In the Army Now (1994)

Starring: Pauly Shore, Andy Dick, David Alan Grier, Lori Petty, Esai Morales, Lynn Whitfield, Art LaFleur, Alotta Fagina from Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, and Paul Mooney with a cameo from Brendan Fraser
Grade: A

Pauly Shore’s underrated war flick can be summed up pretty much word for word by his monologue to set up the climax:

“Basically, up until a few months ago, we were all a bunch of minimum wage losers from Glendale, but this event has changed our lives. You know who we owe it to? The Aaaar-my”.

Summary

Slacker best friends Bones Conway (Shore) and Jack Kaufman (Dick) work together at Crazy Boys, a discount electronics store in Glendale, California. As they play war video games on one of the TVs, Jack asks if Bones’s girlfriend Gabriella (Fabiana Udenio) can hook him up with one of her friends. Bones remembers that she does have a new friend she met at the mall named Rosa. Bones ends up dying in the game after Jack tells him to look up, but Bones thought he meant literally and looked at the ceiling before losing. Afterwards, Jack gets nervous because he thinks they should get back to work, but Bones argues that he’s testing out the product. Plus, he’s confident they are close to having their own store. Jack thinks manager Quinn (Peter Spellos) is going to fire him, but Bones says he’s not afraid of him. Just then, they are interrupted by a co-worker who says Quinn is looking for him and Bones is startled by the guy’s sudden appearance. The co-worker also snitched on Bones and told Quinn that he was playing video games. Bones tries to sneak onto the sales floor and starts crawling on the ground when he sees Quinn. Once he turns the corner of the aisle though, he sees Quinn standing above him. Bones grabs a penny from the ground and gives it to Quinn to show him the money he’s saving. Bones then compliments his suit to try and change the subject, but Quinn quickly asks what he said about leaving the sales floor. Bones admits he said not to, but he assures Quinn that he will sell tape decks to the firemen if the place catches fire. Quinn points out how he’s not selling anything, which is why he’s firing Bones. Bones argues that he’s a dedicated “Crazy Boy”, his rent is due, and his mom needs another tummy tuck. Quinn doesn’t want to hear it and starts walking away, leading to Bones grabbing onto his leg and swearing that he can be crazier in accordance with the store (“I can be totally insane! OOOohohooOaaah!”). They are interrupted by a customer who asks for Bones by name, so Quinn allows it. The woman is returning a product, and Bones goes with it and directs her to a large television instead. Quinn watches as Bones attempts to sell her this TV that’s out of her price range.

Bones points out that she can afford it with their $200 rebate, no money down, 10 month deferred, 64-month layaway plan. He then throws in the slogan, “You ask yourself, how could it be, right? Because-a we’re a Crazy Boys!”. He dances around, laughs, and then apologizes because they make them do it. The woman laughs but still isn’t sure, so Bones says that the TV promotes good eyesight and 4/5 optometrists recommend it. With this, she decides to take it, and Bones takes her card to arrange everything for her.

On the walk over, Bones gives a sly glance to Quinn and asks if he’s still a Crazy Boy. Quinn eases up on him and allows Bones to stay on. This actually turns out to be an elaborate ruse, as the female customer is Bones’s girlfriend Gabriella. She waits over in the break room behind the wall of TVs and waves Bones over, so he joins her. Jack sees the two and grabs a camcorder to record them messing around. Privately, Bones thanks Gabriella, and she assures him this is the last time because she has to work too. Bones explains how it was an emergency because he was about to get fired, but Gabriella points out how it’s always an emergency with him and they better take the TV back. He confirms they will and asks for a kiss. Just then, Bones’s co-worker switches the feed on the wall of televisions from the news to the camcorder Jack is holding. Because of this, the entire wall is showing Bones with Gabriella. As Gabriella wants him to be serious and Bones invites her to get naked, Quinn and the entire store full of customers are now watching the two and their conversation. Gabriella says Quinn will catch them, but Bones says he doesn’t care about that “perverted fatso in a JC Penny suit”. This prompts Quinn to yell for Bones. Bones then looks and sees Jack with the camera. He tells Jack to turn it off and tackles him into the wall of TVs, breaking everything. Knowing they’re both fired, Bones can’t even get a word out. He just laughs it off. Following this, Bones and Jack go play mini-golf and Bones questions why they got fired. Jack reminds him they blew up 22 TV sets, but Bones argues that they come with warranties. Even so, Jack apologizes for what happened because he didn’t know Quinn could see him on all the TVs. Bones takes it in stride, as he was sick of begging to keep his job anyway. Moving on, Bones sees the positives and thinks this brings them one step closer to opening their own store. Jack doesn’t see it that way. He sees it as them being one step closer to living in a dumpster.

How are they going to get rent for the store if they don’t have rent for their apartments?

