Horse Feathers (1932)

Starring: The Marx Brothers (Groucho, Chico, Harpo, and Zeppo)
Grade: Classic

If you’re questioning the title of the film, the term “Horse Feathers” is a slang term for nonsense. Who could better represent such a term to its fullest extent than the Marx Brothers?

Summary

In a ceremony of sorts, the President of Huxley College (Reginald Barlow) announces he will be retiring. With this, he introduces his replacement, Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff (Groucho). As they clap for Wagstaff, he’s finishing up shaving. Getting up and going over to the front of the room next to the President, Wagstaff has him hold up his coat so he can put it on easier. The President tells him there is no smoking, but Wagstaff is quick to respond, “That’s what you say”. After refusing another request to stop smoking, Wagstaff makes his speech and rambles about the shape the college is in, how he didn’t do so well at the previous college he was the head of, 1776, and how he came to this college to get his son Frank (Zeppo) out of it. He scans the room of students to see his son and spots student Connie Bailey (Thelma Todd) in the crowd. He tells her to stand up so he can “see the sun (son) rise”, and Frank is there, as he had her sitting on his lap. Frank greets his father Wagstaff from his seat. The President interrupts Wagstaff to tell him the students would appreciate a brief outline of their future. Wagstaff acts like he can’t hear him and has him repeat it. After Wagstaff tells the President that he just said that, Wagstaff points this out as part of the problem. The place is all talk. Wagstaff suggests he go home to his wife before correcting himself and saying he will go to his wife instead. Offended, the President starts to bring up how Wagstaff has finally stepped into his shoes but before he can finish his statement, Wagstaff comments how if he is in his shoes, the least he can do is have them cleaned. The President bypasses this and mentions how the board of trustees on stage with them have some suggestions they’d like to submit to him. Uncaring, Wagstaff makes it clear he doesn’t want to hear it singing, “I’m Against it“. During the song, everyone joins in at some point.

Despite Wagstaff sitting in the lap of several members of the board of trustees and even pulling on their beards to anger them, they all congratulate him when it’s over.

Following this, the crowd disperses and Wagstaff tells the board he will see them at the barbershop. Frank comes over from his seat to congratulate Wagstaff, but Wagstaff says Frank is a disgrace to their family name. He knows Frank has been fooling around with a college widow, adding there’s no surprise why Frank has been in college for 12 years. Wagstaff considers it better that he went to 3 colleges in 12 years and fooled around with 3 college widows. Frank doesn’t think there is anything wrong with it, but Wagstaff is done with the conversation. He requests the girl’s name and address, telling Frank they will get in touch with him if anything is wrong. Frank goes to leave, but Wagstaff has him stop and goes on about how the college has failed him. Frank says Huxley has had a new college president every year since 1888, the year they won their last football game. Frank thinks a college needs something other than a good education. They need a good football team and players. Intrigued, Wagstaff questions where he would find good football players, so Frank tells him about the speakeasy downtown on 42 Elm Street. Apparently, two of the greatest football players in the country hang out there. Still, Frank knows Wagstaff can’t go there as the president because it would be unethical for a college to buy its football players. Man, would he be shocked now to see the state of college sports. Anyway, Wagstaff considers taking Frank along with him but changes his mind. Frank asks, “Anything further, father?”. Wagstaff thinks it’s “Anything father, further” before calling Frank a disappointment for a child. Wagstaff sings a portion of “I’m Against It” and skips out of the room. At the speakeasy on Elm Street, gangster Jennings (David Landau) comes up with a proposal for the great football players that are MacHardie (Nat Pendleton) and Mullen (James Pierce). They will be entered as regular students at Darwin University and play in the Thanksgiving game against Huxley. They have a fix already put in place to make it happen. He gives them some money to start things off and says the rest will be given after the game.

Jennings is confident Huxley doesn’t have a shot with those two playing for Darwin. They toast with a drink and head out. Once they leave, doorman Ed calls for Baravelli (Chico), but Baravelli is in the back room taking a phone call from a customer.

