confine your personality outright but adhering to the franchise’s tone, rather than standing outside the box as an outsider looking for attention, should be required when you’re inserted this late into the program. This reeked of Reynolds trying to make this about himself in a movie that didn’t even star him. The dry humor and poking fun at the ultra-serious superhero didn’t help either. It undermined, and Blade calling the team out for not taking their job seriously as vampire hunters felt like a real gripe. It felt like Wesley Snipes was still in the mindset of the original movies, but he was the only holding onto this previous vision in contrast to the brand-new cast that was hired. Blade: Trinity gives off the energy that all the new additions of the cast and crew were sold on a different idea for how the movie was going to be presented, and Snipes was the only one who wasn’t made aware of the fact. Blade’s whole persona is a serious, stoic badass who strikes fear into the hearts of vampires everywhere. Placing King in the middle of it all to ruin Blade’s concentration by making fun of his demeanor and approach to vampire-hunting, despite knowing his legacy and how the history of vampire hunting begins and ends with Blade, diminishes the star of the show and what we came to see. It makes him look corny in his own fucking movie when he’s supposed to be “The Chosen One”! No one questioned Blade’s aura in the first two installments of the series because Snipes and the production put the character in places where he can and would succeed.

Here, they deliberately wrote a character that makes fun of Blade’s whole persona, and they pass it off as playful, one-sided banter.

In reality, it came off as an intentional attempt at sabotaging the main character. Reynolds’s sarcastic frat boy antics are funny in a lot of films, but he tries to steal the show in every scene he’s in with his quips and quick retorts. Granted, the production was paying for a big star on the rise at the time, so his screentime was warranted. However, his line-stepping and constant sarcasm intending to lighten up the dark and serious Blade comes off as ironic humor that pokes fun at the entire concept of the movie. The first two films took things seriously, presented the events as alarming and urgent, the characters and the actors playing them were committed to the world-building which added a substantial level of gravitas to the narrative, and the audience responded in kind watching it all unfold. In Blade: Trinity, someone like King doesn’t take any of this seriously and doesn’t even have a moment where he acknowledges the severity of what could happen if they fail, despite previously dating one of the main villains and was even a familiar on the vampire side of things before Abigail saved him. This character’s story is written as a big deal, and he has a huge reason to want to team up with the legendary Blade and take out all vampires for good. Him fucking around, insulting Blade for his whole style, and then questioning why Blade doesn’t like him doesn’t align with the narrative and even lessens its effect due to him refusing to break his shtick for a single solitary second. On paper, the premise is insanely cool. Vampires are gaining serious traction and even have a plan in place to potentially take over the world from humanity. In the meantime, Danica and her vampire group want to become Daywalkers like Blade and they bring back the progenitor of their race back to life in Dracula himself to take Blade out! Yet even with all of this insanely cool stuff in mind, the anticipation never reaches the level of the previous two movies, despite having a better premise than both of them combined. That is a massive problem.

In a terribly awful example of how badly the events of Blade: Trinity were fumbled, there is this world-shattering, terrifying revelation midway through the movie where Blade and Abigail are told by Sommerville that the vampires are working with Diometta Enterprises where they have been buying up all sorts of supplies like tech palm rays, bone marrow growth supplements, genetic sequencing enzymes, and whatever else. Blade and Abigail go together and find Chief Reed outside of the warehouse and demand to know what they are doing with the place (“I can’t tell you. They’ll kill me” – “Kill you? Motherfucker, I will kill you!”). After using Reed’s glyph to get in, they enter to find that the entire building is a blood farming facility with freeze-dried humans in bags. The vampires have evolved enough to realize that hunting humans on a piecemeal basis was too inefficient, and they have come up with a system where they keep the humans alive but brain dead, milking them dry with their technology to get anywhere from 50-100 pints of blood and keeping them stored for as long as they can. They have these processing centers in every major city already, and all the humans captured and put into a chemically induced coma are homeless people that nobody cares about. When Blade says aloud how this was the “Vampire Final Solution” King was referring to, it really is because the idea of this is certifiably insane and one of the most devious things ever depicted in a vampire movie or any horror film for that matter. However, what could have been an all-time moment in the franchise’s history is thoroughly botched with its all-around poor execution. Along with the rest of the movie in general, this scene, which might be the most crucial of the entire film that could make or break it, is lit like a sitcom or a mid-budget action comedy. Its look doesn’t match the gravity of the moment whatsoever. The score doesn’t intensify how devastating this uncovering is, the camera doesn’t capture the magnitude of such an unholy revelation, and Jessica Biel completely undersells how demented it is in seeing millions of homeless people being milked like cows in front of her.