They are interrupted by two military personnel who want to play through since Bones and Jack are wasting time talking. Bones allows it but decides to mess with the one guy when his hat falls off. He pets his buzz cut and starts doing a Jack Nicholson impression from A Few Good Men. At first, they look mad but laugh it off when Bones explains how this impression comes out when he plays golf. The soldier goes to putt, but Bones pets his hair again and immediately apologizes because he couldn’t help himself. He then asks if it’s true that you have to give your life away when joining the Army. They explain how this isn’t the case with them, as they are in the reserves. This piques Bones’s interest. Next, he’s in the recruitment office with Jack getting details. Bones realizes that after basic training, they only owe the Army two weeks a year and one weekend a month and they get paid. On top of it, the Army will throw in $2,500 just for signing up. Officer Richard Day (Glenn Morshower) confirms this as such, so Bones questions why everybody isn’t in the reserves and if people know about this stuff. Day says they do try to advertise, so Bones recalls the slogan “It’s not a job. It’s an adventure”. Day corrects him, as that is the Navy’s slogan. Bones questions if it’s “The few and the proud”, but this is the Marines. Bones brings up “Keep going, going, and gone”, but Jack says this is the Energizer Bunny. Day stops them to point out their slogan, “Be all you can be”. Bones is down to sign on the spot, but Jack stops him to talk in private. He can’t believe Bones is buying into the sales pitch wholeheartedly, but Bones argues that they are the beneficiaries to it all. They get a guaranteed check for 8 years and a special skill. Jack grabs the brochure and reads off one of the skills as “land combat missile op” to which Bones adds “Op-portunities”. Jack goes on to point out “tactical fighter specialist” and how they can’t get combat pay without being in combat, but Bones counters with how reserves aren’t called up unless there is a major conflict. He questions when the last time there was a war and brings up World War II (“20 years ago”).

Jack reminds him of Vietnam and Desert Storm, and Bones messes with him by acting like he hasn’t heard of them.

Moving on, Bones grabs the brochure to read while Jack gets his stuff ready to go to the unemployment office. Bones reads off the jobs out loud and gets locked in on water purification. He is convinced this is the path they need to take. He explains to Jack how his brother is a pool man and how he takes dirty water and makes it clean. He questions how hard it could possibly be, and Jack doesn’t have an answer for him. Bones adds on about how if there is a war, they’re not going to be sent in there with water balloons. Jack eases up a bit, and Bones goes on about the guaranteed paycheck they will get and how they can put it towards their store. He even sweetens the deal by saying Jack will get first billing on the store. With this, Bones and Jack sign up for the Army! Unfortunately, the first thing they have to do is get their haircuts at Fort Sill. Bones tells the army barber that he’s known for his hair and just wants a little bit off the sides. The barber acts like he’s taking Bones’s suggestion seriously only to give him a standard Army buzzcut, leading to Bones yelling aloud when he sees the new ‘do. Afterwards, the two come outside and try to make each other feel better about their looks. Bones thinks he looks like a baked potato, which he does but Jack tells him that he looks macho. Jack is annoyed about the standard issue glasses he was given, but Bones encourages him and says it’s unique and no one has them. Unbeknownst to them, several new recruits behind the two have the same glasses (“They broke the mold when they made you, Jack!”). Eventually, they bus over to camp, and all the soldiers are rushed out. The only two left in the truck are Bones and Jack, as Bones is trying to convince a scared Jack to come out with him. He compares it to Jack’s childhood, and Jack agrees that the man who is yelling is like his dad. However, this only makes Jack realize his childhood sucked. They are both stopped to see Drill Sergeant Ladd (Whitfield). They’re both immediately attracted to her and hop off the bus. As Jack is dragged away by other officers, Ladd yells at Bones for his sunglasses and demands he introduce himself.

After Bones accidentally calls her “sir” and tries to correct himself, she yells at Bones on how to address her. Bones understands but says she doesn’t have to yell because he’s standing right there. Ladd continues to yell while she explains she is not and talks about how she speaks in a way in which everyone can hear so they can learn from each other’s mistakes. Once Bones calmly thanks her for explaining, Ladd makes it known that she’s going to be on his ass and he will obey every order without question. She says “Grunt”, and he does so in a comical way. Now, Ladd knows Bones is the jokester of the recruits and she promises to be on his ass like white on rice. Bones jokes, “Is that a promise?”. This infuriates Ladd who demands 20. Bones thinks she means dollars and looks for his wallet, so she yells at him to get on the ground for pushups. He tries to get her to hold his sunglasses, which she refuses. The next morning, all the recruits are woken up early by Ladd. The only one who doesn’t get up immediately is Bones who sleeps through her whistle. She takes off his blanket but sees his feet on the pillow, as he slept upside down. She then takes the blanket off his face and blows the whistle next to him, and it causes Bones to wake up in a terror, falling to the ground. While they go through drills before the sun is even up, Bones and Jack are coming to the realization that this is hell. Later, Bones has a bazooka over his shoulder and is about to test it out. He is told by an officer that he has it backwards, and Bones misunderstands what he meant. He rolls it to a different side instead of turning the entire weapon around. Ladd walks by and switches it for him and points out the picture on the gun itself to show him how to hold it. She explains how it’s there for soldiers like him and calls it “idiot proof”. As Bones is seen doing more pushups on his own, they are later seen in their formal wear in their barracks, with Ladd instructing them on the importance of the gig line. The shirt line is supposed to be lined up with the belt and the zipper on the pants. Once she corrects one soldier’s pants and she talks about how anyone who screws this part up will have to answer to her, Bones purporsely messes his up. Ladd sees how off Bones’s gig line looks, and he comments how it might need straightening.