They order one quarter of scotch and one quarter of rye. He pulls out the two empty bottles, puts a funnel in them, and pours the same alcohol into both bottles. Finally, he hears Ed call him over, so he goes out to see what he wants. Ed wants Baravelli to watch the door but to not let anyone in without the password “Swordfish”. Upon filling in, Wagstaff shows up at the door, and Baravelli says he can’t let him in without the password. However, he will give Wagstaff three guesses and even gives him the hint of it being the name of a fish. Wagstaff first guesses “Mary”. Baravelli laughs and points out how this isn’t the name of a fish, but Wagstaff tells Baravelli that she drank like one. He guesses “Sturgeon” next, but Baravelli thinks he said “surgeon”. Either way, Wagstaff is wrong. His final guess is Haddock and asks what Baravelli takes with it. Baravelli says aspirin or a calomel, as he heard “headache”. Still, Wagstaff is wrong, so Baravelli shuts the small window on the door. As soon as he does, Wagstaff knocks again and Baravelli gets annoyed with him for not understanding English, a joke in itself. He tells Wagstaff that he can’t let him in unless he says “Swordfish”. With this, he gives Wagstaff one more guess. Wagstaff tells him “Swordfish”, so Baravelli opens the door to let him in. They shake hands, but Wagstaff scurries in and shuts the door on Baravelli. Baravelli knocks and Wagstaff asks him what the password is. Baravelli assumes it’s swordfish, but Wagstaff reveals that he got tired of it and changed it. He closes the window, so Baravelli knocks again and asks what the password is now. Wagstaff can’t remember it, so he comes outside with Baravelli. He closes the door behind him and stands next to Baravelli, but the door is locked. Outside, dogcatcher Pinky (Harpo) puts a bunch of dogs into a cage. A homeless person asks him for money so he can buy a cup of coffee, so Pinky pulls a hot cup of coffee out of his trenchcoat. Pinky goes to the speakeasy and finds his friend Baravelli on the ground along with Wagstaff. Pinky knows the password.

He knocks on the door, and Ed opens the window. Pinky pulls out a giant fish and puts a sword down its mouth to indicate “Swordfish”, and Ed lets him in. Wagstaff and Baravelli follow him in and head to the bar.

Pinky goes over to the slot machine. Once the guy in front of him loses, Pinky goes after him and hits the jackpot, much to the man’s dismay. Pinky happily gives him a coin before walking over to the bar. Baravelli orders a scotch for Pinky. They hand him a glass, but Pinky switches it out for a bottomless one that he has on him. Pinky is given the bottle to pour it himself, so he holds the glass at the edge of the table and pours the entire bottle into it, as Pinky is also holding an empty bottle under the bottomless glass. Holding his entire liquor bottle, he walks over to two men playing poker. The guy finishes shuffling and asks his opponent to cut the cards. Standing next to them, Pinky pulls out a hatchet, cuts the entire deck in half which causes the cards to fly all over the place, and he walks away. Privately, Wagstaff tells Baravelli that he’s looking for two football players who always hang around here. Baravelli notes that him and Pinky always hang around there, so Wagstaff cuts him off there and assumes Baravelli and Pinky are the people he’s looking for. Meanwhile, Pinky kisses a poster hanging up of a woman, he helps some guy playing Solitaire, and he steals a bunch of change from a conductor by hitting the latch on the device that holds all his change. All of it falls out into Pinky’s top hat and he runs into the other room once the conductor notices what he did. Pinky hides behind some guy at the payphone and manages to elude the conductor. He wants to use the phone, but the guy refuses. Pinky goes to the next one over and puts a coin into it. He thinks it’s a slot machine, so he holds his top hat out, assuming he’s going to win. It doesn’t happen, so he tries again. This time, a whole load of coins fly into Pinky’s hat, and the guy watching is in shock. Back at the bar, Wagstaff asks Baravelli what they would want to play football. Baravelli responds that they would want a football first. Wagstaff isn’t sure they have one but asks if they would be interested if he found one. He suggests Baravelli sleep on it, but Baravelli is quick to say he doesn’t think he could sleep on a football.