While we’re on the subject, Jessica Biel was part of the problem too. She might have had one facial expression the entire movie and had a shockingly lifeless performance outside of her action sequences and that one scene where she cries in the shower (“I don’t want this for you, Abby”). With Blade himself, it’s kind of his thing, but Biel has no excuse for such a bland showing. Her lines are basic, she doesn’t have chemistry with anyone, and she doesn’t prove in the slightest that she was the only one who could have played the role of Abigail. It’s a shame too because Jessica Biel is usually a positive in a movie. On top of that, Blade should be livid at the sight of this blood farming facility to the point where he’s driven to violence. The real Blade would have destroyed the warehouse in a fit of rage, killed the nurse on duty, and beat Reed to a bloody pulp. After seeing this vile plan firsthand that is easily the worst thing the character has ever encountered in three films and hearing Reed have the audacity to argue that the vampires are going to win and they don’t have a choice but to go along because there is no stopping them now that Dracula has come back, this should have been the moment where Blade has a violent emotional outburst that stretches the limits of the R-rating. Blade simply shooting Reed while Reed runs away and him telling the nurse on hand to shut down the operation before leaving was just letting the air out of the room. First of all, why does he trust this worker to not immediately turn her computers and such back on as soon as Blade and Abigail leave? This doesn’t seem like something Blade would do, considering how cynical and experienced the character is with vampires and anyone who associates with them. Second of all, what about this facility? He’s just going to leave it alone? If he forced the girl to shut everything down, does it work as if someone is pulling the plug at a hospital? Do the hundreds of homeless people there just die, or do they come back alive and wake up in these giant freeze-dried bags and scream in terror?

If he thought they were going to die, why doesn’t he just blow up the entire facility for being an abomination and to put these poor people out of their misery, just so they don’t have to come to terms with what the hell happened to them? Third of all, why does he trust this nurse to not snitch? She has to be a familiar if she works there, so why wouldn’t Blade or Abigail kill her on the spot to ensure she doesn’t let her superiors know what happened? There is a lot here to unpack, but they drop the ball, a recurring theme of Blade: Trinity. Just like that, what could have been the turning point of a lifetime becomes a random moment that comes and goes. It’s a crime how badly such a golden opportunity was blown. It just makes you think how well Guillermo del Toro would have done with this scene in particular because with his vision and handle on horror, a moment like that in particular could have been iconic. Unfortunately, del Toro would have had to fix more than just this scene if he was a part of this production. Not even the atmosphere is done right, another major staple to the previous two movies that this third movie decides to switch up on for whatever reason. The look of the film is vampirish, but it’s not Blade vampirish, if that makes sense. You know how Hollywood tend to give movies that involve the Middle East or Mexico a yellowish tint? Well because they got Dracula from a tomb in Iraq, it seems like they were almost forced to keep this going even when the story left the desert, as the rest of the movie has this goldish look to it. At the same time, most of the movie takes place during the daytime, which is a stark contrast from the previous installments that focused heavily on nighttime action and an aesthetic that consisted of dark blues, grays, and black. Considering how our favorite hero dresses, it was a match made in heaven previously. In Blade: Trinity however, they even change this up too and throw in a bunch of red in Blade’s signature attire to lighten him up in accordance with the direction.

It’s just awkward.

Yes, Blade is the “Daywalker”, but that doesn’t mean a majority of the movie needs to take place on what looks to be a series of hot summer days, especially since the main character wears leather and a long black trench coat. Because of this, there are so many scenes where he looks comically out of place, fueling King even more to point it out. As a result, there are a number of camp elements to Blade: Trinity that should have never been included, as it again undermines everything that happened previously in the first two movies. For example, Drake threatening to throw a baby off a building, Blade saving it, and then finishing the scene by saying “Coochie coo” in his low voice should have never made it past the conceptual stage. The execution of it was way too corny and unfunny for a Blade movie. It’s doesn’t necessarily personify the “Look how they massacred my boy!” quote of Vito Corleone because this would imply the first two Blade movies were perfect, but the quote does parallel the difference between this third movie and its preceding installments. Really, the problem is that Blade is the only serious character in Blade: Trinity, the only one still trying hard to commit to the bit. Had everyone involved committed like the previous movies and the script reflected this, the transition to the third movie would have been a lot easier, especially because this cast is more than capable of taking on dramatic heft. Having all the hero characters look at Blade like he’s this over-the-top superhero and weird prick sticking to his outdated style isn’t funny sans for a couple of jokes (“Somehow, I don’t picture you teaching karate at the local Y”). It just makes him and the movie look bad, doing irreversible damage in the process. It even pokes fun at the fans who enjoyed the previous presentation. Snipes is adhering to what Blade is supposed to be, but nobody else is and they’re making fun of him while he’s trying to make another blockbuster possible. It’s a real slap in the face. Now, this shouldn’t have been a green light for Snipes to act out as he did on set but let it be known that his issues with the movie were warranted.