She straightens it, and Bones jokingly moans while she does it.

Once she walks away, Jack gestures to Bones to stop messing around. Ladd turns and looks at them both and they stop. The training continues with Ladd yelling at Bones while he tries to do pushups. They also have bayonet training. With them wearing protective gear, Ladd challenges any of the recruits to face her, so Bones volunteers. Jack asks if he’s crazy, and he confirms, calling back to their slogan at Crazy Boys. Ladd picks Bones since he’s the only one volunteering and demands he hit her, but he declines because she’s a girl. He also comments that he loves her and makes kissing noises towards her. She gives him two seconds to hit her and turns her back to him, asking if there are any other volunteers. Bones reluctantly agrees and hits her in the back of the head with the padded stick. Everyone stops, and Bones apologizes. An angry Ladd knocks him to the ground to teach him to never drop his guard. Following this, he’s seen doing more pushups in front of Ladd while the entire group watches. Then, the two are in a hole practicing his grenade throw. She instructs him to drop the pin and throw the grenade. Naturally, Bones does the exact opposite, dropping the grenade and throwing the pin. Ladd throws Bones to safety along with herself right before the grenade explodes. He thanks her for saving his life and says he owes her one, but she corrects him and says that he owes her 50, meaning pushups. Sometime after, basic training is over and Bones and Jack graduate. After the ceremony, Ladd finds them and congratulates them, as she’s proud to see what they have become. With their hair growing back, Bones and Jack head to class and join Unit 341 for water purification. This is where they meet Private Christine Jones (Petty). Jack tries to flirt with Christine during their handshake, and he asks what brought her to water purification. Christine twists his hand and informs him that she wanted infantry. However, since they don’t let women into combat, she says she will have to settle for kicking his ass. Jack still won’t stop flirting, so Christine tells Bones that she’s going to kill Jack. Bones bypasses this and introduces himself to Private Fred Ostroff (Grier). Fred is nice but incredibly anxious, evidenced by a soldier behind him offering him a pencil which causes him to flinch like there was a gun pointed at his face.

Fred tells Bones that he’s going into his final year of dental school, and Bones tells him how great this is. However, Fred explains that this isn’t the case and goes on a rant about how dentists are more feared and loathed than any other profession, including lawyers. Bones argues that it’s not dentists. It’s just the sound of the drill and all the stuff that comes with a cleaning. He makes a big scene while making all the noises of the equipment and such. Bones understands if Fred doesn’t want to talk about it, but Fred says this is good for him because his therapist said he should get it out, as it’s like an emotional enema. His conversations with his therapist led to him joining the Army Reserves because he can be all that he can be “on the weekends”. It could allow for him to face the things in his life that he’s most afraid of. Bones asks what he’s afraid of, and Fred admits it’s damn near everything. With this, Fred offers him some floss and lets him keep it. Class begins, and Sgt. Daniels (Bea Billingslea) is their instructor who talks about the importance of water purification within their military. As he talks about how vital it is to know the equipment inside and out, we see Bones later on dealing with the machine and getting splashed with sludge directly in the face after opening a porthole on the machine. It is said that two soldiers must man the hose at all times and to never lose control of your hose. This is juxtaposed with Jack turning the machine on, and Bones holding the hose with one hand and it spraying everywhere. It causes Bones to lose control, and he falls into a pond. Sometime after, Bones gets their first glass of purified water and wants Jack to try it. He refuses and so does Christine, so they invite Fred to try it. Once he refuses, Daniels takes it upon himself to try it and asks immediately who the leader of the outfit is. They all point to Bones. Shockingly, Daniels says this is the best glass of purified water he’s ever had and congratulates him. He adds that if Bones keeps this up, he will put him up for Private First Class. Bones tells him he couldn’t have done it without the inspirational guidance of his brother, the pool man. Jack, Fred, and Christine just look at him since they were expecting Bones to prop them up.