The bartender interrupts to ask who is paying for the drinks. Baravelli flips a coin and deduces that it’s Wagstaff, so Wagstaff questions if the bartender can cash a check for $15.22. The bartender is fine with it and pulls out the cash for him. Wagstaff grabs the money and tells him he will send the check over as soon as he gets one, leading to him and Baravelli running out the door. At Connie Bailey’s home, Frank shows up and greets the maid, Laura (Theresa Harris). He takes Laura’s breakfast tray from her and serves it to Connie in bed as a surprise. Connie appreciates it but wonders where he’s been at for the last couple of days. Frank admits he’s been arguing with his father Wagstaff about her, adding that Wagstaff wants Frank to give Connie up since she’s interfering with his studies. Frank doesn’t care though. He loves her (“Everyone Says I Love You”). At the same time, Pinky blocks traffic by having a picnic with his horse in the middle of the street, prompting a cop to write him a ticket. Pinky pulls out a notepad and writes a ticket of his own for the cop, handing it over to him while the cop gives Pinky his ticket. The cop shreds Pinky’s ticket, so Pinky does the same. The cop gets pissed off at him, but Pinky continues to mess with him. The cop tries to threaten him by showing off his badge, but Pinky shows all the badges he has inside of his coat too. They are interrupted by a group of stray dogs running by, so Pinky chases after them. He runs through all the convertible cars amidst the parked traffic, and the cop chases him. Pinky goes into the cage of all the dogs on the back of his truck and exits the other side. The cop follows the same pathway, but Pinky locks the exit on him. He then pulls down a side on the other side of cage which says, “Police dog for sale”. At Huxley, Wagstaff cracks open walnuts with his desk phone while telling some members of the board of trustees that Huxley is a failure, and they have been neglecting football for education. They both agree with him at the same time, prompting Wagstaff to reveal that this was actually a test and they failed.

Now, he knows he’s dealing with a couple of snakes. Moving on, Wagstaff states there is too much football and not enough education. They both agree without question, so Wagstaff says they are wrong again. If there were a snake here, he’d apologize.

Once the two confirm they have a stadium and a college, Wagstaff decides they can’t support both and wants to tear down the college starting tomorrow. The two ask where the students will sleep, so Wagstaff replies, “Where they always sleep. In the classroom”. The secretary (Sheila Bromley) interrupts to tell Wagstaff that the Dean of Science wants to know how soon he can see him, but Wagstaff bypasses this because he’s not done with the board members. He asks how much he’s paying them. They say $5,000 individually, but they’ve never actually been paid. In this case, Wagstaff states he will raise them to $8,000 and a bonus. If they bring their dog around, he will give him a bonus too. The secretary interrupts to say the Dean is furious and is “waxing Roth”. Wagstaff questions if Roth is out there too and relays for Roth to wax the Dean for a while. He jokingly nudges one of the board members but does acknowledge this could be bad. Nevertheless, the board member brings up how Frank isn’t concentrating on his studies and is focusing too much on Bailey. With this, Wagstaff sends them away and calls up Bailey, who’s still in bed. She explains on the phone that she’s just friends with Frank and doesn’t understand the big deal. Wagstaff wants her in his office, but she replies that she can’t because she’s in bed. Wagstaff comically states that he will then see Bailey in her office. Once he hangs up, Baravelli and Pinky walk in with big blocks of ice. They walk over Wagstaff’s table and put the ice in his safe in the wall. Standing on his own desk, Wagstaff criticizes their method of carrying ice and asks where their tongs are at. Misunderstanding the word, they stick out their tongues. Even so, Baravelli reveals that it’s the last time they deliver ice to Wagstaff unless he pays the $2,000 bill. Wagstaff can’t believe the price tag, arguing that he could get an eskimo for $200 and make his own ice. Just then, Pinky pulls a book off the bookshelf, reads it for a moment, laughs, and then throws it in the fire to warm up his hands.