It also shouldn’t have given Snipes the green light to attempt that slight accent that he tries out here. What was up with that?

Furthermore, an even bigger blunder is Dracula himself. Instead of making him scary like how a visionary director like Guillermo del Toro probably would have preferred and fit much more with the character’s persona since his legacy spans about a hundred years of fiction and is one of the most revered fictional characters of all time, they revert back to the boring modernization of the vampire mythos that the first movie went after, which was hit-or-miss at best. At the same time, they make him more of a hulking warrior brute rather than the terrifying bloodsucker everyone should be freaking out about as soon as he enters a room that he SHOULD be. Basically, Drake doesn’t give off the aura of someone who is supposed to be the Dracula. This take on the character is more of an action movie bad guy rather than someone who possesses the gravitas of someone who is lucky enough to carry on the legacy of Dracula himself. Dominic Purcell is a direct-to-video action star who belongs in direct-to-video films. Despite his size as a man, this version of Dracula or “Drake” rather was a colossal disappointment. This is supposed to be THE vampire, the man that started it all. This film is supposed to depict an ultimate finale battle between the world’s biggest vampire hunter taking on the vampire who changed the world forever in a dream match of epic proportions. Within this universe, this matchup is their Godzilla versus King Kong. Sadly, this is not what we got here at all. The buildup was poor, the casting of Drake was poor, he wasn’t given that much to do, and though the climactic one-on-one fight with Blade that we all came to see was great, it didn’t feel like the battle of the century that it should have been considering the reputation of both characters. Though there are a lot of changes this film would need to meet its expectations, I would argue that going for a traditional Dracula on par with a Bela Lugosi type may have been the cinematic battle that audiences would have clamored for, not an unmotivated red shirt-wearing Blade with “III” on his collar taking on a buzzcut Australian who’s worst crime on camera was attacking two emo fans who run a vampire-themed store.

His outstretched hand grabbing Zoey was a great scene though. We’ll concede that at the least. His departing message to Blade was perplexing, however. Though real fighters respect a worthy adversary, his respectful words fall on deaf ears since the audience is still very aware of the thousands he’s murdered over the course of centuries for no reason.

Triple H was over-the-top in his dog-loving henchman role but fit the comedic energy they were going for. His back-and-forth with Ryan Reynolds was funny (“Hey dickface! You seen my dog?” – “Have you tried the lobby?”). Plus, the professional wrestling connection is appreciated. After Blade hit a vertical suplex on one guy before slicing Reinhardt in half with his sword in Blade II, there did feel like there were some wrestling fans involved behind the scenes. Jarko even hits King with a running powerslam in their big fight to fuel this fire. Though she nearly got lost in the shuffle because of the abundance of new characters introduced, Parker Posey does do a great job as Danica. The weakest part of the Blade franchise has been their development of female characters and the actresses chosen being equally as underwhelming, but Posey is the first one to truly understand the assignment and tunes up her vampiric performance well while allowing for some humor to creep through without having to sacrifice the seriousness of her characterization.

As stated in the previous two reviews, Whistler should not have lasted this long. If anything, the argument as to why it made the most sense for him to die in the first movie was only reaffirmed with his treatment here, with an unceremonious death in the first act that had zero emotional impact on the viewer or Blade himself compared to how it was treated in 1998’s Blade. If he had to stay alive and be a part of the production of this third film though, they should have just let him stay on until the third act. He could have eased the transition for Blade to trust the Nightstalkers and he could have teased his retirement as a way to get Blade to relent and trust his team members. Then, he could have gone down in a blaze of glory in the climax with a final act of defiance and sacrifice in a big shootout by saving Abigail but getting killed in the process to make the situation that much more important for the team as a whole. Blowing him up before he met the rest of the cast or saw how big this mission was going to be and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel that is vampire hunting would have been a full circle moment for the character. To see them treat the character like this after underutilizing him as much as they do throughout the series and bringing him back each time for no discernible reason other than adding the star power of the grizzly Kris Kristofferson, is stupid and actually quite lazy. It was also campy as hell and almost sacrilegious to bring Whistler back yet AGAIN, but only in appearance as Drake shapeshifts as him to attack the Nightstalkers as a surprise. Patton Oswalt being the only legitimate comedian in the cast and not being given an opportunity to do anything funny before being written off seemed like a missed opportunity, and Natasha Lyonne cannot play blind for shit. I just thought she was doing the sunglasses thing like Blade until they showed her reading Braille to her daughter Zoey. Other than that, there was no indication in her acting to signal to the viewer she was blind.