At a party, Bones is with Gabriella and he waits for her in the nearby bedroom while she’s in the bathroom. He strips down to his underwear and invites her over once she comes out. They start kissing, she comments how good of shape he’s in because of the Army, and he brings up how he hasn’t seen in her 8 weeks and misses her. She brings up how his friends might come into the room to which he replies, “That’d be cool”. Still, she thinks they need to get back to the party and only gives him 2 minutes. He sees this as perfect, giving them time to cuddle afterwards. Unfortunately, the two are immediately interrupted by a phone call (“Somebody better be dead”). On the other end is First Sgt. Brandon T. Williams (LaFleur) with the coded message, “I saw a flock of wild geese migrating south”. Not understanding the message, Bones replies that his “goose” is about to lay a golden egg, so he’s going to have to cruise the south solo. Once he hangs up, Gabriella asks who it was and Bones passes it off as someone who’s into birds. The phone rings again, and an annoyed Bones answers, “Look, you saw the goose, I’m the walrus, and Paul is dead and I’m trying to bury my beak here, so give it a rest!”. Bones and Gabriella hang up the phone together and continue making out, but it rings again. Finally, Bones pops his head out the door and tells Jack to get the phone because “It’s some freak going on about wild geese migrating”. Christine hears this and pulls Bones into the party to ask if they were flying north or south. Bones says it was south, so Christine realizes they have been called into active duty, as this was the coded message they were taught. Bones thinks it’s a mistake, but Christine thinks they’re being called to go to Chad. As Fred panic-calls his mother, Christine tells Jack how Chad is the African country Libya is about to invade, prompting Jack to bring the party to a halt by stopping the music. Christine asks Bones why he thinks she chose water purification, leading to Bones asking if her brother is a pool man. She explains that Chad is in the desert and water purification is the reserve occupation most likely to be called up if there is a desert war.

Since there is a desert war, they’re going, and she couldn’t be more excited. Jack wants to kill Bones at this point, but Bones promises he will get them out of this. The next day, Bones, Jack, Christine, and Fred all go into Officer Peter Hume’s (Mooney) office. They acknowledge their mission in Chad, but Bones and Jack tell Hume they’re close and hold hands, implying they are gay. Seeing this, Hume says they aren’t going to Chad, and Bones and Jack try to hide their smiles while Bones comments how he’s sorry to disappoint him. They are about to leave, but Humes calls their bluff and tells Bones to kiss Jack since he shouldn’t have a problem with it. After some stalling and both being visibly uncomfortable while trying to muster up the courage to kiss, Bones realizes the jig is up. Hilariously defeated, he asks, “Is it hot in Chad?”. It’s off to war!

My Thoughts:

In the Army Now is essentially the B-list version of Stripes. It’s the same concept and contains many of the same story beats. Instead of Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, and John Candy, the 1994 war comedy puts Pauly Shore, Andy Dick, and David Alan Grier in their places. Instead of the two aimless best friends hitting rock bottom in Kentucky, they’re doing it in Glendale, California. Instead of being sent out to Italy, West Germany, and having the finale in Czechoslovakia, Shore and company are sent to African countries such as Chad and Libya. With that being said, is it crazy to say that this was thoroughly entertaining? Maybe it’s because of how much it used to play on cable television back in the day, but the Shore-led vehicle is right next to Son in Law as arguably the comedian’s best. For some, that’s not saying a lot. However, we here at Cinema Loco enjoy “The Weasel”, and there are enough changes in the movie’s familiar narrative and how it’s molded to fit the comedic stylings of its cast to create a fun new story of misfits joining the United States Army.

As we have mentioned in other reviews, military comedies are a favorite subgenre of ours. Placing comedians and comic actors in wartime scenarios and seeing what humor can come out of it is something we don’t get tired of. People always point to Stripes as being the flag-bearer of this type of movie and the argument can be made that it’s the best example of such a comedy, but it’s not the first of its kind and certainly won’t be the last. It was just probably the most successful. Because of its great blueprint however, In the Army Now follows the same outline of Ivan Reitman’s film, but it’s adjusted for the goofier, young adult/teenager crowd who watch television nonstop and love to hang out and mess around with friends without a care in the world. It’s a different type of humor but with the same goals as the Bill Murray and Harold Ramis movie. Instead, it just follows the chaotic duo of Pauly Shore and Andy Dick as best friends Bones Conway and Jack Kaufman, respectively. In hindsight, people look at these two comics and already assume the worst, but this is the problem with looking at movies through this type of negative lens. At the time, casting these two together was nowhere near as crazy as it looks now. Though we don’t want to overstate the man’s popularity, Pauly Shore was a star. Being nationally known when MTV was its apex and getting a movie deal because of his popularity with younger crowds, Shore was one of the more recognizable comedians of that time period. His run may have been on the shorter side, but he had a lot of success and a crop of movies still beloved as cult classics today. Andy Dick might be unemployable today, but the Second City alum was a rising star during the time period due to his work in television on The Ben Stiller Show and NewsRadio. When you throw in In Living Color‘s David Alan Grier, a small role from Paul Mooney and actresses like the popular Lori Petty and Lynn Whitfield (A Thin Line Between Love and Hate), In the Army Now might be looked at as a lesser Stripes, but it’s still very much its own thing. Just as Stripes was classically 1980s, this military comedy is about as 90s as it gets.