Wagstaff and Baravelli sit down, and Baravelli comes up with a new offer. He states that now since Wagstaff only owes $200, Wagstaff can give them $2,000 and they’ll call it square. Wagstaff states that he will consult his lawyer. If he advises him to do it, he will get a new lawyer. Pivoting, Wagstaff suggests Baravelli forget about the money, go to college, and meet the women they have to offer. After some back and forth, Wagstaff tells Baravelli that he’s now a part of the college, so he gives him a new hat, a pennant, and a fur coat. As this is going on, Pinky is shoveling all of Wagstaff’s books into the fireplace. Wagstaff doesn’t notice, as he’s telling Baravelli to be there for football practice in the morning. He wants him and Pinky to sign an agreement he has. Baravelli notes how there’s nothing on the paper, but Wagstaff assures him they will make up the rest later. After Baravelli and Pinky sign it, Wagstaff realizes it’s not legal without the seal. All three look around for it until Pinky goes and brings over a live seal and puts the animal on Wagstaff’s desk. It scrambles around until it jumps off the table and runs off, forcing the three to chase after it. Following this, Wagstaff enters a science lecture and interrupts the professor to bring in two new students, Baravelli and Pinky. Baravelli hands the professor an apple, and Pinky hands him an entire watermelon. The professor invites them to find seats, and they rush to two seats in-between two women. They kiss both women. Next, Baravelli turns around and accidentally kisses Pinky. The two get up and fight for a moment before sitting back down. Right after, the professor goes on about the liver. Wagstaff mentions how there’s no bacon, and he’d send it back if he were him. The professor tries to ignore Wagstaff and goes on about the symptoms of cirrhosis and assumes they all know them. Of course, Baravelli stands up to say he does by stating a short poem.

“So-roses are red, so-violets are blue, so-sugar is sweet, so-so are you”.

The professor continues with his lecture before asking if there are any questions. Standing up again, Baravelli asks when he’s going to cut open the watermelon. The professor continues on, but Wagstaff starts accusing him of making this all up. Offended, the professor states that everything he’s saying can be found in any textbook on anatomy. He is sure his students will “bear me out”. Baravelli and Pinky take the initiative by grabbing him and throwing him out the door of the classroom, as Wagstaff holds open the door for all three of them. He closes it behind them and threatens the class before knocking the skull statue off the desk. Just then, Pinky is riding on Baravelli’s shoulders while they reenter the classroom dressed like the professor. Pinky gets off and stands on the table before falling to the ground. Next, Baravelli and Pinky sit back down next to the one girl and try kissing her until she shoves them both off. With this, Wagstaff takes control of the lecture and is all over the place with it. When he stops to take a bite out of the apple on the table, Pinky pulls down a picture of a horse over the one of the human body. Once Wagstaff goes back to his lecture, he sees the picture of the horse, and it reminds him that he hasn’t seen Frank all day. He puts the correct picture of the human body back up and continues with his lecture. In the middle of it, Pinky sneaks in again and puts up the poster of the woman that he stole from the speakeasy. Wagstaff asks if this was the doing of Baravelli, but he doesn’t think so because it doesn’t look like him. Wagstaff tells him to take it out of there immediately and to hang it up in his bedroom. Still, Wagstaff demands the culprit, so a sad Pinky admits it’s him. Wagstaff tells him that he can’t go burning the candle at both hands, but Pinky pulls a lit candle out of his coat that is burning at both ends. He stands corrected, but he knows someone has to be punished. He tells the girl sitting next to Baravelli she has to stay after school. She’s confused because she didn’t do anything. Wagstaff agrees but explains how it wouldn’t be any fun if Pinky had to stay after.

Not wanting anymore interruptions, Wagstaff starts reading out of the textbook directly. Not too long after, Baravelli and Pinky start shooting him with spitballs. He’s not sure who did it at first, but he has an idea. This happens twice more when he tries to pick up with the reading until he pulls out his own straw and shoots spitballs back at the two. It turns into an all-out war in the classroom and the students disperse, leaving Wagstaff to use his desk for cover while he goes back and forth with Baravelli and Pinky. At the Bailey house, Connie gets a call from Frank. He wants to come over later, and she’s down. Once she hangs up, Jennings enters the room and is suspicious. She explains how it was Wagstaff’s son, Frank. Jennings reminds Bailey that she wasn’t supposed to fall for Frank. He just wanted her to find out what she could about his football team. Bailey tells Jennings that Frank thinks a Huxley win is a cinch, but Jennings states that he’s got his bankroll bet on Darwin and isn’t taking any chances. Before the game starts, he will have the Huxley signals. As Bailey sits down and looks away, Jennings takes his coat off the hanger and puts it on. The coat was covering Pinky, who was in there hiding. Jennings doesn’t notice him, and Pinky kisses Bailey on the neck as if he’s Jennings greeting her goodbye. Pinky sneaks a sunflower into the back of Jennings’s coat and follows him out the door. As soon as the two leave, Frank walks in the other door. He kisses Bailey on her neck and she’s unbothered, asking if he’s still here. Confused, Frank questions what she means since he just got there. Bailey immediately turns, realizing this is Frank and not Jennings. She plays it off by commenting that she meant to say, “Are you here already“. Frank accepts this and changes the subject about how he shouldn’t be here because Wagstaff made it very clear where he stands. Bailey knows they are fine because Wagstaff won’t know they are here. She has Frank go and get a drink for her in the other room. Moments later, Wagstaff walks in, takes off his shoes and hat, and demands to know if she’s Bailey. She doesn’t even know he’s Wagstaff until he says it.