Also, why was she blind? How did this benefit the story in any way?

As much as the depiction of Hannibal King does deserve bashing, his Deadpooling of the torture scene was one of the best of the movie and a great precursor to what the future was holding for Ryan Reynolds. It also should be noted the ridiculous shape the actor is in, though I digress. King joking that the vampire Pomeranian has a bigger dick than Jarko and Jarko kicking him, leading to King saying he was talking to Danica was laugh-inducing. His refusal to reveal to Danica about Blade and the super weapon by quipping, “I can tell you two things. One, your hairdo is ridiculous. Two, I ate a lot of garlic and I just farted, silent but deadly” and his rapid delivery of “It’s a new flavor crystal formula, twice the chocolatey goodness, half the calories. Plus, it helps prevent tooth decay” was classic Reynolds. I just really wish he would have sold the terror of Danica’s threats. She has this genius villain plan to bite him again, just to leave him in a room by himself for days at a time to build up his thirst. Then, she talks about letting Zoey into the room because in this scenario, King would have no choice but to feed on a child. It’s foolproof and flat-out diabolical, and the thought of it should have put King on the verge of tears because how would you react to that? King not saying anything as a response is something, but it should have been a bigger deal from an emotional standpoint. Regardless of this, Reynolds and Posey arguing was amusing, especially when Danica finally has enough of his barrage of sarcastic comments and tells him that it’s not funny anymore (“Itemized colloidal silver. It’s being pumped through the building’s AC, you cock juggling thunder cunt!”).

On a side note, they refer to Day Star as the biological weapon that would kill off all vampires which is why this movie holds weight as the finale, but in Sommerville’s video address, she says Day Star will kill every vampire in the “immediate vicinity” and potentially Blade himself. So, are they saying it won’t kill the entire race of vampires but just the one’s nearby? Which is it? If Day Star only killed the vampires in that building and the neighboring city, this is like 2% of the vampire population at best. Describing it as a virus or biological weapon is overselling it if this is the case, as it’s much more similar to a regular explosive. Then again, if the blast radius is what it was initially described in the second act, then what’s the need for Blade to go back out to hunt in the final minute of the movie? He should be enjoying retirement, right? They literally talk about how this could end it all, but King’s final words in the narration are about how the war will never end. If that’s the case, what the fuck was the point? The lack of clarity is astounding with this film. It’s even exemplified in Drake’s note written for Blade and Abigail on the curtain at the hideout. To make this a big deal, a short and concise warning would do wonders, but Goyer comes up with the janky line of “Immortality will come to such as are fit for it”. The man couldn’t have worded this in a worse possible way if he tried.

Besides this, Abigail’s trait of listening to music while going about her actions has been done a thousand other times by a thousand better characters. This may have been the blandest example of the trope and yet another missed opportunity.

Though Zoey’s delivery of “My friends are coming to kill you” to Drake’s face was better than half of Blade’s quips other than his unintentionally comical repeating of “Use it!” to Abigail, his meeting with Drake for the climactic battle was epic. It’s capping off with Drake asking him if he’s ready to die and Blade responding confidently, “I was born ready motherfucker” was the stuff we came to see. THAT is Blade! That and watching Blade beat down and destroy hundreds of faceless vampire baddies is still just as entertaining as it was in the first movie. The climax was still fantastic, and it was cool seeing Blade at the most vulnerable we have ever seen him due to the sheer power of Drake. The music was fitting albeit strange, and King’s final line to a struggling Danica of “Hang in there, kitten. I’ll get help” was gold. On a side note, why did they find Blade with no shirt on after the climax? He never took it off in the first place.

Though a deep departure from the first two movies and the weakest installment in the trilogy, Blade: Trinity is still an entertaining action film. Despite a notable sacrifice in screentime to the movie’s detriment, Wesley Snipes still holds up the fort as Blade and delivers when it’s time to saddle up and kick some vampire ass. Even with its tone messing with Blade‘s patented style, there are some amusing moments, Parker Posey is a standout as one of the better villains of the series and would have benefitted greatly if there were less characters in general, and it’s just plain fun seeing Blade in a new adventure. There are a lot of fresh ideas and potential avenues that Blade: Trinity makes work in some cases but fails in others. It’s a mixed bag, but it’s still worth watching if you’re a Blade fan. Honestly, if a more experienced director was behind the camera, there’s a chance this could have been the strongest film out of the bunch rather than the weakest. Sadly, the movie was too noticeably mishandled to recover or reach its substantial potential. With all of this being said, it should not have been the nail in the coffin it ended up being. Even with its faults, it’s still a fun superhero movie and yet another intriguing addition to the subgenre of vampire movies.