From its California-like opening where Shore’s persona thrives in to the idiot humor present in the many popular comedies of that time had, this is a highly entertaining, light-hearted, diverting gem that still brings a smile to my face all these years later.

If the viewer is a fan of the comedic stylings of Pauly Shore, putting him in the military is a genuinely funny idea, so this pitch was probably an easy one. However, let it be known that this is a different character compared to the one they might be used to. Though his speech pattern is still similar, Bones Conway isn’t the dude-speaking, 90s caricature of what Midwesterners think West Coast people look, act, and talk like that Shore usually plays. That type of character, which was an extension of the comic’s onstage persona, was more present in Encino Man, Son in Law, and Class Act. Here, Shore tones it down and is funny, charming, and more so embodies whatever may come to mind as to what a dipshit retail worker from Glendale, California might be. He’s playing video games during his shift, messes around too much, doesn’t take his job seriously but does need it, and has dreams of doing something bigger. He just doesn’t know how to get there, where to start, or has a serious enough ambition to actually take the steps to get there. In this first act, the viewer gets a great idea as to who Bones is to his core. He is a positive person and talks a big game, which is why he’s able to lead his best friend Jack into so many directions. Bones may not be a great salesman of electronics, but he does have a barebones skeleton of great sales tactics and leadership skills seen in just his interactions with Jack and how he’s able to convince his girlfriend Gabriella to take time out of her day to save his job once again. It’s because he’s a lovable guy, and they can’t help but smile at his antics and contagious energy. It’s the same reason why Quinn was that close to firing him but laughs things off when Bones breaks him down with some humor after selling a television right in front of him. The movie is placed on the back of this fun-loving spirit, as he becomes convinced in seemingly minutes that the Army is what him and Jack need.

In a weird way, you can actually see where he’s coming from too, despite everyone and their mothers knowing he did little to no research before coming to this conclusion. In Stripes, John Winger comes to the Army conclusion because he literally has nothing else going on in his life. He needs regiment. He’s out of shape, he quit his job and he lost his girlfriend in one day. With In the Army Now, Bones and Jack also lose their jobs, but they didn’t just give up like John did. Granted, Bones hated working there anyway and already scammed Quinn before with the fake sales routine that he enlisted Gabriella to help with, but he was fired because they broke all those TVs in the very funny opening scene. Shore’s laugh in particular makes it that much funnier. Once everything is destroyed and Bones just looks up at Quinn, his expression and uncontrollable laughter is guaranteed to make you smile along with him. He doesn’t even try to argue or explain himself. He just starts laughing as if to say, “Oh, yeah. We’re fired”. It gets me every time. Regardless, Bones isn’t even mad afterwards. He just looks at it like it was something that had to happen, so they can make their store become a reality. It’s not until Jack reminds Bones that they don’t have enough money for such a business venture where the wheels begin turning. This leads to the conversation about joining the Army after a chance encounter on a mini-golf course, and Bones being convinced that day that they could essentially just use the military for free money. All they have to do is get through basic training. If they pick something nonviolent like water purification, Bones has the idea in his head that there’s no way they would be called in for active duty, which is why this might be a certifiably easy way into getting extra cash while walking out with a special skill. Again, how the film leads these naive and average Californian slackers to the Army recruitment office and how easily convinced they are getting one-up on the military is absolutely something these principal characters would fall for.

You can see why they see it from this perspective to the point where it’s hard to argue with their mindset.