Once they confirm who they are, he tells Bailey that she is to give his son up. It’s all he’s got in the world, except for a picture of George Washington crossing the Delaware. He sits down with her while telling Bailey that she’s ruining Frank. He asks if Frank has told her that she has beautiful eyes, which she confirms. Wagstaff stands up and states that Frank said that to him too, along with everyone else he meets. He sits on her lap and starts flirting with her until there is a knock on the door. Wagstaff grabs his stuff and runs out the other door. Pinky enters with a block of ice and gives it to Bailey. She refuses it and gives it back to Pinky. He walks over, tosses it out the window, and leaves. Wagstaff reenters and sits back on Bailey’s lap. Frank comes back over from the other room and finds the two on the couch. Wagstaff tells Frank that he caught him. He goes on about how Frank stole a woman from him, how he should be ashamed, and he should leave and allow him to settle things with Bailey. He does say they will have Frank over for dinner. Then, he changes his mind and says he will go with Frank instead. He has Frank follow him to the door but then kicks Frank out of it and shuts the door. Wagstaff puts the lamp by the window to be the “lamp in the window for my wandering boy”. He goes back to sitting on Bailey’s lap, but there’s another knock on the door. Wagstaff grabs his stuff and leaves. This time, Baravelli shows up with a block of ice. She doesn’t want it and neither does he, so Baravelli tosses it out the window. He tries to grab and kiss her, but she’s not having it. He continues to flirt, so Wagstaff comes back in and tries to hug Bailey. He stops after seeing Baravelli. Bailey realizes the two know each other, prompting Baravelli to tell her that Wagstaff got him on the football team. Wagstaff comments, “Now all I gotta do is get him off the couch”. Both men start hugging her. Pinky enters with another block of ice but goes right over to the window to throw it out.

After he leaves, there’s another knock on the door, so Wagstaff grabs his stuff and tells Baravelli to follow him since he’s been doing this all night. Baravelli instead decides to hide behind Bailey, and Wagstaff is too late in escaping as Jennings enters the door Wagstaff has been leaving out of. Jennings sees Wagstaff and notes how popular of a place this is (“Yes, a hotdog stand would clean up here”). Jennings asks what Baravelli is doing there, so Baravelli lies and says he’s the music teacher who is giving her singing lessons. Jennings questions when she started taking singing lessons, so Baravelli comments “Since you came in”. Jennings turns and asks Wagstaff the same question, and Wagstaff replies that he’s the plumber and he’s only hanging around in case something happens with her pipes (“That’s the first time I used that joke in 20 years”). While Baravelli takes Bailey over to the piano, Wagstaff and Jennings sit down on the coach. Immediately, Wagstaff takes a cigar out of Jennings’s pocket and comments how nice of place they have. Baravelli hits a few keys, and Bailey sings well with the sound. He’s impressed. She reveals she has a falsetto voice, so Baravelli comments that his last pupil had a false set of teeth. He encourages her to not sing on the first lesson and decides to do so himself, singing his version of “Everyone Says I Love You”. However, once he’s done, they both decide he shouldn’t sing, so he just plays the piano straight instead. Jennings comments to Wagstaff that he loves good music. Wagstaff agrees and says they should get out of here, though Jennings forces him to sit back down. Wagstaff goes right up to the camera at this point and encourages the viewer to wait in the lobby until this thing blows over. Once Baravelli finishes the song, he tells Bailey this is enough for her first lesson. Next week, he will teach her how to breathe, and he doesn’t want her to do so until he gets back. Jennings doesn’t buy any of this and states that if this was a singing lesson, he’s a ring-tailed monkey.

Wagstaff argues that it was a singing lesson and for Jennings to keep his family out of this. Wagstaff asks Baravelli if he’s going his way. Once Baravelli confirms, Wagstaff tells him to go ahead because he wants to stay. Jennings refuses this, threatens them, and tells them both to leave. Before leaving, Wagstaff comments to Jennings that if Frank comes back, have him take the lamp out of the window. At football practice, Frank finds Wagstaff to tell him that Baravelli and Pinky aren’t football players. He got the wrong guys from the speakeasy. The two guys Frank was talking about are on Darwin. After Wagstaff finds Baravelli hiding in a locker practicing the secret signals, he still agrees to let Baravelli play, but he wants this win. So, he wants Baravelli and Pinky to kidnap the two players from the Darwin team. Baravelli is down, but Jennings will complicate things.

My Thoughts:

In the middle of their generational run, Horse Feathers was yet another comedic masterpiece that blossomed out of the minds of the legendary Marx Brothers. With great gags, puns that are actually funny, and surrealistic humor that still translates to this very day, Horse Feathers stacks up against any of the Marx’s best work and succeeds on the simple premise of what would happen if the brothers were unleashed on a college campus.

Not that it needs a classification, but the movie is a Marx Brothers comedy first and foremost. It’s hard to say if it can or should be categorized as a sports comedy in the vein of a Happy Gilmore or Caddyshack or a college movie like National Lampoon’s Animal House or Van Wilder. Though the argument could be had that it possesses elements of both and could fit on a top ten list of either genre, the real point is that much like a majority of the Marx Brothers’ work, Horse Feathers will always be considered one of the funniest features not only of its era but in existence. Failing a kidnapping plot on such a disastrous level is reason alone to put it in the conversation (“Well, you’re a couple of fine kidnappers. You know that the fellas you kidnapped got here before you did?”). Though on the shorter side due to censorship, damage to the original copy, and preservation not being taken as seriously back then as it is today, Horse Feathers is a chaotic, pre-Code Marxian feature that is yet another classic coming out of their time at Paramount. As the fans know, the difference between their movies at Paramount and MGM are noticeably different formula-wise, as Paramount gave the brothers freer rein to insert their brand of humor into a story compared to the more structured plots and grandiose productions MGM tried to insert them in. Remember, this is not a takedown of MGM. The brothers still did great work there and beyond. Even so, the movies they made at Paramount were definitely more their style. The plots were loose and fun and had plenty of room to fit as many quips, surrealistic gags, and wacky scenarios as possible for the brothers to thrive. In moments only Groucho, Chico, Harpo, and Zeppo can pull off successfully, they stretch the boundaries of 1930s Hollywood with their outlandishness and get a laugh every step of the way.

In today’s comedies, there are usually one or two key scenes you can point to that make the movie. With Horse Feathers, there is a case to be made for any sequence of the film being the best because it’s that consistent in its humor.

There’s smaller gags like Wagstaff trying to convince Baravelli to join Huxley College while Pinky is shoveling hundreds of Wagstaff’s books into the fireplace, or Wagstaff needing a seal to notarize the contract so Pinky drops a live seal onto the table, to the ongoing gag of Baravelli and Pinky delivering blocks of ice to people who don’t want it, which at one point has Pinky not even humoring Bailey with conversation and just going straight to the window to throw the ice out before leaving. Then, you have extended sequences like the aforementioned attempted kidnapping of MacHardie and Mullen. It begins with Baravelli asking the two large football players if they have a brother. Once they say no but confirm they have a sister, Baravelli just tries to convince them to come with him and Pinky saying, “Yeah, well your sister is a very sick man. You gotta come with us”. After they refuse to budge, Baravelli says it was a car accident. When they reply that she doesn’t have a car, Baravelli doesn’t miss a beat commenting, “Well, maybe she fell off a horse. I don’t look very close. Come on, I’ll take you in our car”. Once they say they don’t have a sister because they know why he’s there, Baravelli just responds, “Well that’s alright. We don’t got a car. Come on”. After they kick Pinky’s ass and Baravelli just sits and watches, it’s comical seeing Baravelli and Pinky realize they are the ones in danger, despite the initial plan being them kidnapping the football players. After Pinky hits one guy with a mallet, they run to a room upstairs, and MacHardie and Mullen lock them in the room. Watching Chico and Harpo hilariously try to figure out how to escape with Harpo’s Pinky not taking the moment seriously at all will have the viewer cackling. Chico’s Baravelli tries to come up with an idea since Pinky has a rope on him. To make sure Pinky understands him, he slows it down, dictating “tie onto the bed and throw the rope out the window”.