The point is that there are some key differences from Stripes that In the Army Now doesn’t get credit for. Yes, it’s definitely similar, but it’s not a retread. Critics just see two comic actors joining the military and goofing around while doing so, and they just automatically pass it off as copy, like how any space adventure movie gets unfairly called a Star Wars ripoff. Bones is a completely different person from John Winger, and Jack is very different from Russell Ziskey. Though the movie is centered on two male best friends, one is positioned more as a leader in their friendship and within the Army, they do have their issues with authoritative figures before winning them over, and the movies themselves both have explosive finales, that’s it. Stripes‘ John Winger is much smarter than In the Army Now‘s Bones Coneway naturally and had a rebellious spirit that gets him into a fist fight with Sgt. Hulka at one point. He’s practically angry that the Army is treating him like the Army would. On the flip side, Bones likes Drill Sgt. Ladd and messes with her by being nice and flirting with her, and though he does cause trouble with Williams and even Sgt. Stern, it’s playful and innocent, which is why they become more annoyed with Bones rather than outright wanting his ass on a platter like they did with John in Stripes. When Williams gives Bones and his crew the assignment of resupplying the US Forward Peacekeeping Base somewhere in the desert, Bones wears his confusion on his face and questions if Williams is sure he wants to send them because they are just water boys. Once Williams reminds them that they are soldiers and will be a credit to the US Army, it’s a confidence booster for them. In comparison, John and Russell wouldn’t need a confidence boost in the slightest. If anything, they would rally the group behind them and go in completely over their heads. Russell Ziskey talks some trash and was down to clown alongside John, but In the Army Now‘s Jack doesn’t go out of his way to joke or insult others because it’s funny and he wants to stir the pot. That was all Russell.

Jack tries to fall in line and only works on his chemistry within his unit. To be fair, they do both have their blowups on their best friend (“All I’ve ever done was listen to you! Look where it’s taken me! Look! We’re in the middle of some African hellhole under a flesh frying sun with a sky filled full of vultures ready to pluck out my eyeballs!”), but at the first sign of danger, Russell doesn’t want to do it but is prepared once his back is against the wall. When Jack gets shot at the first time, he literally pulls out a white flag to surrender until Fred stops him. Furthermore, Jack’s flirting tactics are nowhere near the carefree and confident Russell’s, which is what leads to Jack getting pissed off at Bones for pulling Christine without even trying. In what should have been a bigger moment in the overall story, Jack has a jealous outburst on Bones since Jack was trying with Christine from the first minute that he knew her but failed. Apparently, Bones did this to Jack previously with Gabriella, some girl in the third grade, and “that girl in Palm Springs that turned out to be a guy. I saw that thing first!”. This is the only detail that they missed out on in terms of further character and plot development. It’s clear that Jack has a lot of bent up frustrations with Bones that need to be resolved. However, it’s just forgotten about after this scene. He just goes off on his jealous rage in front of the group, but then essentially throws it all to the side because Bones saved them and killed a snake for them to eat. It just seemed too weak of a resolution between these two lifelong friends for it to not be a deeper conversation or turning point in their friendship. It should have led to something bigger. Then again, giving Andy Dick too much screen time is always a risk. Maybe this was just enough.

It goes without saying that Fabiana Udenio is a bright spot early on in the movie, but it was a great narrative decision to remove her subplot to allow for Lori Petty’s Christine Jones to flourish. When the viewer is first introduced to her character in the water purification class, it’s like they were going with a comedic take on Vasquez from Aliens mixed with Cyndi Lauper. However, she grows into something entirely different as time progresses. She’s a great personality for the guys to play off of, maintains the toughness that the group needs, and she’s the only person that listened in the class evidently (“We have 2 canteens between us. We’re gonna fill up the sleeves of our jackets with water and then we’ll have more water… Am I the only person who paid attention in survival class?”). Her natural attraction to Bones becomes one of the best parts of the second act too. At first, it’s just excitement after Bones leads them to an oasis and she kisses him. However, after he beats the snake to death, and they cook it and camp out that night, she makes it known it was on purpose, kissing Bones again after talking about how she thought they were going to die until he pulled them through, leading to a shocked Bones to pause before saying, “That was uh… pretty exceptional”. In classic Bones fashion, he takes it a step further and asks what she will do if he gets them rescued, half-joking but half-serious. Not caring that Jack and Fred are sitting there with him, she talks about having the freakiest sex with him that he could possibly imagine. It’s also again highlighted in the jail scene where Bones is chipping away at the bars with a knife and she can’t sleep, so she goes over to talk to him. In just this small interaction, the viewer finally gets insight into her mindset where she talks about the excitement surrounding how they might be tortured or killed in the morning, how they don’t know what’s going to happen, and how it’s the coolest thing in the world. She lives for this level of anticipation because there’s nothing like it. Bones calls her weird, noting how most girls aren’t into that sort of thing. It undercuts her excitement momentarily and she comments how most men say that about her.