Still finding a way to hysterically mess it up, Pinky takes off his necktie and puts it on the bed. Then, he just throws the rope out the window. The best part is Baravelli asking what they’re going to do now, so Pinky smiles and just puts up the poster of the woman on the wall. Following this, Pinky motions potentially climbing out of the window and Baravelli rhetorically asks if Pinky wants him to break his neck, only for Pinky to nod and begin strangling him. I’m not exaggerating when I say every gag works and each exchange is funnier than the last. The brothers could not be stopped in this one.

The music is well done too. It’s arguably one of the better scores of a Marx Brothers film. Each use of a song is short and sweet while finding a way to be amusing, catchy, memorable, and strong enough to stay in your head in a loving manner. The recurring theme “Everyone Says I Love You”, and each brother adding a different verse to it at some point or another was an excellent touch. The image of Wagstaff in the canoe with Bailey while he sits under an umbrella and strums his guitar, while subtly implying issues with Bailey’s character, not only brings joy with its kookiness but is also picturesque in how its presented. Maybe it’s because I consider myself a superfan, but there is something about this image that could be a framed watercolor or oil-based painting. Despite the scene ending in typical Groucho fashion of threatening to kick Bailey’s teeth in for talking in a baby voice while trying to get the football signals, there is something inherently special about this brief but memorable back-and-forth. The same could be said with the usage of the duck. After it quacks at Wagstaff and interrupts his singing, Wagstaff quips, “That’s a wise quack. How would you like it if I butt into your affairs and laid an egg” before throwing the guitar at the animal. Somehow, the duck just ends up in the boat at the end of the scene, but it just works. It’s chaos really, and Groucho’s Wagstaff being the centerpiece of said chaos is why everything works in the manner it does. With any Groucho Marx character, he sets the tone for how much mayhem the audience should expect. Here, they do this right from the outset, making him the president of Huxley College. Giving Groucho such a position is enough to sell the viewer on how funny this is about to be, and he doesn’t disappoint. At different times in the story, he considers tearing down the college for monetary reasons in favor of supporting the football stadium, runs out on a $15 check at a speakeasy, takes over a lecture on a subject he knows nothing about while accusing the professor of the exact same thing, and tries to spout words of encouragement to Darwin College’s football team at halftime because Huxley’s team wouldn’t listen to him.

When he gets back over to the correct side, he tells Zeppo’s Frank, “My boy, get in there and play like you did in the last game. I got $5 bet on the other team”. Every opportunity is taken and connects. The only joke they should have ran with longer was Wagstaff in the commentary booth. With Groucho’s wittiness, they could have milked that for much more than what they did with it.

People groan when hearing a pun, but the Marx Brothers find a way to even make these jokes work, as Baravelli’s inability to grasp the intricacies of the English language and Pinky’s general misunderstanding of certain comments leads to constant laughs, like the two contemplating how they are going to catch MacHardie and Mullen outside their door. At first, Pinky pulls out fly paper only for Baravelli to tell him this isn’t going to work. He then changes the subject to trying to figure out how they are going to get into their place and asks Pinky if he has the pick and the axe. In classic Harpo fashion, he lets a live pig out of his bag because he misunderstood “pick” as such. Instead of correcting him in that regard, Baravelli tells him that it’s not a pig but a hog. He questions if he knows what a hog is, prompting Pinky to misunderstand this too, giving Baravelli a hug. If this exchange doesn’t give you a laugh, I don’t know what will. If you’ve read previous reviews of other Marx Brothers films on our site, you know there is no better back-and-forth than an annoyed Groucho arguing with Chico’s misunderstanding of everything and trying not to lose it on him in the process. The conversation where Baravelli talks about having a chauffeur but no car because he couldn’t afford both and chose to sell the car was hysterical. The ending to it where Wagstaff questions how the chauffer can take him to work without a car and Baravelli replies that he doesn’t have a job is a just a perfect encapsulation of their rapid fire humor that thrives in nonsense (“How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?”).

One part that does bother me is the ending. Literally everything gets a pass in terms of forgetting about the logistics of the gags and story, but the inexplicable wedding is a weird way to end it on. First of all, Connie Bailey is the secondary antagonist in the movie and is outed as such by Wagstaff. Why is she the prize? I can’t think of any reasoning for this other than the fact that there are no other female characters in the movie to marry off other than the secretary who had two or three lines. Second of all, where’s Zeppo? He was the one who was with Bailey in the first place. Excluding him from the rest of the four Marx Brothers in the final scene with Bailey is wrong from a character, real-life, and legacy standpoint. However, the real ending should have been the one that was lost in the final print. As we have mentioned before, many scenes are missing in the final cut of Horse Feathers, as it is a commonplace problem with many movies coming from this era. The original ending, with only a still photograph surviving from it that can be found online, has all four brothers playing poker while the college burns down behind them. It’s a damn shame we didn’t get to see this in the final cut because the sheer idea of this is one of the best endings of any Marx Brothers movie. Considering the destruction that they caused and Wagstaff leading the charge as the president, it would have been the perfect feather in the cap to the final product. The wedding we got was amusing but did not fit the vibe following the football game climax. If the burning down of the college scene wasn’t available, they should have just stopped after all four brothers rode the chariot into the endzone. If the moment was good enough to grace the cover of Time Magazine in 1932, that only furthers the point.

The football game itself was funny though. Just observing the comedic minds of the brothers and seeing how many gags they are able to cram into a football game scenario is an example of their genius. It’s as if they went into the production with the mindset of maximizing the joke potential of the premise as much as possible in an effort to never do it again and move on to the next premise in a new film to keep their antics fresh.

To be fair, some of these gags are only mildly amusing at best, but they all work in context like Baravelli jumping on the stretcher and asking to be dropped off at the 40 yard line, playing cards in the huddle, Wagstaff passing out cigars in the huddle after pointing out how the chemistry professor is in the stands with the janitor’s wife, the four-man kick-in-the-ass for the field goal, Pinky attaching a string to the ball and faking everyone out, and Baravelli hiking the ball with funny rhymes that detail the play (“Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Professor Wagstaff gets the ball”), resulting in Wagstaff throwing an immediate interception and then laying down on the field to read the newspaper. The ref having to explain to Pinky he has to tackle the guy with the football, and Pinky responding by tackling the ref since he technically had it was great, as was Pinky stealing a hot dog on a running play or making everyone fall by dropping banana peels. Just as it looks like they are running out of ideas, Wagstaff inserts himself just in time to help the climax, as he surveys all the injuries taking place and questions if there’s a doctor in the house. One guy in the stands reveals himself to be one, but Wagstaff just comically asks if he’s enjoying the game. Besides Baravelli and Pinky sawing through the floor twice to escape (after Pinky cries when they are locked in a room for the second time), the funniest bit of the movie has to be when the two finally get to the game in the middle of it. Baravelli tells Pinky to hurry up because there is still time to play, and the two use the misdirect method to laugh-out-results by sitting on the bench and playing cards instead. After Wagstaff yells at them while trying to inspire them at the same time, he sees Pinky’s hand and adds “… and besides, you’re crazy if you don’t play the ace!” before telling them to go out and fight. Naturally, Baravelli and Pinky try to fight each other until Wagstaff explains he’s talking about the game.

It’s just pure genius. That’s all it is. Genius.

On the non-genius side of things, why did Jennings have to tell Bailey to romance Wagstaff to get the football signals? Was it not painfully obvious what he was suggesting? Hasn’t she already been doing the same with Frank up until that point too? It seemed comically idiotic that Jennings still had to spell it out for her as if she was aloof to the process. At least they made it up for it by having Baravelli sell Darwin’s signals for $500 to Jennings when he already had them to begin with, pissing him off (“They cost me $200. I gotta make a little profit”).

None of these four brothers have probably ever played a down of football in their lives, but it doesn’t make the film any less funny. The timeless Horse Feathers is a comedy classic and one of the best films of the 1930s. At the same time, it’s a type of movie that only Groucho, Chico, Harpo, and Zeppo could get away with.