You actually feel for her in the moment until Bones brings her back up again by saying that he likes this about her. She just lights up like a Christmas tree. His cheering her up with two more kisses right after makes you want to root for this future couple, which is funny because it wouldn’t even be a thought in your head 20 minutes prior. Rounding out the cast is the aforementioned David Alan Grier. Though I have never found him particularly funny, he is convincing as the fearful-of-everything Fred. His entire characterization leading to the one gag where he thinks there is a scorpion on his back, Bones helping him get over his fears by yelling that he’s imagining it, Fred being cured of his phobias in the moment, and Bones actually seeing a massive scorpion on his back and knocking it off without telling him because he knows it would just make Fred revert to his old ways after being proven right was a great moment. It also furthered Bones’s character development as the leader of the group. Even though he can be an idiot at times as evidenced by how long it took him to see the camouflaged Scud missile base, there is a quality to Shore’s performance that makes him come off believably as the leader of this ragtag foursome, even when he’s making bad decisions. It’s seen in funny moments like Bones showcasing how he has the “best sense of direction of anyone you know” before having them walk in a complete circle and somehow reaching their truck again. In his defense, Jack can talk all that shit that he wants about how Bones being a poor leader, but things could have been a hell of a lot different had Jack mentioned that his fucking watch had the phases of the moon on it and a compass (“We’ve been stuck in the desert for 3 days and you’re telling me this watch has a compass?”). I loved how Bones just minorly criticizes him and adds “Oh Jack. You’re gonna get some nuggies later. I’m just gonna pound you like this!” before adding the watch, the $55, and the truck to get the camel from the random Arab guy. As frustrating as someone like Jack can be at times, he’s written like this to allow for Bones to prove his value as an unconventional military leader.

He employs sales tactics learned in retail to buy a camel after the second truck dies (“You may ask, how could that be such a deal? Because we’re crazy boys! We’re giving it away!”). More importantly, he makes things work by appealing to each of his team members’ sensibilities without having to fight anyone over it. He just befriends them, inspires them, and motivates them with his positive outlook. His rank might technically be Private First Class, and he may have only gotten the position because his brother was a pool man, but he’s the captain of this crew. It’s why instead of angrily flipping out on Jack for stripping in the desert because of a mirage making him think he ran into an oasis, he calmly walks over in private, pours water from their canteen in Jack’s mouth, and inspires his lowly best friend by talking about how they can get out of there and go back to Glendale to start their store or he “can lie there butt naked and crust away, leaving your skull to be found by a young Arabic prince that’s gonna use it for an ash tray”.

In the Army Now isn’t asking the audience for very much. It’s just popcorn entertainment, and they do a great job of maintaining this mindset throughout, as evidenced by gags like Bones assuring Jack that vultures only show up when someone is about to die, only for a vulture to show up right after he says it.

Though some scenes like the group bonding in the tent and singing “John Jingelheimer Schmidt” might not be the funniest moment in the world, it’s part of the light-hearted entertainment to showcase how someone like the innocent Bones is trying to turn the Army into a camp-like atmosphere for his friends. It does backfire with Sgt. Stern, as Stern gets in on the camp antics by hazing the water purification unit because of Bones getting the better of him in their first exchange (“You guys want some water because you’re looking a little bit crispy”). Still, they can’t keep him down no matter how hard they try. It’s the energy Bones tries to insert into water purification. It’s infectious, and Shore has an infectious energy as the protagonist. Shore even makes the stupid gags work because his persona fits the dumb fun the screenplay is having. For instance, Bones doing a contrived joke like pulling the pin from a grenade and throwing the pin instead works for a “Pauly Shore” character and still gets a laugh. The same could be said for him firing the rocket launcher in the wrong direction at the worst possible time, getting stuck peeling potatoes as punishment and losing count 6,000+ in, and not being able to figure out how to pitch a tent and stabbing the pole through the top accidentally (“It’s a sunroof!”). It’s a different type of humor that fits his onscreen persona because a protagonist like Bones is a lovable idiot, and very few play this type of role as effectively and believably as Pauly Shore. This may sound crazy to those that don’t like his brand of comedy, but the simple fact that audiences actually think this is who Shore is in real life shows you how good of a comedic performance it is. What doesn’t make sense is the vitriol critics seem to have for the man. For what the movie is asking of him in making a 90s style Stripes for the 90s generation of idiots, slackers, and the unemployed, he excels. Bones being a step slow upon getting to Chad, and Art LaFleur’s 1st Sgt. character going on his nonsensical tough guy speech with metaphors and Bones and Jack being confused by it was really funny, especially with how Bones’s personality can’t help but bleed through when people are yelling in his face. Part of it is Bones trying to be funny to win over his superiors that have no interest in paling around. Other times, he is responding legitimately, but it sounds like he’s joking.

For example, Williams hears them talking and asks if his words have fallen on deaf ears. Instead of lying, Bones admits, “Yes, drill sergeant” before realizing that this wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He then corrects himself to say, “I mean no, drill sergeant!”. When Williams explains how he’s the 1st sergeant rather than the drill, Bones does try to joke with him because as he’s established in the first act on the mini-golf course, he can’t help himself (“Well, I wish you were my first, sergeant, but I already had a couple ones already”). The follow up of Bones having to do 126 pushups on the spot and Williams comically guessing in just his first interaction with Bones that he had to do a lot of pushups previously was gold. What is cool about the main character is how he evolves without losing his heart. He shapes up enough for Army standards, but he still can’t help but be Bones Conway and all the goofiness and positivity that comes with being Bones Conway. During the unit’s first night in Chad, he gets a letter that Gabriella left him for some guy in Milan. Jack tries to make Bones feel better by pointing out how she’s a horrible speller and spelled “loser” with two S’s and that “immatureish” isn’t a word, but Bones moves on and mentions how he’s too shallow to stay down for long. When the unit is under fire in Libya, and the “Glendale Water Boys” as Bones puts it are forced to stay near the base to paint it with a laser for an incoming airstrike, Bones keeps things light as the leader and tells Jack how he wished they had cooler codenames than the ones that Williams gave them for the radio calls. When Williams asks him what he said because he heard bits and pieces, Bones tells him the codenames suck and hilariously asks Williams if he can call him “General Sweetpants”, prompting Williams to remind him who he’s talking to. Since they’re already doing the mission with no real combat experience and are doing him a favor, Bones just tells Jack that Williams has no sense of humor. Seriously, there’s a lot of fun to be had with the protagonist that needs a second look.

Esai Morales was better here than he ever was in Mission: Impossible. His ego having trouble with Bones’s accidental meddling but innocent personality was a funny dynamic, especially in their first interaction when Bones goes on his speech on why they should be friends since they’re still on the same side while spouting nonsense like “Would America have won the Civil War if Benjamin Franklin did not get along with Eleanor Roosevelt?”. Bones ducking Stern throwing the food tray at him and it landing on an officer, and Stern getting potato duty led to probably the best line of the movie when Bones comically tells him, “I happen to know, on this base, there’s not one unpeeled potato”. Even Jack hit Bones to try and get him to stop messing with the angry Stern. However, that’s Bones, and watching him make this place his playground is a joy to see unfold. Additionally, his and Stern’s working relationship evolving over time due to the circumstances of what they face was an entertaining development that led to some of the best scenes in the movie, such as their reconnection in the Libyan jail cell where Bones and Christine have to lead the escape in the middle of the night because of Stern being wounded and getting increasingly delirious as time moves on due to the combination of a loss of blood and morphine (“Daddy, why can’t I go to ballet class? Teacher says I’m a natural”).

It’s a great scene that gives the viewer a real perspective on how ridiculously fun this movie is. At this moment in time, a soldier Pauly Shore is in a Libyan prison as a POW and has to take on a recon mission by escaping the prison before the base they are on launches off some chemical weapons at a nearby US base.

Guys, how can you not be in high spirits seeing something like that?

In the Army Now is also a solid action comedy in general. The jail escape was great and complimented by an amusing POV shot of the camera looking up at the group when the bombing occurs, the dune buggy riding was fun, and Bones fires the viewer up, as well his teammates when Williams gives them the mission the Special Forces were supposed to carry out since they are the only nearby assets on the ground. They don’t really have a choice since they are members of the US Army, and their lack of experience is well known by Williams and Bones. Still, Williams knows they can do it, despite this. There is an understated trust between him and Bones, which is probably why Bones feels comfortable messing with him and talking back respectfully. Still, Bones is apprehensive and understandably so. After all, they are being tasked with painting a Scud missile base with the laser target detonator and holding position there until the Air Force can airstrike it. However, this is when Bones hones in on his natural leadership skills just as John Winger did in Stripes, giving them a rally speech that is inspiring and appealing for their respective characters AND amusing enough that you want to follow him into battle (“And Jack my friend, you are a complete screwup, but now look at you. You’re still a screwup, but if you did this and you survive, you would have stuff to tell your little screwup grandkids”). It sets up a climax that encompasses the film as a whole. It’s believable considering the talents of the group, how they have evolved individually and as a team, it’s easier to buy into as a possible plan of action compared to the polarizing climax of Stripes. All the while, Shore still maintains the humor and lighthearted tone of the movie despite being shot at by about 60 pissed off Libyans.

They are the few, they are the proud, and they are the water boys!

It may not be as great as Stripes, but In the Army Now does a great job with what it has and is arguably the best movie coming out of the camp consisting of similar titles such as Delta Farce, Ernest Goes to the Army, and McHale’s Navy. Really, it’s more in the discussion of the tier above it with movies like Sgt. Bilko, Buck Privates, and The Three Stooges’ Boobs in Arms. Despite a murky reputation, this war comedy is a delightful vehicle for its star, it maintains a great comedic pace, gives viewers a unique new spin on the subgenre, the action is better than expected, its unexpectedly charming, and it’s totally 90s, which is yet another great compliment. In the Army Now deserves a second look by many because it deserves much more fanfare than it gets. I’ll die on that hill.